DP making me feel creeped out

[Phoebesfleas]

DP and I have been together for nearly 5 years, I won’t go into too much detail about our lives because they would be quite outing. We don’t live together, he’s emotionally unavailable and never wants to settle or marry and I have a huge responsibility which makes committing to a serious relationship very difficult.
DP had a bad accident in his teens, he missed out on a lot of late teen life due to his recovery and loss of confidence. He feels he has missed out on meeting girls/sex/a teen relationship. This has affected him quite a lot and he is sometimes bitter, usually after too much to drink.
He often makes sexual ‘jokes’ about teen girls, virgins, young breasts, tight vaginas that haven’t been ruined by having babies etc, these ‘jokes’ have always made me feel uncomfortable, he will choose to watch films with teenage girls in and I’ve seen him gawp at very young women. I understand that young women are attractive to men, I don’t have any jealousy issues but something about these jokes make me feel deeply uncomfortable and a squirmy feeling in my belly. I’ve asked him to stop making ‘jokes’ as it makes me uncomfortable, he says I’m jealous of these young women because I’m not young anymore. I do not have any issues with getting older, overall I’m happy with myself. I know he has had issues with porn in the past, I don’t think he does now. His attitude is almost incel like, women over a certain age hold no value and are ‘ruined’ if they have had children. I know that he has tried to get close to an older teen neighbour of his in the past. He has also made ‘jokes’ about my young adult DD, he said that all men think like him but know it’s a taboo subject.
He said something last night that made me cringe and I want to know if it’s me being a prude.
For the record I’ve dated a lot in the past and have never come across a man in his late 30’s having this attitude.
I want to end the relationship over this but don’t know if it’s my problem or his.
Please tell me your opinions.

Please leave and protect yourself and your daughter and be frank with him about the help he needs.

My God leave him! He sounds vile and all of the things you have said are already unacceptable without taking on to account the particular comment that upset you. This is not normal behaviour.

Of course you should end the relationship over this. He sounds absolutely vile and has no respect for you or other women. Why have you tolerated this for 5 years? You need to keep him as far away as possible from your daughter.

@Phoebesfleas

What do you see in him? I hate men who talk like this and I have worked with a few in the past. One guy would keep talking about his sex life so in the end I told him I didn't want to hear all the revolting details and what would his girlfriend think if she knew he was sharing intimate details about her with his work colleagues. He said are you going to tell her and I said I might do if you continue to talk about her all the time. He then stopped sharing everything with us. I don't know what men like this are trying to prove? Do they think they are some kind of sex god and need everyone know they are? I find it a complete turn off and think they must either have a small penis or are not really experienced at all.

Why on Earth are you with this man? He is unbelievably AWFUL ? What are you teaching your DD by staying with him? Why would you do that to her?

Just read the full thread. Hope you are ok OP and that you managed to leave yesterday as planned

I’ve read the full thread and honestly think if you manage to get out and end things for good your such a strong person.

I was 13 when my abuser started and his wife was well aware of his vile comments as he’d often make them in front of her (although not the physical) she wasn’t strong enough to leave, she’s family and I love her but I still find it hard to swallow that she knew something wasn’t right and didn’t have the courage to stand up and leave.

Your 100% doing the right thing!

Hope you are ok OP, glad you are going to get rid of the disgusting bastard. And yes to leaving a note for his neighbours, they need to know he is watching. Just keep yourself and your family safe OP, let the police know whats going on. X

Please get your DD and yourself as far away as possible from this horrible man ASAP.

I am glad you are ending things, OP. Well done for trusting your instincts. He was absolutely a wrong 'un and you would never have been happy while you were with him.

This is what porn does to us. It turns us into objects. Non people. Items of jest and scorn.
Porn is the biggest threat to womanhood after bans on abortion/contraception. We need to rise up. Why are we accepting it?

This guy's issues go beyond porn.

Porn is a problem but lots of people watch porn and take what they choose from it .. not everyone chooses to take objectifying and fetishising teenage girls from it.

He has a particular mindset/fetish that is just being reinforced by the porn he chooses to watch.

Note his relative relationship dysfunction. Op says he's a fairly good-looking guy etc but has a very very limited, patchy relationship history. He's dysfunctional/maladjusted. It's not just the porn.

*You need to keep him as far away as possible from your daughter."

Would pp please read the thread and op's responses. Ops DD is an adult living with her bf/partner who has had very limited interaction with this guy - plus op is finishing the relationship.

Just to clarify I can see you are handling it but all men absolutely do not think like this.

My dp lost a lot of his teens and twenties supportight his family and he absolutely would not consider these statements OK, he would and does when he comes across them consider them abhorrent.

He has taken issue with his crap from other men before and his friends are the same. It's something I'm aware they have closed down and there have been massive social reprisals from connected friends with this attitude.

Nice one op for seeing the truth and doing something.

"This is what porn does to us. It turns us into objects. Non people. Items of jest and scorn.
Porn is the biggest threat to womanhood after bans on abortion/contraception. We need to rise up. Why are we accepting it?"

Oh does it bollocks. What a load of shite.

Where's your outrage towards the "chick flick" genre, which is far more harmful to young women?

*Oh does it bollocks. What a load of shite.

Where's your outrage towards the "chick flick" genre, which is far more harmful to young women?*.

I'm actually neither anti porn nor do I think you're wrong about chick flicks promoting unhealthy attitudes .. but I'd really be hard pressed to say porn does less potential damage to you f women than chick flicks.

Have you seen what passed fur mainstream porn nowadays?

Young woman are having to constantly deal with assumptions from men that choking, strangling, slapping, deep throat/gagging, anal, being ejaculated on facially etc are activities that are in the range of normal and enjoyable to women.

*for

In fact, not even just young women - women of all ages.

Oh I forgot spitting/being spat on. Usually in the face.

My DH was walking along the street one day behind an attractive woman. He told me straight up he thought she looked very attractive from behind but when he passed her, he realised it was ourDDs friend and he was horrified. It’s okay to find people attractive but decent human beings know when boundaries are crossed and their inner values knows when it’s wrong

&Sandals19 - you are so right sadly

Got half way through couldn't read anymore he’s vile

Porn does not turn people into pedophiles, abusers & sex pests. Otherwise every Tom dick & Harry would be a pedophile

A lot of men only watch lesbian porn & don’t even want to see a penis!

Some women watch porn & like anal

How are you OP? Have you dropped his stuff off at his flat and texted him? I certainly would get my locks changed if I were you as you really don’t know how he’ll react to this!

Oh op I want to reach through the internet and give you a hug. I am so glad you're leaving him. You deserve so much more than some horrible man telling you your attractiveness is diminishing every day with age or that your vagina is ruined from childbirth.

You sound lovely and it must be really hard caring for a family member. Nobody should have to give up their own life. Can you get any help? Are there other family members you can reach out to and tell that it's too much. Interaction should not be limited to retail staff. I understand you haven't been able to maintain friendships but you could even start volunteering or join a hiking group or anything really. You deserve more than this!

Well done for making the decision to leave this awful man. I hope things improve for you, you sound lovely.

By the way, I am not ignoring the sinister element of this topic but it has been covered and you sound like you are taking appropriate steps to inform the authorities etc.

But please think hard about making some improvements in your own life. I hope the therapy goes well.

It's only a suggestion and feel free to ignore but many years ago I found myself single, lonely, blue when everyone else planning their weddings. I took up dance classes. They gave me such confidence and opened up a whole new world of fun. A bit cliche I know, just giving you a personal example.

Hi OP

Just wanted to wish you all the very best.

As pp said, you sound really lovely and I’m sure you will find it easy to be liked among new friends.

I have known similar guys to your [hopefully now] ex... who try and play this card. It’s abhorrent but not as rare as may be admitted.

You’re doing the right thing. Good luck