BF says he had cancer I'm now doubting this!!

[anxiousannie90]

I'm starting to doubt that my BF ever had Oesophagal cancer.

We split up in March of this year and he got back in contact with me a week later with a long email saying how sorry he was and how could he tell his new GF that he had anxiety and had suffered Stage 1A Oesophagal cancer 3 years ago.

He said that he had surgery where part of his Oesophagus was removed and then stretched to be reattached to his stomach.

Now I just didn't even think until he let me use his laptop last weekend to order some things. I went into chrome and there at the top was a document called Treatment for Oesophagal cancer bookmarked. So I'm like why would he have this as he bought the laptop just as we started to see each other so definitely less than 3yrs old.

I went into it and it is nearly word for word how he described his treatment on the text he sent while we were not seeing each other.

Now I've done some googling about this and it seems to entail major surgery. The thing is he doesn't have any scars on his chest or on his sides.
I understand that there's a non evasive approach however this doesn't involve removing the oesophagus just the tissue or rejoining of the stomach.

I know call me naive but until recently I didnt even think to doubt him because I do try to believe in people and I just wouldn't have thought he would use cancer to get me back.

It's now causing me to doubt other things he's told me.

So what do I do, should I ask him why he's not got any scars or should I just leave it?

I'm just so confused

I think he is taking you for a mug.

@Walnutwhipster, Oh he definitely doesn't have a scar at all never mind the size of yours. I think he does have stomach issues which he takes medicine for but he has maybe exaggerated the seriousness of it to make me feel sorry for him. That's not an excuse for his lying just me hoping that he's not a big fat liar!!

I hope you're wrong but I've spoken to lots who had similar and their stories pretty much echo my own.

I suspect he is lying. Not sure why you got back together with him. I would ask to accompany him to an appointment with his Gp so you can discuss it and understand more. The time line and him not mentioning it until after you had split up and him asking you to tell his new girlfriend about a condition he had never mentioned to you sounds bizarre.

Why would a woman want her ex of 7 years to look after her after a hysterectomy and why for 6 weeks? They remove your uterus not your legs. Yes you need care but not intensive care for 6 weeks where your carer can't go out and socialise on an evening. He sounds untrustworthy and dangerous to your sanity

I suspect he’s lying. Now you’re suspicious you’ll always struggle to trust him. I’d ask how they diagnosed him, what symptoms he had. Most likely he’d have had an urgent gastroscopy and biopsies taken, they can usually tell what is a suspicious area by looking but send a biopsy off for confirmation.

To be fair, hiatus hernia is very common, I think the stats are 1/4 people have them! Rarely dealt with surgically as they can be managed with meds such as lansoprazole. Honestly? My hunch is that he had the gatroscopy, they found the hernia, maybe did some biopsies but the rest is fabrication. Think long and hard about staying with this man. Your gut is screaming that something is wrong. Listen to it!

You can't meet his parents because it would unravel the lies he's told you.

Had similar with a fantasist ex as well - he actually had chrons disease, but claimed to have a brain tumour when I split up with him.

Convenient excuse for his behaviour and hiding the existence of his (very real fiancé) but a blatant lie.

You don't live in Essex?

Ask him who his surgical and radiation oncologists are as well as his medical oncologist. Ask him if he had genetic testing performed. He'd need regular and frequent appointments as follow up. Where was the surgery performed? What was the date of the operation? All this should be very easy to answer if he's telling the truth. To be fair I'm an RN and a cancer survivor and I well and truly believe he's lying through his teeth. I've cared for multiple people who've had radical and intense treatment for esophageal cancer. It's truly a life altering procedure.

Thanks everyone for your advice and info. I am going to bed to think long and hard about what I do next. Wish me luck x

My dad had this surgery (he passed away just a few months later when the cancer spread) and besides the scars, he also had all kinds of trouble from it. He could only tolerate very small meals. And one thing that always, always happens after an esophagectomy is that you have to learn to sleep at an angle. You can't lay flat since otherwise gravity will move the stomach contents into your throat. So... does he sleep almost sitting up?

Just as a slight side, I watch MTV's Catfish a lot and that is the number one lie that they tell. Either cancer or car accident.

Your OP states that you split up with him in March. after 6 months surely you can tell that he's spinning you a tale in order to get a bunk up and free living space?

My Aunt has this operation and she has a huge scar down the front of her chest, she was also in hospital for weeks after.

She also can’t eat properly now, struggles to digest meat etc and she has a scar on her neck where there was a bag attached temporarily as an outlet for drinks while she was being plumbed back together.

I can verify I sleep practically sat up.

Such a sick thing to lie about!

I questioned him around that time about them but he just said that they probably forgot. He's still not been for this yearly check up yet.

That's an alarm bell to me straight away. I've been seeing a Consultant for the last 3 years and will be for as long as I'm alive from now on I guess. Not for cancer.

I don't make follow up appointments to see him. At the end of my consultation with him, he fills in a form that says when he next wants to see me and I hand that in to Reception and my next appointment is made for me and a letter comes in the post.

I certainly don't phone up the Hospital or the Consultants secretary to make an appointment to see him. As other posters have said, ask him who his Consultant is, he would know them by name, I certainly know mine by name and so does everyone else I know that sees one.

Some people out there are total health weirdos. A girl I knew lied about having cervical cancer and would produce the most elaborate reasons for not wanting to go down the pub on a Friday including

• her cancer had resurfaced
• gran has cancer
• dog has cancer
• friend has cancer
• keyhole surgery for fibroids
• termination

We just used to end up going “oh, ok then”.

Incidentally she’s fine nowadays.

I don’t know what it’s called when you get health fantasists but the guy sounds like he’s fibbing shit who’s created a tangled web he’s trapped himself in.

He's lying through his teeth. He's sick all right, mentally though.
Nobody who has had that surgery would be gobbling food like a pig.

Just dump the pathological liar.
Who cares if you offend him. He'll just be mad you caught out his lies is all.

You should be offended for him telling you such a terrible lie.

I don’t know what it’s called when you get health fantasists but the guy sounds like he’s fibbing shit who’s created a tangled web he’s trapped himself in.

It's Munchausens Syndrome I think. Could be wrong though.

The medication you said he takes is prescribed for for gastric reflux - which he probably gets from stuffing food down his neck like a pelican and smoking. His pants are on fire.
*Also, if he genuinely had oesophageal cancer and hasn’t given up smoking then he needs a thoroughly good smacking for that as well.

I do hope he isn't living with you - from your op, I think he isn't but I haven't read the entire thread yet.

My father in law had oesophageal cancer & died of it, it is probably one of the worst cancers because there are few success stories and it is painful. I hope this doesn't trigger anyone.

If your boyfriend had oesophageal cancer and is currently in remission, he would have had an operation, leaving scars.

I think he is lying, anxiousannie. I would be more than happy to be proved wrong, you sound so nice.

Take care of yourself,

He says his sphincter doesnt close and that causes his acid? That's his arsehole which incidentally he is talking out of

@slipperywhensparticus

I thought that was odd too. I have to take a similar drug for acid and my balloon knot is perfectly fine. (Sorry TMI)

You can’t eat like a horse when you have a hiatus hernia. He’s a pathological liar.

What's this obsession of yours with confronting him? Breaking up with someone does not require criminal law standards of evidence of wrongdoing.

He's a big fat liar. You know he's a big fat liar. If you ask a big fat liar if they are a big fat liar they will tell you lies. They also tend to get incredibly angry when challenged.

He's a dangerous loon. No wonder he's divorced. I bet his ex has some brilliant stories. Oh wait, I bet she's crazy and did awful things to him, right?

The trust is gone. He is not a keeper. End it. Don't mention the lies just say "This isn't working for me. I don't want to see you any more." with no further explanation.