BF says he had cancer I'm now doubting this!!

[anxiousannie90]

I'm starting to doubt that my BF ever had Oesophagal cancer.

We split up in March of this year and he got back in contact with me a week later with a long email saying how sorry he was and how could he tell his new GF that he had anxiety and had suffered Stage 1A Oesophagal cancer 3 years ago.

He said that he had surgery where part of his Oesophagus was removed and then stretched to be reattached to his stomach.

Now I just didn't even think until he let me use his laptop last weekend to order some things. I went into chrome and there at the top was a document called Treatment for Oesophagal cancer bookmarked. So I'm like why would he have this as he bought the laptop just as we started to see each other so definitely less than 3yrs old.

I went into it and it is nearly word for word how he described his treatment on the text he sent while we were not seeing each other.

Now I've done some googling about this and it seems to entail major surgery. The thing is he doesn't have any scars on his chest or on his sides.
I understand that there's a non evasive approach however this doesn't involve removing the oesophagus just the tissue or rejoining of the stomach.

I know call me naive but until recently I didnt even think to doubt him because I do try to believe in people and I just wouldn't have thought he would use cancer to get me back.

It's now causing me to doubt other things he's told me.

So what do I do, should I ask him why he's not got any scars or should I just leave it?

I'm just so confused

I would try to catch him out. Don't straight up accuse him because he might get defensive. Maybe ask him some questions about it and see if he trips up anywhere? And then confront him afterwards.

I would catch him out, too. I'd say that a friend at work's husband has the same thing and ask him what his treatment was.

It certainly looks a bit suspect.
The staff working there certainly dont look like the average members of spa staff! These are all about flaunting the chest and posing in a somewhat provocative way, not to mention the stripper make up🤔.
If I was you and was looking for a really decent massage I'd consider going to one of the big well known hotel resorts nearby where extras are unlikely to be part of the menu. If you do brave ot, be sure to report back!!

@GlamGiraffe. I think you posted in the wrong thread 🤣

Dear friend had this and sadly died in 2012

He had scars from the surgery and was left only being able to eat much smaller meals

This cad is stringing you a big fat whooper

What’s the point of catching him out?

He won’t want to talk about it as it’s a sensitive subject...🙄 hell just keep telling more lies

I have massive oesophageal problems

How’s his eating? I can’t swallow properly. So I don’t eat dinners. I have to eat very small snacks. I originally lost a ton of weight. I was already slim to begin with. Even now I eat a lot of very high calorie foods. Otherwise I wouldn’t sustain my weight.

I’ve had the tests too. Has he had a barium swallow? A GES? An endoscopy?

Dump him

If he had surgery, he would have scars.
Sounds a very unpleasant man to lie about something like this

Initially I was thinking he had the information, as he was checking symptoms, rates of re-occurence etc. I had breast cancer several years ago, and still occasionally look at cancer sites for information and reassurance.

However, the fact that it was word-for-word, Makes it suspicious. I wouldn’t be so specific about scars. Maybe say you have a friend, or a friend of a friend being investigated for it, and you want info about it, and ask lots of questions.

@Joerev. He has said that he's had surgery to remove part of his oesophagus and they stretched it so it could be reattached to his stomach.

He said to me about yearly check ups in June but it never happened I questioned him around that time about them but he just said that they probably forgot. He's still not been for this yearly check up yet.

He says he takes 60mg of Lanzaprozol daily as his sphincter doesn't close correctly and this causes acid reflux. I do believe this as he does take pills but not every day. So I'm not totally convinced 🙁

I lost my lovely Dp to oesophageal cancer last year.. If your DP is lieing to you then he is an out and out bastard! 😡 😡 😡 😡 😡 😡

I remember a thread on here a while back about lies people had heard. Someone saying they had cancer was surprisingly common

When I was 14 my friend had a boyfriend who was 17. He told her he wanted to lose his virginity before he died from lung cancer.

They had sex. He dumped her a week later. Guess who never had cancer.

Leave the scumbag.

Well stage 1a would be catching it very, very early. So if you wanted to catch him out you could ask about his symptoms given the early stage it was at and how he knew something was wrong. How big the tumour was at the point. I would also ask him how frequently he still has tests to determine if he is in remission and you would like to support him in those next tests.

But let’s be honest, if you think he’s lied about having cancer is there actually any future? Even if he is telling the truth (and I don’t think he is), your brain has still gone there so there’s obviously something very untrustworthy about him.

Is he your boyfriend or your ex-boyfriend with a new girlfriend, but you're still friends?

I have a cancer in remission a different one and I still do research and i am on various chat sites mainly based in America.

It would be a very weird creepy thing to do if he has lied. I had a surgical biopsy with keyhole surgery so my scar is extremely tiny hardly noticeable and not quite in the place you might expect given the organ affected.

@ivykaty44 I am so sorry to hear about your friend, big hugs xx

I had part of my oesophagus, my stomach and duodenum removed. I have small scars on my neck from the central line, a 30cm scar down my front then smaller circular scars where the drains and feeding line were while it healed. No chance he doesn't have a scar. This is major surgery.

@Elderflower14 I am so very sorry for your loss xx I really hope he is lying and I am just being an irrational woman, but something just doesn't sit right

@ThreeLittleDots He is my current partner. Been together for just over a year. He's hidden other stuff from me that I have found out but never confronted him with.

Has it ever been talked about in front of his friends and family? Maybe bring it up next time you are with them and watch their reaction

@Walnutwhipster & @Daddylonglegs1965 I am sorry to hear that you have suffered from Cancer and I am so glad that you're both in remission. I hope my post hasn't caused you any upset.

I have had previous partner's before who have had surgical scars and even though they were keyhole, you can still see it. I just can't see any one him

Trust your gut. You have other things that he has hidden from you so those are enough to get rid.

Do you know his family? Could you ask them about it/mention you're worried that he has missed his annual check?