BF says he had cancer I'm now doubting this!!

[anxiousannie90]

I'm starting to doubt that my BF ever had Oesophagal cancer.

We split up in March of this year and he got back in contact with me a week later with a long email saying how sorry he was and how could he tell his new GF that he had anxiety and had suffered Stage 1A Oesophagal cancer 3 years ago.

He said that he had surgery where part of his Oesophagus was removed and then stretched to be reattached to his stomach.

Now I just didn't even think until he let me use his laptop last weekend to order some things. I went into chrome and there at the top was a document called Treatment for Oesophagal cancer bookmarked. So I'm like why would he have this as he bought the laptop just as we started to see each other so definitely less than 3yrs old.

I went into it and it is nearly word for word how he described his treatment on the text he sent while we were not seeing each other.

Now I've done some googling about this and it seems to entail major surgery. The thing is he doesn't have any scars on his chest or on his sides.
I understand that there's a non evasive approach however this doesn't involve removing the oesophagus just the tissue or rejoining of the stomach.

I know call me naive but until recently I didnt even think to doubt him because I do try to believe in people and I just wouldn't have thought he would use cancer to get me back.

It's now causing me to doubt other things he's told me.

So what do I do, should I ask him why he's not got any scars or should I just leave it?

I'm just so confused

You really will be fine without this liar. Do you have a dog or a cat? It's hard to be lonely with that type of sweet unconditional love.

Volunteer for something. It's enjoyable to give you time and attention to those who really value and appreciate you.

Op I'm 47 and single there are pros and cons to coupledom and singlehood.

I like having my independence and being able to suit myself, have you never been single in your adult life for any length of time?

Honestly being single must be better than being in a relationship with someone you can't trust!

My dad also had oesophageal cancer which was thankfully discovered when he had his PEG feed removed in hospital following radiotherapy for laryngeal cancer. One of the medical staff noticed his oesophagus looked odd, took a biopsy and it came back as cancer. Anyway, he had the surgery that you speak of, OP, and he had massive long scars around his rib cage. There was no mistaking them or hiding them. He also was in hospital and very weak for a while afterwards, plus like other posters have said, he struggled to eat anything considerable for years afterwards and would struggle with children's portions. I am doubting your dp based on what you've said. The lack of scars says everything.

I know that he's lying but don't know what to do as I'm in my 40s and I really don't want to be on my own again

Better to be on your own than to be so badly accompanied. What is so bad exactly about being on your own?.

You are not old in your forties!!.

What did you learn about relationships when you were growing up?
You do not need such a man in your life, a person who has also been untrustworthy in other areas up till now also. You sell your own self short by giving him any of your time and being with this person too also stop you from potentially meeting someone who is worthy of you. He thinks you're a mug here.

It's worse than a lie pretending to have got or had cancer. 😠. I can't believe you'd rather be with someone so sick that they'd pretend to have this awful disease than be on your own.

Trust your instincts on this op.
If something isn't right, then it usually isn't.

I say this as I had an ex (who turned out to be very abusive) who lied about having cancer, he used this lie so I would feel guilty if I left him and would always use it after he abused me.
It was all a pack of lies and luckily I had a friend whose job it is to remove cancerous tumours to give me a wake up call and realise how much crap he was talking.

I think you're doing the right thing biding your time.

I went out with a chronic liar once. The whole time we went out I had this awful feeling in my gut and I'd learnt enough in life to trust that feeling. I asked questions as part of normal conversation and stored it all up. I talked it through with my best mate too and we both agreed something was odd.

He lied about so much and in the end I waited until he was asleep to check his phone. There it was in all its glory. Messages and messages to his ex, begging for her to take him back, meeting up with her every week before he met me.

Then later I found out the daughter he claimed to have with her, the one who he claimed he broke the speed limit to rush to the hospital and was escorted by the police because he was military personnel... not his daughter at all. Not in the military either. All just a massive scam. He was obsessed with his ex.

I am glad I was wise to keep my distance enough so I could end it when I needed to. I was glad I kept it all stored up because once I found that evidence, everything slotted into place.

Keep going OP. Keep things in your head until you get your smoking gun. Until then, keep your heart out of bounds and your head screwed on.