DP making me feel creeped out

[Phoebesfleas]

DP and I have been together for nearly 5 years, I won’t go into too much detail about our lives because they would be quite outing. We don’t live together, he’s emotionally unavailable and never wants to settle or marry and I have a huge responsibility which makes committing to a serious relationship very difficult.
DP had a bad accident in his teens, he missed out on a lot of late teen life due to his recovery and loss of confidence. He feels he has missed out on meeting girls/sex/a teen relationship. This has affected him quite a lot and he is sometimes bitter, usually after too much to drink.
He often makes sexual ‘jokes’ about teen girls, virgins, young breasts, tight vaginas that haven’t been ruined by having babies etc, these ‘jokes’ have always made me feel uncomfortable, he will choose to watch films with teenage girls in and I’ve seen him gawp at very young women. I understand that young women are attractive to men, I don’t have any jealousy issues but something about these jokes make me feel deeply uncomfortable and a squirmy feeling in my belly. I’ve asked him to stop making ‘jokes’ as it makes me uncomfortable, he says I’m jealous of these young women because I’m not young anymore. I do not have any issues with getting older, overall I’m happy with myself. I know he has had issues with porn in the past, I don’t think he does now. His attitude is almost incel like, women over a certain age hold no value and are ‘ruined’ if they have had children. I know that he has tried to get close to an older teen neighbour of his in the past. He has also made ‘jokes’ about my young adult DD, he said that all men think like him but know it’s a taboo subject.
He said something last night that made me cringe and I want to know if it’s me being a prude.
For the record I’ve dated a lot in the past and have never come across a man in his late 30’s having this attitude.
I want to end the relationship over this but don’t know if it’s my problem or his.
Please tell me your opinions.

Timetobegood I care for a chronically disabled family member, he only has contact in passing.
QueenOfOversharing good idea to start a new thread, I’m isolated. I’ve been to a carers meeting and it’s mostly older people caring for spouses, I don’t have much in common with them. I’m not going to tell him the true reason why I’m ending it, I’m going to tell him that my feelings have gone for him over the last couple of months and that there isn’t any point continuing the relationship. I’m feeling angrier and angrier. I am thinking about ringing the non emergency police line and talking it through, better for them to be aware of him than not.
Bluntness100 I’m aware of this.

I agree with PP. Regardless of whether he returns your key or not, get the barrels changed in your locks. Let it be one less worry on your mind whether he's made a copy of your key. It would be money well spent.

Kats11 my DD is safe because she is well out of it and always has been. I don’t want anybody’s sympathy, I created this post to give me some perspective, some outside views because I have nobody in RL to talk to. Thank you for your opinions.

He sounds like a total creep! You're well rid. I don't have a problem with my hubby watching porn, don't have an issue with him finding other women attractive and am partial to the odd crude joke from time to time but your fella is way past what is normal / acceptable. You're not being a prude, don't stand for anymore crap.

@Kats11 If you have no sympathy, close the thread and move on. The rest of us are here to support a fellow human being doing something incredibly hard.

OP well done for the steps you've already taken. Another one here saying definitely change the locks, report him via 101 and tell his neighbours that their children’s rooms are overlooked. That's all you need to say or write to them.

Keep strong and keep going.

OP I lived with someone like this and it was only when I escaped that I realised the full horror. You have seen it now and are going to get rid. Keep up your therapy and I promise you you will find new friends. 💐

Wow. Nope. Wouldn't want to be with someone who sounds misogynistic and like a predator. DP does not think that him at all, we're only 24 but he finds it odd that people our age would ever be with 16-18yo. There's a major emotional difference that means he's just not into it.

The vagina actually doesn't stretch very much at all so he's also an idiot as well as an Incel

@Katz11 It is often hard to leave a predator. It may not be hard for YOU to leave a predator, but don't speak for everybody when you're in a forum where many are struggling to get out of just such difficult situations. You are minimising people's feelings.

If he's not a paedophile already, he's certainly one in the making! I would even consider reporting it to the police. They could check his laptop which would usually give a good indication. He sounds vile and a danger to teenagers.

Thanks so much for all the support, it really does mean a lot to me. I’ve ended the relationship several times in the past for various reasons, it is hard to leave, I stay strong for a couple of weeks then contact him through sheer loneliness/boredom and frustration at my situation. I talk to DD most days but she’s so happy and busy in her life so I don’t tell her how I’m feeling, other than DD I talk to staff in the local supermarket a couple of times a week, I promise this is not a pity party, I don’t feel sorry for myself at all, it’s my reality and I think it needs to change. However I feel I will not contact him.
I will change the lock and also my mobile number.
After I drop his things to his flat I’m going to pop a note through the neighbours house who backs onto his, thanks to a pp who suggested writing. Much easier and unlikely to have repercussions on me. Also I’m going to give 101 a call.

Also have a therapy session booked for 11th December.

So glad to hear you’re getting shot of him for good. What a creep that man is. Stay strong and know that you are doing the right thing.

Well done OP. It doesn't matter if you take a little time for self pity. Remember it's easy for people on internet forums to be super critical and to absolutely annihilate you. It's easy to say we would have left a long time ago etc. but we are all different and it must have been hard when there is also so many people around him normalising his behaviour. He has been gaslighting you for a very long time OP.

I'm happy that you're going to break free. Take some time to yourself and build up your self esteem and focus on what you want and deserve out of life. Good luck!

That's a brilliant plan. Go for it, and check back in here for support whenever you need it.

@Inthemoment38 and OP. Seconded. OP check in here if you start getting lonely/bored/frustrated again. There's much more support here than he could ever give you.

That uncomfortable feeling is your gut telling you run... run far away as possible from this person. This has nothing to do with him not living out his teen life. This is a deep rooted problem. He's a grown ass man perving on young women. Naw... run!

"All men think like that..." I can tell yea they sure as hell don't.... He out right grooming away at both of you!!

Well done OP. I think you've done really well to come here, talk, listen and make good decisions. It's clear your life hasn't and isn't easy. There are a lot of people on this thread you just can't be arsed to read it fully and are accusing you, wrongly, of endangering your adult DD. You clearly have have endangered your own emotional well being, with your lack of boundaries and loneliness. You seem well on the way to remedying it.
Well done, I think you are doing great.

OP, well done. I can only imagine how absolutely dreadful you must be feeling, and you are ABSOLUTELY doing the right thing. PLEASE get the locks changed tomorrow, leave nothing to chance.

You've got a lot of support on this thread, please use it

Oh God, do you have to ask? LTB, he's a horrible creep at best

And please get some counselling to find out why your expectations of men are so low they're literally bringing you dregs from the gutter. If no-one ever told you you're worth more, hopefully this thread has changed that

Omg he is vile
I would also advise talking to police about his interests.

Just wanted to say well done OP, you’ve made the right decision