I hate my sister so much!

[aurorae0222]

So late on Friday me (24) and my husband were getting ready for bed when his phone starting ringing and there were text messages like crazy. I asked him who he thought it was and he said his girlfriend, jokingly.

He went to get the phone and he came back into the master bath and said something to the likes of hey, it’s your sister (37). Your dad had a heart attack.

I was initially furious. I was like it’s not funny and it’s not something to joke about but when I saw how serious he was I got this awful feeling. I can’t describe it. I felt this awful dreaded feeling, almost like my stomach dropping. I had a mini panic attack - rung, shaking , heart racing.

We asked a neighbour to watch our 6’u-month old and raced to the hospital. My sister, who I haven’t talked to in nearly a month (had a major falling out) was there and so was my SM. They were waiting while my dad had emergency heart surgery.

I was like why didn’t anyone call me? My sister was cold saying you know or you wouldn’t be here. My SM apologizes and said it was her fault. She said that they didn’t know how to “break it” to me and she didn’t have time to call both of us so she asked my sister to call me.

I am really emotional, hurt and angry at that point I approached her, my sister, and said thanks. I said to her I swear to god if anything happens to dad i will never forgive you or her, referring to SM. She started to say something and her our DH’s step between us.

The 7-hour wait was horrible with no one talking to anyone except our spouses. We even waited for each other to leave before seeing him. Not a word between sisters - I must have been there for at least 12 hours. So thankful my DH was there.

My sister didn't have the decency to call me (no missed calls, no text messages nothing) because she is angry with me instead she calls my DH because she doesn’t want to talk to me. They robbed me the chance of possibly seeing my dad (thank god he is okay).

Was feeling sad because we were fighting and I love her and truly thought she loved me but now I feel nothing but despise toward her. Am I wrong in reacting like this? Some would argue that she did call, albeit to my DH.

What was the major falling out about?

I don't understand why you're so annoyed. You were told and so you could get to the hospital. In an emergency people are all over the place. They haven't necessarily got time to make sure no one's feelings get hurt but being told after others. I think saying you'd never forgive them if he died is overly dramatic as you were told and you were there. You said yourself you and your sister aren't speaking so it was logical for her to call your partner. You might have her blocked for all she knows. Focus on your dad, this row seems over the top. Hope he's better soon OP.

I don't understand how she robbed you of the chance of seeing your father? She did make sure you knew? And quite adamantly it seems too. She simply contacted your husband instead of you.

So, your sister told you as soon as she could but because she called the phone you didn’t want her to call you have been verbally abusive to both her and your step mother? And you think they are the ones in the wrong? Sounds like your sister can’t win with you

She called him and he told you instantly. I'm so sorry this has happened but I can't see how what she did delayed you being told? If it was that she waited a while before making contact then that's different, but it still doesn't really matter which one of you she rang.

As for attacking your SM while her DH was in heart surgery, you really really need to think about that as it was a really nasty thing to do.

Look, I get that your annoyed. Is it possible your anger is misdirect? I was furious after my dad had his accident, I tried to blame any and everyone. It wasn't anyone's fault. But I was furious.

The important thing is to be there for your dad and SM. You're thinking about all the possibilities but focus on what's actually happening.

I hope you're okay, and your dad!

She could just have easily not bothered contacting you but she knew your DH would tell you straight away.

You're wrong to blame her or your SM and you owe them both an apology.

I’d you weren’t talking, calling your partner was a sensible thing to do. It’s a horribly stressful time for everyone, focus on the right things now (your dad).

You are totally overeacting. This should not be about you and who phoned who, it should be about your Dad. My advice would be to stop being melodramatic, talk to your sister and try to resolve your differences and focus on supporting your Dad and SM.

I don't understand. She did call, your op to explain. You got the message and got to the hospital. She did what she should have done. You shouldn't have argued with her at the hospital. It wasnt the time nor place really. Your poor step mother must have been beside her self with worry and stress.

Life is too short. I don't speak to my brother and haven't done for 10 years. It makes it very difficult at family gatherings etc but it has been going on for so long now it's pretty much impossible to resolve.
OP it is early days for you and your sister in your disagreement. I would strongly suggest that you message her and say that 'obviously you have both got gripes with each other. Can you meet her to discuss all the issues with a view to resolving them and moving forward?' Then do your very best to work through everything, listen to each others views and put your disagreement to bed. With your parents ageing and starting to get health issues, you will need to be able to talk to each other amicably about them.

i hope your dad is ok
your anger is misdirected, channel it op

She clearly did call. You were informed as fast as possible through your dh.

Maybe she thought you wouldn't pick up if she called you directly. Given the circumstances and your reaction to this, i would think that would be a reasonable assumption.

She phoned your DH cos she knew that if she phoned you you probably wouldn't have answered it!

You sound as bad as each other tbh
Childish and fighting in a hospital whilst your dad is critically ill it’s not as if she just didn’t bother contacting you at all is it?.
Don’t really need to say more, one of you has to be the bigger person. Hate is a strong word, ask your step mother to contact you directly in future and stay the heck away from your sister seems neither of you can behave like adults in public.

It’s a very sad and stressful situation for your family. Both your step mother and sister did appropriate things in the circumstances. Your step mother’s priority was her husband. She informed your sister and asked her to notify you, which she did. There could have been other ways to do this but there is nothing wrong with what happened

I’m sorry to say this but your behaviour at the hospital was totally wrong and unacceptable. This might be due to stress. However you need to accept that it was and apologise. You were completely out of order.

It would be even worse to use this to continue to “hate” your sister whether your father recovers or not. On the other hand your family have good reason to LC or NC you.

Could you speak with your sister and calmly explain that you were hurt that she hadn't directly contacted you, given the circumstances, and in future would prefer to have direct contact for similar situtuations?
You dont have to be friends, but for the wider family issues can you agree to disagree, draw a line under this event?

You’re a bit angry at the world, aren’t you? You jumped on your husband who delivered the news, you jumped on your sister, your mother in law... did you do a Karen with the doctors too?

I’d be more concerned about my father rather than who informed me that he was ill. She let your husband know. Sorry you’re going through this. Times like this make the cracks bigger in family relationship. Be kind to yourself.

I don't understand. Why are you so angry?

Is it really worry about your dad?

I'd have done the same as her- I'd prefer that news like that was broken face to face by someone you love rather than over the phone. It was actually thoughtful of her.
You owe your sister and SM a massive apology, but in SM's place I don't think I could forgive that. Your father was in danger and you made it about you. Say sorry ASAP OP.

You’re just the kind of family medical staff love.

Your sister probably thought if she called you then you may not answer if you’ve not spoken, calling your partner was sensible.

She informed you as soon as possible, I don't think it really matters who's phone she called?