Was this normal funeral behaviour in the 60s?

[Jaggypinecone]

My grandad died in 1960 and apparently my Gran didn't attend his funeral. I asked my mother if she had gone but she had no recollection - she would have been 32 at the time. I am assuming therefore that she didn't go as surely she'd have remembered her own father's funeral.

Reason I'm asking is that my Mum is still a bit peculiar about funerals. She always comes up with an excuse not to go to one, even if it's one of her closest friends, saying oh it's too far etc. etc. She'll only change her mind when she realises that me and my siblings will be attending and she can get a lift there -or realises how bad form it looks if we turn up and she doesn't-

My brothers have been pall bearers twice (for our grandmothers) - one commented that the coffin was indeed heavy (they were 2 of 4 on both occasions). I'm a foot shorter, and narrow shouldered, so it wouldn't have been at all practical to have been one of the pall bearers. One of the funerals included a burial, and one brother said he was terrified he'd drop the coffin - it's not completely simple to get a coffin from shoulders into the ground. So I think strength does play a role.

"Welsh people are big funeral goers generally. I have been to loads, it is considered respectful."

I'm not sure if that's still the case. I'd only go if I knew the deceased personally.
I was actually like OP's DM when I lived abroad. The tradition there was for the whole office to attend the funeral of a colleague's relative, even when you had never met that relative. I always made excuses as I found it too odd to go to the funeral of someone I'd never met.

As for pallbearers - I'm a feminist, but I would never kick off at not being given that particular role.

@Gwenhwyfar Yes wakes are still extremely common and almost the done thing here in Ireland.

My nana didn't attend my grandad's funeral. We're in the north east. My mam didn't go either apparently.

We went to a funeral about 6 years ago - DPs uncle. Church service then wake... nobody went to the crematorium. I found it very odd! The pallbearers took the coffin from the church and we all stayed for tea and cake in the back of the church!

I have been to some where I have not known the person at all well, but I have known one of the bereaved family.
I remember my Dad wearing a black arm band, I haven’t seen that for decades.

"Church service then wake... nobody went to the crematorium. I found it very odd! "

There's not much to look at in a crematorium. I can understand not going there if the service is elsewhere.

I have a newspaper clipping of a family member who died and it's only men at the funeral.

I'm South Wales.
I can remember my nan would go to the chapel service of the funeral but never set foot in a crematorium and was dead against women going in them (no pun intended).

At my aunt's funeral in the late 90s/early 2000s, I was the only woman at the graveside. I was expected to go straight to the funeral tea with the rest of the women, but just ignored that. There were, of course, no women taking a cord for lowering the coffin into the grave. My DF was so frail that I thought he was going to fall into the grave with the coffin, but even though he was clearly not able, he still took the cord as it was not the done thing for me to do it in his stead.

When my cousin died a few years ago, there were subdued mutterings around the grave as his three daughters and one son stepped up to take a cord each, but only by the older family members and their wives, although they had been at the church, waited in the car during the grave-side service.