WWYD Inlaws will only take one child

[WhenAndWhere]

I am after a little advice here. So I got 3 kids, 7 year old DD, 4 year old DS and a baby. DH is working away a lot so I am on my own with kids and find it difficult to keep them all entertained when I am by myself. In the past while my inlaws have been offering to take my oldest out for a day every now and then to help me out. She loves spending time with them so I let her. Whilst I appreciate them making an effort I feel sad for my DS who gets upset because he is always left behind. Initially I thought it was one off occasion so didn't say anything. DS is noticing that his sister gets to spend time with grandparents and he has to stay with me and the baby. Last time it happened I decided to stop that, I am not bothered about baby not getting out because baby is only little and won't enjoy it anyway.
So today I got a message from my MIL asking if my DD would like to go out with them this weekend. I asked if they would also take my DS because he feels left out and gets upset. Got a message back saying this is a Halloween thing and they think my DS could get scared. Now I don't know what to do. Thing is my DS is very sensitive and he could potentially get scared. But then he will see his sister going away again and will start crying because nobody is taking him along. I also don't want to stop my DD from having a great time.

Surely if they loved their grandson they would learn about his needs.

It just appears to me that they prefer your dd which is a shame for your ds. Your ds should not be left out just because he has a medical condition.

My son was born with multiple needs and developed juvenile myoclonic epilepsy from a very young age. My mum was great and cared for him when I was at work. She took him all over the place including on cruises and other holidays. She was also very supportive of us when we had to take him to GOSH etc. She never had a problem with his conditions at all.

My PIL have a whole different attitude - they've denied he has any needs and ignored his issues. They've never supported us in any of the choices we've made or helped us, despite his epilepsy being under control.

We also have a daughter, born a few years later and they wanted to take her everywhere. I refused every time telling them they were unfair until they stopped.

I can't park how I feel about the situation- in denying my son's conditions they have ignored the gifts he brings with him.

I think it's great you have parents who will happily take your child out. I also understand why they might only want to take one at a time. BUT. They should certainly alternate. Taking only the eldest ALL the time is not fair.

I'm glad that he is now invited too. Please keep on it. Just don't let them see/take DD unless they alternate. Tell them that next time if they try to pull it off again "no, it is DS his turn, after that you can take DD out again. I don't do favouritism".

We had the exact same situation

My Nan would take my oldest out all the time and leave ds behind as he was too young for her to cope with.

Fair enough.

When he hit around age 4, he began to notice he was being left out.

I insisted she take both or none. She now takes both.

Sometimes she asks to take older one alone (such as a week holiday) but I’ve had to kindly refuse and say “sorry. It’s not fair on ds. The odd day here and there, fine but not a week”