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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

If this happened on date 4 would you stop seeing them?

119 replies

CurledEylash · 03/11/2019 09:20

We meet once a week and this was date 6. He’d been a bit funny about food from day one really, quite impatient if food took a while, for instance.

Date 4, he picked me up, we drive to the new restaurant that’s opened nearby. He takes a wrong turn and so it adds another 12ish mins to the journey. He starts going quiet and looks cross. I ask if he’s ok. He says yes, I’m just hungry. He barely speaks on the way to the place. It’s getting a bit strained as I feel like I can’t say anything as he’s clearly in a foul mood. We arrive, I say it seems like something else is going on as you seem angry, if you want to call it a night that’s fine? He almost glares at me and says I’m hungry and I get short and irritable when I’m hungry. I just want to go in to the place. I said he was making me feel really uncomfortable and almost scared because I didn’t know him well enough to understand him being moody five minutes after we meet for a date. He said I was being over the top and he was being short because of being hungry, I said that wasn’t ok and he wasn’t a child. To which he got out of the car and we had a meal, he announced half way through that he felt much better and his mood changed.

What the fuck? I’m right to have ended this, right?

OP posts:
CurledEylash · 03/11/2019 09:21

Date 4 not date 6! Typo in first senesce!!

OP posts:
category12 · 03/11/2019 09:22

Who needs that? Of course you're right.

JacquesHammer · 03/11/2019 09:23

Yeah, utter dick. You can do better.

Manchild is such an unattractive look.

fernandoanddenise · 03/11/2019 09:24

Get rid. He’s an immature prick that can’t control his temper. Fuck him right off and tell him why. He might use it as a learning experience - if you can’t control your mood and take it out on others then they leave.

Rainbowshine · 03/11/2019 09:26

Yes you were right. I get “hangry” so if I know I’m eating late I’ll have a small snack to avoid feeling feint and out of sorts. I reckon the blaming you for your reaction would have applied to a lot of situations if you carried on seeing him.

JoinTheMicrodots · 03/11/2019 09:26

He gets hangry - lots of people do. If he was just quiet and trying to focus on getting to the restaurant asap, then I wouldn’t worry too much about it. Is there a reason you asked again what was wrong before you’d eaten?

CurledEylash · 03/11/2019 09:27

I felt pathetic really as I was genuinely nearly in tears. I’m not particularly sensitive really but i felt scared at the mood change. And when you don’t know someone that well it’s quire unsettling.

OP posts:
allgoodinthehood · 03/11/2019 09:27

When people SHOW you who they are realise this is what they are really like.

RebeccaGlasscock · 03/11/2019 09:27

Urgh, what a loser, you totally did the right thing ! He's not 3 fgs.

Gruzinkerbell1 · 03/11/2019 09:27

If there’s no medical reason behind him needing to eat at a certain time then yes, he’s a dick and be thankful that he’s shown his true colours this early on and you can walk away.

Imagine a future being dictated to by this man’s stomach. No thanks.

MonsterMashedSpud · 03/11/2019 09:27

Moody, impatient, angry and silent. Traits I’d avoid.

TheTickingTime · 03/11/2019 09:28

Nope, that 4th date would be me not even bothering with that date and seeing you were in his car, I would simply have taken another ride home in a taxi, what a gent he is. Hungry wasn't the excuse, he was oissed because he took a wrong turn, manchild. Can you imagen if you had taken the wrong turn what he would have said or done?

JoinTheMicrodots · 03/11/2019 09:28

Sorry - re-read and see that you’ve already ended it. Oh well, probably for the best.

CurledEylash · 03/11/2019 09:28

join he barely said two words.

I don’t like being hungry, who does, but I’d never go into a mood about it especially with someone I barely know. He’s not a child.

OP posts:
JacquesHammer · 03/11/2019 09:29

He gets hangry - lots of people do

Ah yes hangry. The bastion of the cutesy meme to try and excuse being a dick!

Everydaylife · 03/11/2019 09:29

If it was that extreme that you felt scared and upset then you definitely did the right thing.

KatherineJaneway · 03/11/2019 09:30

I get hangry but I know I do, so I moderate my behaviour accordingly so I don't take it out on anyone else. He clearly hasn't learnt to do the same.

Snowman123 · 03/11/2019 09:30

It's certainly seems like a red flag of worse behaviour to come. If that's how he acts in the early days then I don't hold out much hope for the long term.

I think you probably did the right thing by ending it. Hope you meet someone nice soon :-)

user1493413286 · 03/11/2019 09:31

I agree; I get grumpy when hungry but I can hide it and act like an adult. If he’s not doing that on date 4 then what will come up in the future?

OrangeTwirlGate · 03/11/2019 09:31

For someone to act like this on only date 4 imagine what he would be like after a few years of marriage.

Run for the hills

scoobydoo1971 · 03/11/2019 09:31

Maybe he gets low blood sugar if he doesn't eat for a while, or low blood pressure. I do on both counts, my daughter does...it makes us rude and snappy until calories enter. However, knowing this, we both keep small snacks on hand between meals to counter the effects of the condition. The fact he was like this on an early date, when he is supposed to be impressing you, is never ever going to bode well as to the future. Please find someone who is more self-aware and acts like an adult.

5LeafClover · 03/11/2019 09:33

Ah, he's teaching you how to put up with his shit. Lesson 1was I'm allowed to be impatient (with food places) if I don't get what I want when I want it . That was lesson 2....I'm allowed to treat you like crap if I'm in a bad temper ( but it's not really my fault if I'm hungry).

Hmmm...you were definitely right not to hang around for lesson 3. I bet he tries to hoover you back though.

GoodGriefSunshine · 03/11/2019 09:34

He may have low blood sugar. Hypoglycaemia. In which case he would be no more able to be calm or be rational at that moment than a woman with severe PMT or menopausal emotional fluctuations or a diabetic whose bloods are out. I'm wondering if someone wrote a post saying that they were on their 4th date with a woman and she seemed short and snappy. She explained that she was premenstrual and that it would pass in a day, whether people would tell the poster to dump her. Or if a diabetic went into a diabetic coma whether people would say 'yah, you don't need this shit'. Or someone suffering anxiety or depression. Seriously. You state that once he had eaten a bit he was normal again. Give him some slack and figure out if it's a physiologic thing. He wasn't showing any violent tendencies. He displayed a typical hypo reaction.

Bluerussian · 03/11/2019 09:34

It sounds like low sugar level which causes some people to be extremely grouchy. Hypoglycaemia. I'm not making excuses for him but it is a possibility.

I'm sorry things haven't turned out well. More fish in sea.

Wine
BlueCornsihPixie · 03/11/2019 09:35

'Hangry' is total bs

Yes you might get a bit more irritable when your very hungry but most adults can control themselves enough that they don't act like an arsehole because their hungry ffs. Being hungry is not an excuse to act like a dick, what happens when your hungry at work? It's not like he's the hulk and has no control over himself