First time poster. Hi everyone, I’m just looking for some advice on my situation.
I’ve been with my partner for three years. We met on tinder. He’s 36, I’m 25 (it is relevant). No kids on either side. We hit it off instantly but after a few months the relationship became rocky as he lived two hours away from me. In the beginning we made time for each other, saw each other every weekend, did nice things together such as city breaks away, meals out etc. After a few months he told me it was all just too much for him, that he missed spending time with his friends and family on the weekends and he felt that everything was going too fast. I understood this and we agreed to see each other every other weekend instead.
He was in a 9 year relationship before me (split for two years before we met) and apparently he hardly ever saw his family and friends during that time as she was very controlling and didn’t like it when they spent time away from each other.
After knowing everything he’d been through in his previous relationship, I never wanted to make him feel the same way. I have to admit, I found it really hard only seeing him twice a month as we couldn’t see each other during the week as we both worked full time. I felt that it would be hard for the relationship to progress but we stuck it out and three years later we’re still together and very happy, well sort of.
I love him very much and he’s the perfect man for me. I can honestly see myself marrying him and having kids one day. He makes me laugh, smile, treats me like a queen. I trust him wholeheartedly. Everything that I want in a man, he is. We moved in together in August (I moved to him) as he has a very good job, but unfortunately the company that he works for doesn’t operate where I’m from so he wouldn’t of been able to relocate. This didn’t bother me though as I was happy to move to be with him.
Anyway, here’s the catch. Three months before we moved in together I took on a new job, for a company where I can really progress. It’s my first “proper” job so to speak. I’m earning a very good salary. All of my previous jobs were either minimum wage or just above so it’s a huge increase with the money side of things. I’m really enjoying it and can see myself staying here long term. The job is only a 90 minute commute all round which works well considering I’ve moved location.
As I said above, my partner has a very good job which he’s been in for around 13 years. He’s worked his way up over the years and as a result earns a very good salary also. He earns enough for us to live on comfortably without me having to work, but as I said I’m enjoying this job and want to carry on for at least the next 3-5 years to get the experience under my belt. When we met I lived alone, worked full time. I’ve always been independent since the age of 18 and I thought that’s what he loved about me.
Just after we moved in together, he started talking about having children. I explained to him that I didn’t think it was the best time to start trying for a baby as I had just started my new job and wanted to enjoy it and make some money to put towards our savings. It would also be difficult having a baby now as my job is full time, leaving the house at 7am and not getting home until 6pm and I wouldn’t be able to reduce my days once baby has arrived. I said that maybe we could start trying in a couple of years instead. He got really upset at this and started making comments such as that he didn’t want to be doing the school run at 50 etc. We’ve spoken about it a couple of times since then and he just keeps on saying how he doesn’t want to be an “old dad”. I’ve tried to put my point across and explain how I’m trying to build my own career and make my own money, like what he’s done over the last 13 years but he doesn’t understand. He just keeps on saying “I earn enough for you not to work”. He doesn’t understand that I want to make my own money and have a purpose outside of our relationship.
It’s really starting to affect our relationship as every time we have sex now he makes comments like “let me put a baby in you” etc. I know all he wants is for us to have a child and be a family but it’s just not the right time for me at the minute, after all I’m only 25. This is the first time the age gap has been a problem for us tbh. I just don’t know what to do at this point as I don’t think it’s unreasonable for him to want children, but I don’t think it’s unreasonable for me not to want them either. I’m not saying no to the idea, just not right now. It’s starting to cause tension between us and I think he’s starting to resent me because of it, he hasn’t actually said that, I can just sense it.
Looking back now it was really stupid that we didn’t talk more about it and what we both wanted before moving in together. The thought of having to break up because of this just makes me feel like shit, I honestly can’t imagine my life without him but I’m not sure what else we’re suppose to do if we can’t agree on this?
I’m not sure what I’m asking for really, maybe just a hand hold 