I want to leave. I want to end my marriage. I’ve two primary aged children and I know it should be enough to make me stay but it’s not.
There are many small things that make me want out but really, in many ways it’s never been right from my point of view.
However for dh - this is it. I am it. He loves me.
Part of me feels I should stay in the marriage (married 17 years) just because of that. I care about him but I don’t want to be married to him anymore. How do I reconcile that with ruining his life and maybe the lives of my children? I feel so guilty all the time that I feel this way.
These are my reasons for wanting out:
We don’t have sex. Like three times in four years.
We do nothing together as a couple and very little as a family.
Dh does what he wants of a weekend and it rarely involves us.
He’s borderline financially abusive.
We have nothing in common. The evenings are spent basically in silence with him watching whatever he wants on the tv - because it’s his tv - and me just sitting there.
He is deeply suspicious of me. He tells me I look ‘too nice to go out without him’ and says things like ‘you look a bit too nice to be going to the shop. Where are you really going?’
He tells me I’m his and im never allowed to leave him. Asks me how much I love him and whatever I say it’s never enough - and it feels false too.
He has a temper. He will be beyond livid if I leave him.
There’s no one major thing. He’s not a terrible person. I just don’t want to be married to him anymore. I feel like it’s him or me. Either he can be happy or I get a chance at being happy.