My husband just slammed a door on me repeatedly

[WhatTheChuffJustHappened]

Trapping my wrist, bruising and cutting it.
In front of the kids no less.

H and I have been together for 21 years, he's never raised a hand to me or even come close.

We moved out of our house into a tiny gritty nasty flat while we buy a house. No one wanted to, we all hate it but a long boring back story means we have no choice.

DH is a miserable arsehole every Sunday. I don't know why but he is, he speaks to us all like shit until the afternoon when nice DH comes out.
We're all sick of it. Knowing we were going to be in a tiny flat this weekend I offered for him to stay at hotel, I would pay, we all get a break.
He said he would stay at a friends tonight.

Instead he has extended his Sunday arseholeness to Saturdays.

We had a minor dispute about some medicine while he was holding the baby.

He then flipped out and slammed the kitchen door in my face - literally. I tried coming out and he kept slamming it shut, catching my wrist and slamming it again still.

I got out and I try getting the baby off him but he's pushing me, hard. I start to panic as he's holding the baby and I hit his arm. He then puts the baby in the sofa but towers over him so I can't pick him up.

I'm panicking and shouting at him to give me the baby and get out.
I pick up the remote control and hit him on the back repeatedly until he gets away from
The baby.

I pick the baby up and tell him to get out. My voice is shaking and he mocks it.

He eventually agrees to go after a torrent of lies.
He said he slammed the kitchen door because I started hitting him. That all this was because I kicked his clothes this morning (I did neither, there were no clothes and I was putting meds back in the fridge when he slammed the door, fridge and door directly next door to each other) he shouts that it's all my fault that he is the way he is.

I say fine, it's all my fault, I tried to fix that by giving him us a break in a hotel. But now he's still like this.

He took my door key so I couldn't lock him out.
To said I would take the kids to a hotel and he chucked the key back

I've now locked him out.

Fuck sake.

We have no more shared money.

He's just rinsed us dryz

What do you want to do @WhatTheChuffHasHappened? You don't have to do anything you don't want to. You don't have to call the police if that's not right for you, but you need to figure out a way to stop the bastard screwing you over.

Is there anyone in real life that you can call - family? A close friend?
You really need some actual support and help. Woman's Aid 0808 2000 247 would be a good move.They can advise you on how stop on accounts so he can't clear out everything and how to stop him coming back ot the house.

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

Well if he goes full revenge crazy, you’ll need a freeze on marital assets to make sure you can buy somewhere.

Are you working?

Have you got any of your own money?

Please please call the police.

Stop dithering and call the Police.

When one of the DC let's slip what happened at school, SS will be informed and then they'll look at the safety of the home and you reporting this and chucking him out will show them you are doing everything right to protect them.

Then comes custody. Get a non-mol/order of protection and apply for PR so the kids stay with you and he only gets access under medication.

Call Womans Aid and go consult a solicitor re money and your rights. Hes not allowed to clear out the bank account.

Start getting a plan of action together and fight back for your rights and your kids. If you dont act, he will and he will have the upper hand.

Medication=mediation

Im a student on maternity leave. I'm about to go back.

I don't want to say too much because I dont want it to be too outting. I have friends on here.

What I want is for us to buy the 5 bedroom house that we intend to buy.
We call all avoid him a lot easier than we can in this shitty flat.

I want him to admit he's got issues and to deal with them.
And if that doesn't work the I divorce him.

But while I do so, the kids will at least be in a nice house and not a damp nasty flat that's having an effect on all our health.

I realise that the above is unlikely to happen.

It's clear he's starting the split by taking all our money

So you’re going to stay together to buy the big house with the idea that in a big house it’ll be easier to tiptoe around him?

That doesn’t sound massively realistic or particularly safe.

Have you considered why he just helped himself to £10k? What do you think that’s all about?

realise that the above is unlikely to happen.

It's clear he's starting the split by taking all our money

I think you’re right.

So what are you going to do to protect your interests?

Absolutely call the police.

It may be the first time he has been successfully in being physical but sounds like the mental groundwork has been going on for years.

For me, this is more damaging especially for dc to witness. Please use this to get out.

Make sure you keep a record of any money he has taken and get on to the Bank /Building Soc and freeze any other shared money.

He assaulted you in front of your children, took 10k out of your shared account and you're still considering buying a house with him?

If this was your baby's partner would once in 21 years be acceptable ? If not, value yourself as much as you value your child. I am not saying leave but this can not ever happen again, nor can the being a bullying abusive dick in a weekend performance.

Did you DH stay at home on Saturday nights or go out? I was wondering if something was happening to trigger his moods on a Sunday eg drugs or seeing someone

Something is going on with him and he has 'engineered' this incident to give him grounds to do what he wants to do anyway

If you tell the bank there is a dispute between you they should be able to freeze any joint accounts (?)

So what exactly can I do?

There's 4 of us in a tiny two bedroom flat that has rising damp and a child with chest issues.

I fight him in court get half the money (maybe, fuck knows) and buy a property for me in the kids.

So we'll be in this health hazard of a flat for months and months.

We can't stay here. We were only supposed to be here a few weeks and I had no idea it had rising damp.

He’d be mad to let it get as far as court.

There's NO point freezing the joint accounts!

They are empty! He's cleared one and the other has nothing in it.

No he is in every night.

What has triggered them is him being extremely stressed and not being a morning person. It's turned him into a horrible nasty bastard.
I would even consider the fact that he may be depressed.

Either way, it's gone way way too far.

You need to get some expert advice. Have you already exchanged on the house? I don’t know at what point it might be deemed to be the marital home.

You need to ring Women’s Aid or the NDV helpline. Get them to talk you through your options.

Police.

1. he's physically assaulted you in front of the kids. This is criminal even if they hadn't been there; with them there as well it tips it into the situation where social services would get involved (and rightly so) if the kids mentioned it at school.

2. you've mentioned he's already said he slammed the door in self defence because you were hitting him. The lying fucker is already setting up his false account for divorce/child custody hearings. You need to get your side of it documented with the police. For your own protection.

3. he's cleared ten grand out of your account - this is clear evidence of financial abuse (falls under coercive control legislation) and you need that documented too.

Normally I would go softly softly on telling a woman to go to the police as often (particularly with rape and sexual assault) it can do more harm than good. But in this case, you have no choice.

Seriously - you are in for a world of pain if you don't - false counter accusations from him, financial abuse, the very high risk that he will push for custody.

Please call the police now.

Call the police, and report him for slamming your wrist in a door. he was out of control and volatile. You need to get that on record, or otherwise you could find yourself across from him in a courtroom while he earnestly explains to a judge why he is the best person to bring up the children. Your word against his would count for nothing without proof.

(Also I know some people might find it distasteful to mention this, but you can access free legal aid because of the domestic abuse, otherwise you have to pay your own fees. Actually I don't know why I said people might find it distasteful, you are literally a victim of domestic abuse. You should report it.)