Should I leave over this? Or is this normal?

[koffeetoast]

Advice needed please.

I have been with my boyfriend for about 9 months now, i have a DS who is 1 and he has no kids. We both live in the same city. A few months back he was preparing for qualification, which meant he was studying a lot after work and on the weekends. We were (and still do) able to speak every day, but he made it very clear that on the weekends he would be studying. This meant that we didnt actually get to see each other often. We were seeing each other once every two weeks or so, sometimes 3 weeks.

He has since completed the qulaification, but we still arent seeing each other as often as I would like. I raised this with him and he interpetted my words to me saying that he doesnt tell me that he misses me - this was not my point at all. It got a bit heated and i decided to drop it, but ended my saying that my point was I wanted to see him more often.

This was 2 weeks ago, again this week, we speak everyday as usual but no talk about plans for us on the weekend. I am studying and have a DS, but I am happy to see him for a coffee once a week, I'm not asking to be taking on elaborate dates every week.

Do I have a point? Or is this laid back approach to seeing your partner normal?

When I've thought about it deeply, I've taken it to mean that as much as he likes me, I don't think he likes me ennough or else he would want to spend time with me on a regularly basis. In previous relationships I would see my BF every week or even more, and after 3/4 months together it felt like our schedules were interwined and it was part of our routine to see each other.

I hope this all makes sense, I would appreciate any advice. I'm at the point in life, where I don't want to settle and I would be willing to leave over this as quality time means a lot to me.

@time4change123

So! We spoke for 2 hours last night (beause you know he doesnt have the time to actually see me and he didnt agree with anything I said. I kepy saying that if I'm demanding too much then there will be someone out there who will appreciate the "demands" I am making. He said that I cannot see how hard he is trying and i am not appreciative of that fact that he is so busy and when he gets a moment to himself he just wants to relax. He says that at least regardless of him being tired he will still call me every night.

He claims that I am the one he wants to marry in a 2/3 years, and i said that after 9 months we should have progressed by now into being in each others life as a routine. i've never asked you to step up and get to know my DS, if you dont do that now, when do you expect to do that, when we are married? ermmmm no.

I told him multiple times that I deserve better than this and he isnt treating me the way i want to be treated and that we should go our separate ways if my demands are too much. He said that I am blowing things out of proportion and he wishes I could see his point of view. We were jsut going back and forth, and he doesnt seem to get that this is not a relationship.

I should be the person he wants to come home to after a stressful day of work, or the person he wants to take to dinner if he is meeting up with friends. He sees the things he does as very separate, and says it's still early days and that's why we dont do things like that yet. I told him that I am in my 30s with a child, I want to be settling down and workign together to actively build a future. He says he wants that too but i must understand that he is super stressed and busy at this moment in time and he just cannot commit to once a week and he sees that as though I am giving him an order and he really doesn like it.

Apparently it's in his nature to want to spend time on his own, to which i said that is totally fine but that;s not what i am lookign for, he just didnt seem to get it!!!!!

Well you've told him what you need so now you can tell him that it's obviously not working at this very busy time. And it's over.
Don't wait for it to fizzle out or for him to make a move. You're entitled to say you don't want this anymore. And move on.

He's just not that into you.
Ever see the movie/ read the book? If not do.
It's just like that.
My OH and I started out with seeing each other every day and just never stopped right from the start 13 years later still going strong. Lol.
That's not for everyone but it was what we wanted. We were into each other so both made the effort. At the time there were no kids so I know that's different but still you'll know if a man is into you. Xx

koffeetoast if I was in your place, my next text to him would be " I've been thinking about what you've said about being super stressed and busy . I'm clearly pushing you too hard so will say goodbye now and let you enjoy your life without this perceived pressure. Have a good life."

@SurfingGiantess

Yep seen the movie, and I told him that he clearly isnt in to me as he says he is. He says he is in to me but would like some understanding and doesn't understand why I dont see that this is amoment of his life where he is stressed and will be needing time to himself. He said he can't give me every single weekend, I asked what about after work, he said he gets in too late.

@Blobby10 I think he he calls again, I'm going to clearly state that I do not want to move forward anymore as it's obvious that we cannot agree. I want to meet someone who doesnt find me demanding and he will need to find someone who doesn't mind seeing him every 2/3 weeks (on the weekend if he is available) and enjoys talking on the phone every night.

koffeetoast you really don't need to justify yourself to him! Just employ the (I think wonderful!) mumsnet phrase: "This doesn't work for me anymore" No need to explain why (again!) you've done that enough times. Good luck - its really hard if you're a naturally compassionate and caring person to get rid of the feeling that you need to be kind to other people, particularly those who haven't treated you with any kindness or compassion. I've learned quite late in life that these people respond best to short n sweet phrases such as Goodbye