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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

My husband just slammed a door on me repeatedly

387 replies

WhatTheChuffJustHappened · 19/10/2019 10:00

Trapping my wrist, bruising and cutting it.
In front of the kids no less.

H and I have been together for 21 years, he's never raised a hand to me or even come close.

We moved out of our house into a tiny gritty nasty flat while we buy a house. No one wanted to, we all hate it but a long boring back story means we have no choice.

DH is a miserable arsehole every Sunday. I don't know why but he is, he speaks to us all like shit until the afternoon when nice DH comes out.
We're all sick of it. Knowing we were going to be in a tiny flat this weekend I offered for him to stay at hotel, I would pay, we all get a break.
He said he would stay at a friends tonight.

Instead he has extended his Sunday arseholeness to Saturdays.

We had a minor dispute about some medicine while he was holding the baby.

He then flipped out and slammed the kitchen door in my face - literally. I tried coming out and he kept slamming it shut, catching my wrist and slamming it again still.

I got out and I try getting the baby off him but he's pushing me, hard. I start to panic as he's holding the baby and I hit his arm. He then puts the baby in the sofa but towers over him so I can't pick him up.

I'm panicking and shouting at him to give me the baby and get out.
I pick up the remote control and hit him on the back repeatedly until he gets away from
The baby.

I pick the baby up and tell him to get out. My voice is shaking and he mocks it.

He eventually agrees to go after a torrent of lies.
He said he slammed the kitchen door because I started hitting him. That all this was because I kicked his clothes this morning (I did neither, there were no clothes and I was putting meds back in the fridge when he slammed the door, fridge and door directly next door to each other) he shouts that it's all my fault that he is the way he is.

I say fine, it's all my fault, I tried to fix that by giving him us a break in a hotel. But now he's still like this.

He took my door key so I couldn't lock him out.
To said I would take the kids to a hotel and he chucked the key back

I've now locked him out.

Fuck sake.

OP posts:
ashtrayheart · 19/10/2019 13:01

Reasons to call the police include all those already said and also to show your children that this is something to be taken seriously - otherwise what do they learn? Dad hurt mum and it wasn't a reason to call the police.
If future partners of your children did this, what would you suggest that they did?
I know it's hard Thanks

BoomyBooms · 19/10/2019 13:05

If you don't want to go to the police (even though it would likely benefit you in future if you did, you could ask not to press charges at this point I think) you can alternatively go to your GP and tell them what happened. They will take notes and if in future you need to evidence what he did to you (for a legal case, for a restraining order, for custody of children etc) GP notes can be used. Please call the women's aid national domestic violence helpline for more help and advice, they are brilliant!

RainbowsAndGlitterAndUnicorns · 19/10/2019 13:07

There is a first time for everything so please don't forgive this.

Please call the police

ScreamingBeans · 19/10/2019 13:12

Please stop beating yourself up about your primal response to his assault while holding your baby. Don't listen to the idiots who are telling you that you can't call the police because you hit him too, the police won't be remotely interested in the fact that you hit him back in self-defence and terror that he had your baby in his arms while assaulting you.

For those saying we'd all be berating a man for hitting a woman to try and get to a baby, stop this shit. Men are bigger and stronger than women with 25% more muscle mass, denser bone mass and thicker skulls. Stop fucking pretending that a woman hitting a man is the same as a man hitting a woman and stop pretending that hitting someone in panic that they're going to hurt their baby is the same as hitting someone in order to control them. It's stupid and wilful and while of course there are some exceptions to the rule and some women are perpetrators of DV, this is clearly not the case on this thread and so it's simply not appropriate to be doing this false equivalence shit here on this thread where the OP is in immediate need of helpful advice. Please stop it, you're doing misogynist's rights activist's work for them.

Phone the police OP, don't be afraid.

Biancadelrioisback · 19/10/2019 13:19

You deserve so much better than this OP.

And to that dipshit up the thread, who gives a flying fuck if he loses his job as a result? Who gives a fuck if it tarnishes his reputation?

Don't do shit behind closed doors that could jeopardize your reputation or your job and you don't have a problem.

Tweetingmagpie · 19/10/2019 13:19

The police probably won’t help much BUT in the future the fact there is a report might well do, the only downside is that because it’s happened in front of the kids social services will be notified and will get in touch, probably just a phone call if you haven’t got any previous with them ( I know this from experience sadly!)

MNHQ
YetAnotherBeckyMumsnet · 19/10/2019 13:22

Hello everyone - we're just dropping in with a reminder that victim blaming, which serves no useful purpose - least of all to the OP, is against our Talk Guidelines so please don't do it.

Thanks everyone - and OP, we really hope you get the support you need in real life. We're sorry you've had such a horrible experience. Flowers

Original poster
WhatTheChuffJustHappened · 19/10/2019 13:23

He's just cleared 10k out of our shared account.

What a fucking cunt.

OP posts:
1moreRep · 19/10/2019 13:23

op you are probably in shock- anyone would be, it's a natural reaction.

part of this reaction will be to minimise the incident or blame yourself. This too is normal, it's a way of making it easier for our minds to understand it.

Please do not be afraid of reporting this to the police. This is not a minor offence and it will be taken seriously. You are worthy of help and support.

He has reacted very violently and hurt you. You didn't expect it to happen, who would have? you probably have so many emotions and fears right now- again this is normal and doesn't change what he has done.

the important thing is that you and your children are safe. Please confide in someone in real life if you can't bring yourself to contact the police. Women's aid are excellent.

you are worthy of love and are loveable and did not deserve this. This was a violent attack and no one deserves this treatment.

TottieandMarchpane · 19/10/2019 13:24

What about other accounts?

How is the proceeds from your house held?

Biancadelrioisback · 19/10/2019 13:26

Police. Now. At the very least you need an official record of this for the divorce and when it comes to custody.

Interestedwoman · 19/10/2019 13:28

@WhatTheChuffHasHappened -OMG about the money! Definitely report him now, as you don't know what he's going to do next financially or legally etc, so you need evidence on file.

Vanhi · 19/10/2019 13:30

Sorry you are going through this OP. FWIW some years ago when I was assaulted I lashed out and fought back against the person assaulting me. He actually ended up worse off than me but I reported it as assault and the police in no way blamed me for lashing out. They just saw it as self defence.

Original poster
WhatTheChuffJustHappened · 19/10/2019 13:30

The proceeds are with the solicitor, supposedly to go directly to the vendors when we buy that house.

OP posts:
TottieandMarchpane · 19/10/2019 13:30

OP, you need to think quickly about;

  1. What money he will try to grab, and,

  2. Whether he will make an allegation of assault against you.

Making a police report would be very sensible self-protection for you and the children. You can do it via the non-emergency number.

Original poster
WhatTheChuffJustHappened · 19/10/2019 13:30

The house we just sold was in his name.

OP posts:
Fluffycloudland77 · 19/10/2019 13:30

Domestic abuse victims get legal aid, sounds like you might need it.

TottieandMarchpane · 19/10/2019 13:31

Well that’s something.

But I wonder what he’s planning.

Gazelda · 19/10/2019 13:31

Please talk to a friend of family member OP. Someone you trust and has good judgment. You need someone on your side right now.

TottieandMarchpane · 19/10/2019 13:32

X post. His name? Not so great. You might need a lawyer on Monday.

Reporting what happened might be the key to several things re separation, divorce, finances, legal aid, child arrangements...

timeisnotaline · 19/10/2019 13:33

Oh op please call the police. This is absolutely a police matter.

DiaryofWimpyMumm · 19/10/2019 13:33

He's obviously planning something if he's took that from the account can you put a freeze on other accounts?

TottieandMarchpane · 19/10/2019 13:34

Don’t let him catch you off guard with some horrible campaign of spite. You have to house the children.

Yellowcar2 · 19/10/2019 13:37

Definitely call the police. Are you able to transfer any shared money in to an account in your name just to make sure he doesn't leave you andcthe children with nothing.

Original poster
WhatTheChuffJustHappened · 19/10/2019 13:39

I need to get the kids out of this grotty Flat.

This is my biggest concern. And him not being here.

OP posts:
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