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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

My husband just slammed a door on me repeatedly

387 replies

WhatTheChuffJustHappened · 19/10/2019 10:00

Trapping my wrist, bruising and cutting it.
In front of the kids no less.

H and I have been together for 21 years, he's never raised a hand to me or even come close.

We moved out of our house into a tiny gritty nasty flat while we buy a house. No one wanted to, we all hate it but a long boring back story means we have no choice.

DH is a miserable arsehole every Sunday. I don't know why but he is, he speaks to us all like shit until the afternoon when nice DH comes out.
We're all sick of it. Knowing we were going to be in a tiny flat this weekend I offered for him to stay at hotel, I would pay, we all get a break.
He said he would stay at a friends tonight.

Instead he has extended his Sunday arseholeness to Saturdays.

We had a minor dispute about some medicine while he was holding the baby.

He then flipped out and slammed the kitchen door in my face - literally. I tried coming out and he kept slamming it shut, catching my wrist and slamming it again still.

I got out and I try getting the baby off him but he's pushing me, hard. I start to panic as he's holding the baby and I hit his arm. He then puts the baby in the sofa but towers over him so I can't pick him up.

I'm panicking and shouting at him to give me the baby and get out.
I pick up the remote control and hit him on the back repeatedly until he gets away from
The baby.

I pick the baby up and tell him to get out. My voice is shaking and he mocks it.

He eventually agrees to go after a torrent of lies.
He said he slammed the kitchen door because I started hitting him. That all this was because I kicked his clothes this morning (I did neither, there were no clothes and I was putting meds back in the fridge when he slammed the door, fridge and door directly next door to each other) he shouts that it's all my fault that he is the way he is.

I say fine, it's all my fault, I tried to fix that by giving him us a break in a hotel. But now he's still like this.

He took my door key so I couldn't lock him out.
To said I would take the kids to a hotel and he chucked the key back

I've now locked him out.

Fuck sake.

OP posts:
MrGsFancyNewVagina · 19/10/2019 12:22

*any way

LovePoppy · 19/10/2019 12:22

It is more likely to escalate than not.

Please report it to the police.

Going through a stressful experience is not an excuse.

SignedUpJust4This · 19/10/2019 12:23

Horrific for you OP but also for your kids to watch. Vow to yourself they will never see you fight with that man again and cut him out if your life. You need to call the police and have your injuries documented just in case this comes up again in future divorce proceedings

madcatladyforever · 19/10/2019 12:24

myusernamewastakenbyme - I had this is my first marriage over 20 years ago...I called the police and then had Social Services on my back for ages...my parents died young and close together so they saw us as a family in need...I found their 'help' intrusive and stressful and vowed never to put myself on their radar again....I left my first husband and made a new life for my kids...Op can do this also without having Social Services involved.

Another or the same troll as before.

Not true, social services was fully involved in my divorce and they were fantastic. They persuaded the court not to give my exH any contact as he was violent.

At no point did they threaten to take my son away from me and they helped me at every step.

You cannot do it on your own as he will get 50% custody of the kids, he will be round every 5 minutes threatening you. You will have to keep in touch with him if he has 50% custody for the next 18 years, you will never be free of him.

CodenameVillanelle · 19/10/2019 12:24

Those berating the OP for hitting him are completely failing to grasp that she had been violently assaulted and was in fear for her baby. When cornered and panicked like that people do not behave rationally. If someone was violently assaulting you whilst holding your baby you would try to get the baby and get the abuser away from all of you by any means, especially when adrenaline and cortisol were high after being assaulted. Primal brain takes over and logic flies out of the window.

CodenameVillanelle · 19/10/2019 12:25

OP it's already escalating. He WILL be violent again.

barnun · 19/10/2019 12:27

Eleanor clearly thinks that the most important thing is always the man's reputation, it doesn't matter what he does we must always think about the consequences for him and how it will affect his reputation and his ability to earn money and get on in life.

Women have pasts, men have futures dontcha know Hmm

Sotiredbutcannotsleep · 19/10/2019 12:29

My dad did this to my mum when were younger. Yes pp are right, it will escalate if he can get away with this and it will affect the kids.

Aridane · 19/10/2019 12:29

This is an assault and it should be reported and logged just the same as it would be if a random member of the public assaulted you

So easy to overlook this when it’s ‘in the family’

BarbedBloom · 19/10/2019 12:30

You need to phone the police, firstly because if it is a joint tenancy you cannot kick him out without an occupation order. Second if your children tell anyone then it will be reported and social services may decide you are in denial about what happened. But also, if he asks for custody and you have none of this on file, he will be alone with them and you won't be able to do anything about this.

I am glad it sounds like you are done though. As someone who grew up in an abusive home, I cannot tell you how damaging it is.

Whatever you decide about the police, get your wrist checked as I have broken small bones and thought it was bruised

everytimerickysayscuntIlaugh · 19/10/2019 12:33

You have nothing to feel bad about. You defended yourself. Please call the police.

The victim blaming on this thread is fucked.

EleanorReally · 19/10/2019 12:35

i didnt blame the victim if that is a dig at me

PancakeAndKeith · 19/10/2019 12:36

think about the police, will this means he will lose his job? be unable to work?

So?

TheSerenDipitY · 19/10/2019 12:36

This reply has been deleted

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MotherOfDragonite · 19/10/2019 12:37

You need help from police and SS to protect your children from this man. I'm honestly most shocked by the fact that he did this awful thing to you in front of your young children. While holding your baby! You already know you need to leave him, but you will need evidence of what he is capable of to make sure you can protect your children from him in terms of contact.

HeyNotInMyName · 19/10/2019 12:39

Police and GP/A&E to document the bruises. It’s not an issue with putting a complain in but a way to protect yourself AND YOUR DCS if he gets violent again. Regardless of whether you are chucking him out of the house or not.

As for you hitting him, you were trying to protect yourself and your baby. I would say it’s a pretty normal thing to do.

hotdogwoof · 19/10/2019 12:40

Change the locks to keep him out and phone the police so they have a record of him.

LionelRitchieStoleMyNotebook · 19/10/2019 12:42

OP only you can cost what to do, if you're not ready to go to the police please seek real life support from women's aid. This may be the first physical assault but it sounds like he's been controlling and emotionally abusive in other ways. Living with the dominator is a great book and you might recognise a lot of his other behaviours there. It sounds like he's used his emotions and behaviour to control the family. Maybe once you recognise this as part of a long term pattern you'll feel differently about him. If he comes back and you or the children are frightened please call the police. I've worked with children in these circumstances and it affects then more than you could imagine.

bd67th · 19/10/2019 12:45

If you don't feel able to call the police now, at least go to Urgent Care, get your wrist checked, and tell them that your partner slammed your wrist in the door to cause the injury. Get it on your medical records so at least there is an independent record of this first time if when he does it again.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 19/10/2019 12:45

hotdogwoof
If he is on the tenancy you cannot change the locks to keep him out.

Mummaofmytribe · 19/10/2019 12:45

Please call the police. He's flipped his shit and there's no knowing what he'll do now he's crossed this line. Please do it to protect your children.

HuggedTree · 19/10/2019 12:47

Police and any woman’s aid support.

Social services get involved when you don’t ask for help to protect your children. Getting the police involved shows them you are proactive in protecting your children and will leave you be after an initial assessment.

Lovely, your relationship is abusive in the way he acts every Sunday. That isn’t normal and your kids are witnessing this and it will be affecting them. You paying for him to leave on a Sunday is a really huge sign you need to leave him. That’s just not a loving relationship and you are harming your children.

Peachez · 19/10/2019 12:51

He's locked out, for now. What about when he comes back?

Phone the police. Get a crime number. Get your injuries documented. Contact womens aid/refuge and get some proper advice.

I've been where you are. The day the ex kicked me was the day the relationship was over. I saw no reason at all to teach my children that violence is acceptable. Please do the same.

Karwomannghia · 19/10/2019 12:51

If you feel worried about phoning the police, my friend in the middle of a separation, her ex grabbed her by the neck. She reported it to the police without his knowledge and they’re keeping it on record but in an unofficial way he knows nothing about. Tell them what happened but don’t take it further at the very least.

Kaykay06 · 19/10/2019 13:01

He sounds like a bloody horror and why would you put up with that and not phone the police, he’s assaulted you in front of your your children whilst holding your baby, your poor baby saw his father slamming his mother in a door!!.

My dad used to hurt my mum but he also emotionally and mentally abused her and probably us too, then he got physical he had some sort of rage, then once he got bored with mum he hit me, kicked etc my mum didn’t go to the police either. My sister and I felt that no one cared enough to protect us, so what if social services get involved - someone has to look out for your kids, if you won’t, watching dad abuse and hurt their mum will remain with them forever even if he never does it again, not reporting it tells them that’s ok and it’s not. I know it’s scary and horrible and he might not have ever done it before but the nasty behaviour on Sunday’s is not normal.

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