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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Update - back home and it gets worse!

145 replies

Coronade · 14/11/2019 00:26

So we are back from the 2 week family holiday from hell, which on day 4, I discovered partner of 27 yrs was having an affair but I kept it quiet so i didn’t ruin the holiday for our children ( 16 & 20).

Been home a few days and I still haven’t said anything as I want to wait till I’ve seen a solicitor on Friday ( we aren’t married). I’ve discovered he has a list of all the dates he has been on with this woman ( very nice places too and nights away -16 so far and he must have spent a fortune). What kind of arsehole keeps a list of the dates he’s been on with his mistress?!!
I’ve also found out who she is and where she works. She is also married with grown up children. He used to go out with her when he was a teenager. How sweet 🤮
He’s sent her flowers, I know the hotel they stayed at one night and the numerous long phone calls he’s had with her ( supposedly he hates talking on the phone!!).
He’s also adding to the list since we’ve been home as he’s meeting her for a day out this week.

I can’t believe it all really, think I’m in shock. He can lie so easily and so well. I feel like a complete idiot.

OP posts:
Smotheroffive · 14/11/2019 17:02

Ah ok, I misunderstood then Wink

XJerseyGirlX · 14/11/2019 17:12

Sorry it's so hard op. You must be feeling so angry. Your a better woman than me , you've so much strength.

Ivalueloyaltyaboveallelse · 14/11/2019 20:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ivalueloyaltyaboveallelse · 14/11/2019 20:27

Sorry posted in wrong place

carly2803 · 14/11/2019 21:13

OP i wish you the very best for your future.

Please dont think for s second though he wont empty your joint account if you have one. (or has he done this?)

either way,protect yourself first, and dont sugar coat it too much for the kids. They are not stupid and you dont want to paint him in an entirely good picture, he broke your family up after all

elmosducks · 14/11/2019 21:19

I haven't read your other thread but wanted to echo what PP's have said.
Seek legal advice. Squirrel cash and whatever you will need in the next year. Get your ducks in a row.

Good luck...

Scribblescribbles · 14/11/2019 21:40

Good luck for tomorrow OP. Maybe the list is him romanticising the situation? It would bug me too. Unless he needs to write them ahead so that he doesn't go into work on the days he goes out with her. Maybe it's so he can work out his leave/flexi days without it appearing obvious to you when for instance he wouldn't have any leave left for family holidays etc? Depends on how flexible his job is U spose.

Palaver1 · 14/11/2019 22:16

The other woman’s family need to know.
She should notget away with it either

DonKeyshot · 14/11/2019 23:20

It's not enough to take a picture of a bruise. You need to have it documented by a health professional such as your GP and I advise you to err on the side of caution and make an appointment asap - don't wait for the bruise to fade!

As before, when you text or phone him to say you know, make sure to mention that it won't be long before her husband knows about her infidelity as this may stop your stbxp from totally losing his cool with you.

It's not so much a stick to beat him with as an amulet that will help you ward off any tendency he has to get nasty i.e 'one word out of place from you and her dh will know what the two of you have been up to'.

You have the luxury of being able to take your time before telling the poor sap about his dw's dalliances with another man.

mathanxiety · 15/11/2019 05:51

Did you just arrive back on Thursday?

You should go to your GP on Friday and tell him or her about the bruise and how you got it.

Potnoodledoo · 15/11/2019 13:00

I hope it went well today @Coronade

youngandconfused99 · 15/11/2019 13:33

I cannot give any advice really on this, but I want you to know your daughter will need you to be strong in this, but also let her be there for you. I know I would my mum to lean on me in times of stress, and show me that when I want to settle down, I do not have to settle with someone who doesnt respect me. You are being so brave, and showing your children how to be good loving adults x

Ilovethekitties · 15/11/2019 14:19

Stay strong today OP. Hugs.

2littleChicks · 15/11/2019 14:29

I read your original thread. You're an incredible woman. I really hope he goes without a fight and his tail between his legs. You deserve so much better. How did it go at the solicitors?

sableandI · 15/11/2019 14:40

Dear op, I read your original post and not sure how you managed to get through your holiday. Good luck today

BonnesVacances · 15/11/2019 14:48

I'm aghast sometimes how these men behave and think they're getting away with it! Hmm Can someone link me to OP's first thread please. Thanks.

poorlymatchedsocks · 15/11/2019 14:50

God I would've gone bat shit by now. I'm so impressed with how calm you're being

Original poster
Coronade · 15/11/2019 14:59

Hi all I started a new thread with my solicitors update today as thought this was getting too long. Called update 2 - Soliciters visit

OP posts:
2littleChicks · 15/11/2019 15:01

@Coronade do you have a link?

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