Was this normal funeral behaviour in the 60s?

[Jaggypinecone]

My grandad died in 1960 and apparently my Gran didn't attend his funeral. I asked my mother if she had gone but she had no recollection - she would have been 32 at the time. I am assuming therefore that she didn't go as surely she'd have remembered her own father's funeral.

Reason I'm asking is that my Mum is still a bit peculiar about funerals. She always comes up with an excuse not to go to one, even if it's one of her closest friends, saying oh it's too far etc. etc. She'll only change her mind when she realises that me and my siblings will be attending and she can get a lift there -or realises how bad form it looks if we turn up and she doesn't-

I'm in Scotland. I know it was common way back for only the men to attend the graveside but like you I thought they still went to the service at least. I was curious as to when it stopped becoming normal practice.

My Grandad died on holiday way up in the north of Scotland but his funeral took place back in Glasgow. My Granny remained on holiday

My parents, who were approx. that generation were weird about funerals too, though I'm not sure it was the norm. I couldn't persuade my father to go to his sister's funeral despite offering to drive him there and organise everything. They also didn't tell me about my own grandmother's death till after the funeral, "so I wouldn't have to bother". I was abroad at the time but would have liked the option.
I think they liked to pretend death wasn't real and didn't understand the use of funerals in allowing the family and community to come to terms with it.

My nan remarried a man in th 60s and moved away to Wales . He died in the early 70s when I was still a young child.
I can remember my mum, nan and other female relatives staying at home whilst the men went off to the funeral . I can remember it being said it was the done thing because he was ' chapel ' . I can only imagine it referred to a particular religion.

Chapel/church was/is a big divide in communities. Chapel non-conformist, often Baptist, church was CofE or the equivalent in Wales and Scotland. I'm not really party the the subtleties but there were many cultural differences defined by your alignment.

This was still the case in the 90s in my part of Scotland with the older generation. My gran was horrified at me attending the cemetery at my aunt's funeral.

@DDIJ that’s because in Ireland they “wake” the dead either at home or at a funeral home for two days before the burial. Ppl who knew the deceased or the family come to pay respect and give their condolences. Usually we have open caskets too. Ppl love to say a prayer to the deceased.

I've heard of women not going to the funeral in Wales. I also know some cultures pregnant women do not go to the grave side as the 'spirit of the deceased' might enter into their baby.

I find cultural differences fascinating. One of my friends was born in Jamaica, when her mum died relatives brought some Jamaican soil to mix in with the British earth she was buried in. I think that's a lovely tradition.

Also it seems common ar Carribean funerals for people to bury their own dead, I mean as in after the religious bit you don't walk away to leave the gravedigger to fill in the grave, you take off your suit jacket, get a spade and fill the grave.

In my Father's family only the men went to funerals. This applies to the funerals of his parents' generation, as when DF died he left DM and DD (me) women went and so that tradition is over. I really don't think it was unusual.

DF's family is from the North of England. Mum's family, North Wales, everyone went. Just for info...

My Grandad’s funeral was one of the very, very few funerals my Grandma went to - she was 78 when we lost him and didn’t attend any others subsequently. Actually she didn’t want to be there when we scattered his ashes either although I think she did once ask where they were scattered. But she never visited the site or anything like that.

We’re also a Scottish family but moved to London in the 50’s. I guess it doesn’t matter how long she spent in the south, she wasn’t going to change that much (although she refused to wear anything but trousers after they moved away - when they visited home they all called her a fallen woman )

Also just recently I actually carried a coffin..I’m female and it had never been done in our village before

I went to my first funeral almost forty years ago, as a female teenager, when a neighbour died. It was not at all unusual for women to go to funerals then. Southern England if that makes a difference.

My Great Grandfather and Grandfather both died in 1966

As far as I know it was a full family attendance at both funerals . My Mum certainly went as did my Nan, Aunt and Uncle .

It was common in Wales.

My parents attended my great aunt's funeral about 10 years ago and she was the only female there including her own daughter.

West of Scotland here. Women went to the church but not the graveside until quite recently in my family. Late 90's when my great aunt died we all went to the burial and that was the first time my mum had been to one. Maybe practically the women had to go on ahead and get the tea ready, who knows.

My mum didn't go to her own mum's funeral in the mid-60's when she was a teenager because it wasn't the done thing for young people to go. I don't know if sons would have gone at that time, mum didn't have any brothers.

I didn't get to go to my grandpa's funeral in 1988 when I was 13. It wasn't even discussed as an option. I did get to see his coffin at home though so why my parents thought seeing his coffin in church would be any more upsetting who knows.

Things are different now and changed for the better imo.

I didn't go to either of my grandparents funerals in the early 70s. As far as I know, my Mum, their daughter didn't go either, because women didn't go to funerals. This was in the Liverpool area

Wow this is odd. I never knew this. Always been couples in my world. Even 30 odd years ago the first funeral I went to.

My granddad was from Dundee, when his siblings died my granddad and dad made the trip but my grandma and mum never did. I'd never thought about that before.

My other grandmother was English and was always very insistent that she go and show her respects, even in her 90's and frail.

Maybe a cultural thing.

I'm from South Wales.

Neither me nor my mother went to my father's funeral in 1991. Not the done thing, apparently.

I remember being told by an older, female family friend that "men do funerals, women do weddings".
My sister has carried a coffin at two family funerals in the past few years and something about that makes me very uncomfortable.

My mum didn't got to either of her parent's in the 70s and early 80s. When I asked about the 80s one (I was just old enough to have gone), I was told "women don't go". That side of the family is from SW England / S Wales.

Traditionally in Wales the body of the deceased would have been in the front room having been laid out by a member of the community skilled in this. On the day of the funeral the minister would come to the house and hold a small service. Some people might go on to the chapel service but not usually close women family members. Traditionally only the men would go to graveside.