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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

NEW FAB AND GLAM

952 replies

Dior · 17/08/2007 13:32

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lou33 · 30/10/2007 17:55

what you need to realise is that it isnt a discussion, you are telling him it is over

his opinion doesnt matter, unless deep down you are only doing it so he can chase you and win you back

you do not need his permission to end it

if he says whatever, so what?

you told him, job done

HappyWoman · 30/10/2007 18:12

Unfortunately you probably wont be able to stay on good terms for a while. It may well be a shock to him and he may well say some things he may not really mean - it could be the shock if he finally gets it.

You must find that courage and expect the worst fallout - although it may settle later. He will probably try and hurt you in any way he can as he will want to gain some control back- but know that is all it is - you will only feel weak if you then cave in and will have in fact 'given' him some of the power back.

My SIL has just left her H and it has been awful - but i can see both sides and know that they are both saying and doing things they may not be proud of in the future.

Remember that - and that he could well be very nasty - you do not have to lower yourself to that - treat him the way you would wish to be in his situation and stick to it.

Good luck it will be ok in the end i am sure.

Original poster
Dior · 30/10/2007 19:00

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lou33 · 30/10/2007 19:30

but this time you are ending it, not looking for forgiveness

his behaviour will make you realise you have done the right thing

ginnedupumpkin · 30/10/2007 20:42

This thread has zoomed off without me again- I haven't had chance to come on here for a day or so!
Baffy I'm so pleased for you - if anyone deserves it you do.

We went to relate last night. I started a thread about it but am hopeless at links so I'll cut and paste what happened here:

It went quite well actually. He kept trying to get the focus off his drinking and on to me and how I drive him to it but I managed to get my point across and the counsellor was lovely. She basically said to him that his behaviour wasn't acceptable to a family life and the time has come to choose which way he wants his life to go, which he agreed with. I think it helped to have a stranger say it to him rather than me as I just get told I'm nagging.
I felt such relief when it was over and for the first time in months I actually slept really well last night.
The only problem now is can we afford to go to the regular weekly sessions (£50 a go). The waiting list is 6-8 weeks so it should be after christmas now.
The other good thing is that he's been to the docs and he has to keep a diary of his drinking over the next 2 weeks and then go back. He's also got some tablets to stop him smoking too.
So at least he's trying!

Original poster
Dior · 30/10/2007 21:10

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MascaraOHara · 30/10/2007 21:15

very hard not to text him this evening.

Feeling v rubbish

Original poster
Dior · 30/10/2007 21:16

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Original poster
Dior · 30/10/2007 21:16

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MascaraOHara · 30/10/2007 21:17

lol, haven't done it. I want to really badly to just say 'hi, how's the lsat couple of days been?'

not going to do it though.

Original poster
Dior · 30/10/2007 21:20

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MascaraOHara · 30/10/2007 21:21

Good, just keep telling me.. I am listening

Original poster
Dior · 30/10/2007 21:21

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MascaraOHara · 30/10/2007 21:22

how's your h been tonight?

Original poster
Dior · 30/10/2007 21:25

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normabutty · 30/10/2007 21:25

Ok I'm outing myself cos it's too difficult to name change each time.

GUP - glad the counselling went well. Hope you can negotiate the prices so that you can carry on with them. Glad your dh is listening to the counsellor too.

MoH - don't text him!!! If he's worth it, he'll contact you.

Baffy - good luck for tomorrow.

Dior - I think the others pretty much said it all.

Well I'm off to the docs in the morning and dreading it (I hate doctors). Dh had to take the day off work today because I'd got so worked up. Last night I told him everything, every secret, every worry. He's been really understanding. I'm just hoping that I don't end up feeling I need to leave to get my confidence back iyswim. Anyway I guess the point I'm trying to get to is that tomorrow I'm starting over, I'm going to get help for my pnd and start getting some confidence back. I'm thinking about booking driving lessons too so that I can get back into driving again and have a bit more independence.

Original poster
Dior · 30/10/2007 21:26

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MascaraOHara · 30/10/2007 21:26

That sounds good.. Are you looking forward to it?

normabutty · 30/10/2007 21:26

pants, meant to say it's Want2feelbetter.

Original poster
Dior · 30/10/2007 21:27

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Original poster
Dior · 30/10/2007 21:28

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normabutty · 30/10/2007 21:30

I can drive, I just haven't really driven much for years and it's a bit scary where we live (Leeds) compared to where I learnt (Lake District) so I think a few lessons might mean I can actually drive around here.

Dior...I'm always surprised you know me!!!

Original poster
Dior · 30/10/2007 21:32

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Original poster
Dior · 30/10/2007 21:33

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normabutty · 30/10/2007 21:38

I always thought no-one noticed me on threads...then you recognised me on one and CurlyWurly knew who I was when I met her at a baby show.

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