I hate my sister so much!

[aurorae0222]

So late on Friday me (24) and my husband were getting ready for bed when his phone starting ringing and there were text messages like crazy. I asked him who he thought it was and he said his girlfriend, jokingly.

He went to get the phone and he came back into the master bath and said something to the likes of hey, it’s your sister (37). Your dad had a heart attack.

I was initially furious. I was like it’s not funny and it’s not something to joke about but when I saw how serious he was I got this awful feeling. I can’t describe it. I felt this awful dreaded feeling, almost like my stomach dropping. I had a mini panic attack - rung, shaking , heart racing.

We asked a neighbour to watch our 6’u-month old and raced to the hospital. My sister, who I haven’t talked to in nearly a month (had a major falling out) was there and so was my SM. They were waiting while my dad had emergency heart surgery.

I was like why didn’t anyone call me? My sister was cold saying you know or you wouldn’t be here. My SM apologizes and said it was her fault. She said that they didn’t know how to “break it” to me and she didn’t have time to call both of us so she asked my sister to call me.

I am really emotional, hurt and angry at that point I approached her, my sister, and said thanks. I said to her I swear to god if anything happens to dad i will never forgive you or her, referring to SM. She started to say something and her our DH’s step between us.

The 7-hour wait was horrible with no one talking to anyone except our spouses. We even waited for each other to leave before seeing him. Not a word between sisters - I must have been there for at least 12 hours. So thankful my DH was there.

My sister didn't have the decency to call me (no missed calls, no text messages nothing) because she is angry with me instead she calls my DH because she doesn’t want to talk to me. They robbed me the chance of possibly seeing my dad (thank god he is okay).

Was feeling sad because we were fighting and I love her and truly thought she loved me but now I feel nothing but despise toward her. Am I wrong in reacting like this? Some would argue that she did call, albeit to my DH.

If she'd rang your phone, would you have answered? No. Then she did the sensible thing and phoned your partner. You then took it out on her at probably the worst time in all your loves. You sound immature and nasty. Grow up.

You could all do without a family squabble while your dad is in hospital. It’s good news he’s ok. Focus on that.

I was also going to say that she probably didn't call you as she thought you wouldn't answer so she made sure you knew by calling your partner. You are angry about something that didn't happen. You have seen your dad. Drop it.

@fit4more wow are you the sister?! You sound really angry at the op!

I do agree with everyone else, you sound likes bit of a nightmare and like you enjoy the drama the way you have written the post is all very dramatic down to the "feeling of dread" 🙄 Your poor stepmom did nothing wrong, she called your sister and asked her to call you yet you were yelling at her in the hospital while her husband was undergoing a 7 hour surgery.

Get a grip.

TBH it was probably wise to call your DH so he could tell you in person!!!

You’ve behaved poorly and made your father’s heart attack all about you. You should be apologising but instead, your focus is still on you.

Has your neighbour still got the baby?

I get it, OP. Your sister could have and should have called you. She chose not to call and speak to you.

My Dad is unwell and elderly now and despite not being so close to my Sis, I know if anything happens she will call me before anyone else. (She lives near him, I don't).

Its OUR Dad.

People who don't have tricky family dynamics or just want to say upsetting things see things very black & white and will think 'so what, you knew in the end'. When it really, really isn't about that.

The best thing is to get off MN, reach out to and be with the good people around you. I hope you feel better soon and that your Dad gets well again too.
💐

I agree with the majority of previous posts, you’re way too dramatic and although understandably upset about your dad your anger is completely misdirected. How on earth did you think throwing your toys out the pram and hurling abuse at people just because you weren’t told in your preferred method would help at a time like this? Your dad is going to need his family and his daughters to behave like the adults they are, not a petulant child.

As others have said above, you need to grow up. Your sister did the best thing possible by ringing your DH - what if she'd rung you and then you ignored her given you had fallen out? I'm sure the reason she rang your DH was she wanted to let YOU know, not that she was angry with you.

If I were you I would apologise big time for being such an idiot (I am sure you can get away with blaming it on your being so worried for your Dad that you lost all sense of reality), and make it up with your sister and SM..

Christ Almighty, did I walk into an episode of Eastenders ?

Give it a rest, Sharon

Your sister probably thought if she called you then you may not answer if you’ve not spoken, calling your partner was sensible

I'm waiting for it to emerge that the op blocked her sister's number after their row...

It’s not about you.

I'm sorry you had such a scare, OP. I hope your dad is on the path to recovery.

When these crises happen we sometimes react in the way we were shown by parents, e.g. lashing out. Is there a way you'd prefer to react, and can you start working toward that?

You’re just the kind of family medical staff love.

Not even close, very tame minor theatrics. Best one was my colleague having a gun pulled because a batshit relative didn’t like the Will and thought waving a gun around and threatening to kill the new wife (step mum from memory) seemed a good idea in that situation. The guy wasn’t even dead and the whole gun waving certainly didn’t help his treatment. People are just dicks.

OP, you seem to have acted in a very dramatic and childish fashion. Your father was taken to hospital. Your sister and step-mother wanted you to know and called your DH to tell you. No idea how you think this took any longer than them calling you, I’m guessing your DH just told you quickly and didn’t make a 2hr game of charades out of it? Move on.

This is one of the many reasons why people should have household landlines not the private property of one individual...

Your sister told you immediately, she just phoned the mobile belonging to the person lying next to you in bed rather than your mobile... She didn't Rob you of anything, though you both sound about 7 with the "not speaking to" one another drama.

I hope your dad makes a full recovery

Yabu.
Hope your dad is ok.

Sorry your df is so ill

I think you should take a few minutes to think of your step mum. When someone feels unwell and there's an emergency, especially with something like a heart attack, the priority is to get that person to hospital. You do what you can and inform who you can and the intricacies of "who do I ring so as not to upset anyone " don't really apply. If you get happen to left out in that situation you just have to gracefully assume everyone did their best at a v stressful time.

Now think about your step mum being in this situation and having to apologise and settle a dispute between you and your sister at the hospital while her dh is having surgery. It's not really on is it? You made a very stressful situation much worse.

Maybe take some time out to think about what is important in life? And not about what is being "done" to you, but what you can do for everyone else?

I hope this doesn't sound patronising but you sound very young for your age. The sort of language you used is worthy of a fifteen year old. If you love your sister as you say you do, then apologise to her and be supportive to your step mum. I hope your df makes a full recovery.
Good luck.

@AnyFucker

PPs are right, OP. Cut the drama, go give your DSis a hug and have a good cry together. None of this matters in the long run. Focus on your dad and supporting each other.

Did your sister delay in contacting your DH or did she do it as soon as possible?

Look, I am the youngest of 5 sisters. There's not a lot I don't know about major falling outs, some of them lasting years. But when the chips are really down, you act honourably and you deal with it. I've nursed a parent through dementia whilst 'not talking' to one of my sisters. I've organised consultant meetings, social workers meetings, care home viewings, funerals and acted as co-executor with a sister I didn't 'talk to'. Love and respect for our parent made it so.
If your sister doubted for a minute that you would accept a call or text from her, then she did the right thing to call someone who you would listen to. What you need to do now is to text or call and say 'sorry I was rather overwrought last night. Have you any news on Dad? I phoned the hospital at 6am and he was resting comfortably then. Are you and SM visiting later? Think I will go up about 6pm, wonder if there is anything he needs. Let me know if you think of anything'.
You can continue world war 3 once the crisis is over.

Even if you hadnt fallen out your sister may have called your DH to tell you. News like that is always shocking and adrenalin kicks in. Some people think it's easier for the receiver of news to be told in person by some one who loves them. Or maybe your sister was as shocked as you and couldnt manage your reaction as well as her own.

The important thing is your dad is on the road to recovery. Let this go no one is really at fault over this.

You both need to grow up.

I get that this is an emotional time for all of you, but I think you are being overly dramatic.

Surely there are more important things to be worrying about.

Yes I'm sorry but YABU although it seems like a perfect storm.

Firstly: because it was an awful experience and one that will have been heightened because of the falling out with your sister. It was a tense and emotional situation in the first place without your father's illness being thrown into the mix.

You over reacted though. Your sister phoned your husband and he told you straight away. You were not robbed of the chance, your anger over the unfairness of your father's health is misplaced.

You and your sister both chose to not pull together in this time of stress. Neither of you chose to put the argument to one side whilst in the hospital. Both of you are to blame I feel but your shouldn't have accused her or your SM of anything. Your SM even apologised!

You either use this to fully accept your relationship with your sister is over, and so accept no support no matter what happens to family members. Or you choose to try to make amends with your sister and move on. Obvious you don't say what your argument was about so...

**His phone starting ringing and there were text messages like crazy.

You said it yourself, not just one text she tried continuously to contact you. Maybe she had deleted your number so rang DH, maybe his name was first on her contact list, people do different things when stressed.
As for shouting at SM in the hospital, that was just out of order. You owe her a massive apology.