Is he a cocklodger?

[Lackademic]

Rarely used NC, I'd rather this didn't follow me about.

DP and I have been together 3 and a half years. He lives an hour bus ride from me (he doesn't have a car, I do, and it's 40 mins driving) and stays at mine every weekend Fri night - Mon morning and sometimes 1 or 2 nights per week.

He eats like a horse. His portion sizes are huge. He doesn't ever cook anything unless I specifically request that he do so, otherwise he'll just wait to be fed; and I actually don't even ask him anymore because when I do he makes such gigantic portions which to be frank I cannot afford.

I shop every weekend for food. He does not contribute to the cost of this except perhaps every couple of months or so, when he might suddenly decide to pay half. He does occasionally buy a take-away.

He bitches about the cost of bus fare to come and see me... Every. Single. Time.

Until recently he was sharing a house with 5 other blokes, not much communal living space, small bedroom. I rarely went there unless I was picking him up or driving him home. Since August he's been in a lovely place with one other bloke. Three times I've told him how nice it would be if I came round and he cooked for me. I get vague agreement, no plans.

The vast majority of his clothes live in my wardrobe. I do all his washing.

I earn about £900 per month more than him (but work full-time to his 0.8). From this I pay a mortgage, car costs, wrap around care and private tutoring for my child, and vast petrol sums driving son to school / collecting / going to work; also obvs all household bills. He pays £450 p/m rent including bills. My outgoings far far far exceed his and I have far less disposable income.

I feel like he's massively taking the piss out of me. He comes to my house, gets fed, gets his clothes washed, uses my hot water, heating and electric and contributes absolutely fuck all.

Nice points: obviously we get on well or I wouldn't bother. He helps my son with maths homework which I can't (dyscalculic). He does occasionally contribute to housework / maintenance.

Am I being a complete mug?

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius you'd like to think so but ime you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink.

Well done Op.

Good job, OP.
Now pack up his shit and leave it at his house and you'll never have to do his stinky washing again.

Now keep him out, who needs a free loader like that, especially one who is a piece of shit when he feels like it,

Well done

I wouldn't even discuss it the issues with him. Tell him via text it's over, block his number. Chuck his stuff in a bag and put it on the lawn. Job done. Never see the fucker again.

Change the locks on your doors, do not engage with him as he will try and brow beat you in to submission and good luck.

@Lackademic well done. Any response from him at all last night?

Well done on the text. A thought about the account he eats. I had a written colleague who was incredibly tight. When we used to work away, which would involve starting at a hotel we would get a lunch abs duvet allowance and breakfast was included in the hotel bill. My work colleague would eat an ENORMOUS breakfast, take some fruit from the breakfast bar for mid afternoon eat no dinner, so he could pocket the lunch and dinner allowance. It was breathtaking. Maybe your (now) ex litterally only ways at your house!!

God sorry about all the typos, clearly a work colleague, lunch and dinner allowances etc. ( though a duvet allowance is probably what you were receiving!)

though a duvet allowance is probably what you were receiving!)

Hope you're ok OP?

From your OP I thought that you must be in a relationship with my most recent ex, but now you've given more detail about how long you've been together it can't be the same man as he can't have been staying with both of us every weekend.

I got rid of my cocklodger a year ago and have gone from strength to strength since. You need to be no contact afterwards though or you'll end up taking him back.

Being that fanny blind was rather embarrassing for you. - that's it, tell her how embarrassing she's been over the years, rather than how fantastic she is being right now.

OP - well done.

@SamBeckettslastleap - I'm sorry, I wasn't clear. You are absolutely right that it would be very difficult to teach a man to find the clitoris - but what I meant to say was, low as that probability is, I think it is still marginally higher than the probability of reforming a cocklodger.

My previous post made absolute sense, if you were living inside my head!

The reason he was complaining about the bus fare every time is because he was waiting for you to say "oh, no, that's awful you have that expense, why don't you move in here with me again" LOL!

Good to hear you've sent a text to end things. My advice would be to get his things bagged up asap so that you can just hand it all over at the door and don't have to let him back in. Change the locks if he has a key (only need to change the barrel hopefully).

@SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius tbf I think I was projecting, your post makes perfect se sense. Just me regretting choosing a perfectly good man who needs a lot more help than a map

Op, any reply from the cock lodger?

Well done OP on getting rid the cock lodger.

I love this group so much.

Sorry for the lack of an update, been a bit of a mess. We had a huge row on the phone last night, he denied not cooking etc.
I'm mental and fucked up etc. Had a horrible day at work feeling sorry for myself. Have come home to a huge bunch of flowers, a card in which he's written how sorry he is for not appreciating me, a load of food in the fridge, and his house key on the table.

Just me regretting choosing a perfectly good man who needs a lot more help than a map

I sympathise with this so much.

Pity he didn't do this regularly OP. It took you dumping him before he'd open his wallet

Too little , too late OP. A meagre gesture trying to make you feel bad. Put the card in the bin and either chuck or give the flowers away.

And whoever used the expression ‘fanny blind’ 🤣🤣🤣 OMG it cracked me up , sorry OP not laughing at you. You sound fab and level headed. Just be strong and keep reading this thread.

You have a child!!!!

Your child needs your money not this cretin. Get rid of him.

Sounds like a win to me.

Glad you got the key back, but I would change the locks anyway.

Now just get on with your life, throw that fucking card in the bin and eat every morsel of the food.

Don’t allow his words to have space in your head. Life is too short to waste on guys like this.

Oh blimey - he had a key. He really had moved in, hadn't he.