Dating thread 173 - Winter is coming - 'cuffing' is optional

[CodLiverOil556]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item. 😘

Hello everyone. Catching up with this thread is a vague aspiration for me, so fast does it move.

@Peanuthedz I want to throttle MrU. The unspeakable shit. Can you just block him?

@TooOldForThis67 I'm glad it's going well with MrG. Having your ex back in your house must be really hard. I don't even let mine over the doorstep (because this is my house and he has no right to be in it, so a different situation). MrSG says that we should answer the door to each other's exes in the new house. That might put my ex off from coming to the door at all - I don't know why he doesn't just drop DS off and wait in his car to check he gets in. DS is 10 and there's never any parking so ex just abandons his car on the double yellow lines at the corner, blocking both road and lane, and insists on accompanying him to the door. I don't want to see him; so I have no idea why he wants to see me unnecessarily.

I'm glad you sorted things out @shitwithsugaron. It's great when you look at someone from afar and think 'wow. He's gorgeous and mine'. 😁

I love a good dating thread beard debate. That image is hilarious @HairyArsedMan. I'm ambivalent about beards. I hated it if my ex tried to grow one. He's very blonde and cannot grow a proper beard so it just looks dreadful. Patchy and like his face is a bit out of focus at the bottom. Honestly, it looked dreadful. He's also balding and just not very good looking. So dreadful all round really.

MrSG is currently sporting lots of stubble, so he's in the ambiguous is it a very short beard category. He looks gorgeous. He can grow a proper beard though although his stubble is slightly gingery brown (like the rest of his hair). Tbh, he's got thick, fast growing facial hair. So if he decides to shave he's not clean shaven for long and his very short stubble is like vicious sandpaper. So it's probably better if he goes for short but beyond sandpaper stubble.

I'm still here. Still on Bumble seeing what's out there. A couple of chats but nothing worth meeting yet... or even exporting to whatsapp. I have a FWB (Mr double barrelled) who is lovely and very useful at stopping me from getting fixated on irons.

He's 6 years younger than me at 30 but high up in a corresponding industry so it doesn't feel like there's a disparity. We had a drink on weds and it was really good fun. I could see us staying friends even if we started dating other people and cancelled the benefits. He's fun ti flirt with and good with his hands and mouth though i think i was a bit inhibited by it being my first time with someone new in a decade and a half so i had trouble reaching my goal. The PIV bit was DREADFUL. Both times.

But the rest of his skills and the fact he was kind, attentive, affectionate and thoughtful are enough to make me want to try again.

I also have a date still on the cards with Mr Beard (yes. Beards again). I don't mind a beard but it needs to be well kempt and my issue with Mr Beard is that his could use a trim. It has been discussed. We met briefly and there was lots of chemistry and lots of chat since but he went a bit quiet on me then popped up to say he was having a tough time and though he wants to keep our date could we take a steo back on the chatting until then.

I appreciated the fact he messaged but i am concerned if this means there are MH issues. After 15 years supporting s9meone through severe depression and anxiety only to be catastrophically shat on i am wary of doing that again. It may have to be a conversation had before this goes much further. I've archived his chats to save me the temptation of checking in with him in the meantime. Balls in his court.

Hence why I'm so grateful for Mr double barrelled.

Also ive spent a bloody fortune on new lingerie due to weight loss and sex with new men. I know divorce is expensive but i dont think i had considered this aspect lol

@WooMaWang thanks. Why's he an unspeakable shit though? Am I being dim or just infatuated? He's having a terrible time. Although he could just go home... he's not waiting fir his universal credit to come through while living in a b n b with two kids etc I haven't heard from him since Monday and it's making it easier. I can feel the tide turning.

Actually next time he tells me how shit his life is that's what I'm going to say.

@Dancerinthemoonlight that's lovely. Although it just gave me the fear! I'm soooo emotionally unavailable!

Beards. Every. Time. Bigger the better. I'm feeling a bit swoony thinking about them...

Update from me; Had a second date with MrDr. It was lovely, we talk so easily and he thinks I'm hilarious. After we finished eating and we carried on talking for a few hours, we ended up holding hands across the table - it was so sweet. Then at the end of the evening he walked me to my car and we finally kissed!! It was lovely.

He messaged me when he got back home to say he couldn't stop grinning and thinking about me. We keep in contact throughout the day with the odd messages, but most of our chatting is done in the evenings for several hours. He is so easy to get on with and we've both acknowledged how we like each other a lot, we can't get over how things are.

However, that's not to say we are being carried away. He lives a fair while from me and he is away for work next week, so it enables time and space for things to progress more sedately. From my previous relationships/experiences I feel we've got something special and I don't want to rush things. We have had a jokey conversation alluding to when/if we have sex, I think that is on the cards for when he returns from his trip. Eeek!!!

I've been upfront about him not coming to visit my house (yet) as I have my teenage DD and don't think it is appropriate at this stage, even if she is at her dad's. He is totally in agreement, but says I am more than welcome to come to his any time and totally happy to take things at my pace. Yes..I do want to sleep with him , but also a bit scared!! It's the typical thing of not feeling body confident etc. I think I'm going to need a few stiff drinks.

So far, no red flags and he does seem to be a Good One. I'm kind of blown away by this and also teeter on wondering where the catch is...does anyone else understand? Past exes have always been so domineering/opinionated and in hindsight, the red flags were there in the beginning, but I chose to ignore as I was younger and lacking confidence. Today I'm a totally different person...fully assured and know what I want. I do trust him and don't want past relationships to colour my judgement, so for now I'm going forward with an open mind, but trying not to be hyper-vigilant. Gut instinct is, it feels right.

Does this mean I'm on the smitten bench?

Oh and to join the Beard Debate: I've had both. I like beards but MrDr is clean shaven. I'm for both!

@NoMoreWeepingAndWanking maybe just ask why he wants to cut back. It could be he is just busy with work or he wants to save chat for in person

He specifically indicated that he is struggling in some way.

I'm stepping back for now

@balonzz chemistry is a funny thing, it can be overpoweringly strong and very sudden sometimes.

@NoMoreWeepingAndWanking yes, the cost! My goodness, the flimsier it is the more expensive it is...

@PinkMonkeyBird plenty of room over here, come take a seat!

Black m and s all the way, here. If it's all black it always matches. Been complimented on it too!

@MoreNiceCereal sits down on smitten bench Thank you! I hope to be here for a while!

@balonzz I've had that. I couldn't do it now it some of the best sex I've had was with men who I thought were utter socks.

Or possibly dicks

Really odd isn't it!

Just updating again, erm still in Mr Surgeries bed, he took the day off work because of his car. Just spent the morning cuddling, kissing and watching TV. Everything just feels so natural with him

@Dancerinthemoonlight because of his car.... hahaha

@Dancerinthemoonlight Great update plus you looked beautiful in that dress. Cant keep up here with everyones stories but how did you meet Mr Surgeries?

@Peanuthedz it sounds like he is using you as an emotional crutch now without taking account of how much it's hurting you. I think try less contact especially if it's stopping you meeting anyone new

@balonzz my FWB had this with a previous partner, disliked each other at work but then he used to sneak into her house and 'do stuff to her' in the dark, then leave. Bizarre. They didn't like each other as people but enjoyed the sexual side....

I met him.om bumble ages ago, we swapped numbers but for some reason we stopped talking. Then when I was on holiday at the end of September I texted his number not remembering anything about him and we met 2 weeks ago. Having to get up to get food soon. His poor car the windscreen, and all passenger glass has been smashed. I'm firmly on the smitten bench with him and have deleted all dating apps.

@dancerinthemoonlight . That’s interesting to hear your story I’ve been messaging someone on and off for a good while now and we’ve not met with one thing and another and stopped talking for a few weeks. I felt like just stopping altogether but maybe it will work out in the end (or not but a few messages isn’t taking up my time too much)

MrU is being an unspeakable shit because he's so caught up in his own personal tale of woe he's not giving any thought to you or how him whinging on (or insisting you're the only good thing in his life) might make you feel. It's just all about him. But... it's not. He needs to pull his head from his arse and stop it.

You're definitely not dim, @Peanuthedz, but you do deserve better. He taking advantage of the fact that you are lovely and you care. That's not fair.

I love an update from an iron's bed @Dancerinthemoonlight. 😁

Thank you @WooMaWang

It's always been all about him. Always. I'm just waiting for my emotional side to catch up with my rational side. Nearly there. I hope....

This thread is such a bloody help. Again!

Hi everyone, some fab stories on here! I've been browsing the dating apps but haven't gone on any dates after the recent love bombing then radio silence.

Had a rubbish week dealing with ex partner stuff and feeling totally drained by it all. Heading out with my gay best friend tonight, hitting the gay bars so I doubt any potential irons. Just hoping for a good night out!

Have a great weekend everyone! Xx

Just left Mr Surgery. Second date lasted 22 hours. Sad to be leaving him but happy he is in my life. Feelings are very mutual and he is like the male version of me