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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

4 and half years later.....

105 replies

litterbird · 17/10/2019 20:07

Quick back story....4 and half years ago, happy as Larry. My partner (who I had known for decades and we had been in a relationship for 5 years) were eagerly looking at houses, just booked a holiday together...looking forward to the future. He turned 50 and slightly changed, new sports car, different hairstyle, new gym etc etc. Anyway...out of the blue walked in one day, said he didn't want to be with me and left. As quickly as that he was gone. I managed to ask him as he left if he met someone else...he smirked and said "that would be too easy wouldn't it"...I shall never ever forget his smirk and words that day. 5 days later I discovered pictures and declarations of love on social media of a younger woman he had met at the new gym. I went into shock for over a year, I can't remember much of that year, then my dad died on top of that. I haven't seen him or heard his voice since that day he walked away. I didn't chase, I sat there in shock, unable to breathe for what felt like an eternity. I had to go to therapy as my self esteem went south. My world had wobbled off its axis. I felt unsafe, frightened of the future, unable to cope at times. Although I have recovered somewhat, I haven't recovered fully. I have not been able to find another full time relationship but found happiness in dating a handful of lovely gentlemen who take me out and have decided this is it for me and have peace with this. My ex had tried to contact me throughout the years but was always still with the person he left and I wanted nothing to do with him and was quite curt with him to stay away. Today I am stable and happy.....then half an hour ago I get a message from him....he has left the woman he left me for .......and wants to meet up to talk. SERIOUSLY!!!!!!!!!! I am absolutely gobsmacked that he has sent this and I actually laughed out loud reading it. What astounds me with men, and I am sure women do this who get left by the OM, is the cheek of it. On what planet does he think I am on that I am going to hop, skip and jump to him to have a coffee to sooth his broken heart. It really beggars belief sometimes. Yes, he damaged me immensely, but I have healed a lot, learned a lot and would never, ever give him even 30 seconds of my valuable time. What is it with men who can't be alone for 5 minutes and want to run as fast as possible to the most available woman to mop their brows. Sorry, big rant over. I am going back to my Gin and Tonic.

OP posts:
MarianaMoatedGrange · 17/10/2019 20:13

A lot of people have said here that generally men never leave until they have another woman lined up. Seems you were next in line for his attentions.

Obviously thought you'd be faint with longing for him still. Twat! Grin

nomoreclue · 17/10/2019 20:13

Oh wow...he really thinks you’ve been sitting around for almost 5 years with nothing better to do than cry about him! What an arrogant tosser. I’m betting the other woman dumped him and he’s lying. He’s now panicking and thinking he needs a back up choice. If it was me I’d reply “you are joking I hope! Nice offer but I don’t think my boyfriend would appreciate that! Plus you’re a tosser who walked out and I’ve moved on. Should have appreciated what you had when you had it. See ya, wouldn’t want to be ya! Hahahaha #lovingit
Do it. Screw the wanker.

MarianaMoatedGrange · 17/10/2019 20:17

I like your work, nomoreclue Grin

Joe2019 · 17/10/2019 20:18

Why even bother replying?

RandomWok · 17/10/2019 20:18

Did you reply "lol"....? Grin

Pinkbonbon · 17/10/2019 20:20

Google 'the narcissistic smirk' and 'narcissist hoovering'. See if it rings any bells.

I don't think it's a guy thing,I think its an asshole thing.

RitmoRatmo · 17/10/2019 20:21

Cheeky fucking chancer!

I imagine the OW will have dumped him and this is what’s caused him to suddenly get insight into how shit it feels to be dumped cruelly, and now he’s reflecting on what a complete twat he was to you, and wanting to somehow join together in solidarity, the delusional fucker.

Pity he couldn’t have had more empathy & human decency to recognise how awful you must’ve been feeling before he got to find out the hard way himself.

pictish · 17/10/2019 20:22

Just reply, “Don’t be silly.”, and leave it at that.

Blanca87 · 17/10/2019 20:23

There was a thread on here a couple of days ago about karma. Here my friend is karma. Enjoy your gin. 😘

Transpeaked · 17/10/2019 20:23

Disclaimer: I have only read the OP.

I’d do one of two things, the latter being the more likely

  1. Deafening silence and block

  2. Reply: Fuck off to the far end of Fuck, and when you get there, fuck off some more. And block.

morrisseysquif · 17/10/2019 20:25

Just ignore him, that'll really piss him off.

quincejamplease · 17/10/2019 20:26

You know what, I think it's great that you've posted here because you're angry and incredulous rather than because you want us to validate a desire to run back to him.

OhamIreally · 17/10/2019 20:27

Yes like the old lady in mama Mia 2 says: there's such a thing as karma and it's pronounced "ha!"

DtPeabodysLoosePants · 17/10/2019 20:27

Oh god I thought you were going to ask if you should agree to meet him! God for you that you're not, you sound really strong despite him trying to break you. I would block and delete without replying. Silence is power and it says he no longer has any power over you whatsoever. It's the biggest and loudest fuck you that you can give. Enjoy your gin-cheers! Wine

MarianaMoatedGrange · 17/10/2019 20:28

It's a refreshing change quince!

quincejamplease · 17/10/2019 20:28

I think either silence or simply "lol" would be the most likely to piss him off the most. Anything more is wasting wayyyyy too much time on him.

RainingFrogsAndHats · 17/10/2019 20:29

Go you!!! And well done for how far you've moved on!

MarianaMoatedGrange · 17/10/2019 20:29

Or you could play along and be really dramatic!

CarWreck · 17/10/2019 20:31

Don't reply - your silence will drive him mad

quincejamplease · 17/10/2019 20:32

It's a refreshing change quince!

I very nearly cheered.

Glitterbiscuits · 17/10/2019 20:39

Please, please ignore him! Sounds like it will drive him crazy. Which is good!

BlankTimes · 17/10/2019 20:43

You could reply

I appear to have received a text from you that's been delayed in the ether since 1st April.

nomoreclue · 17/10/2019 20:49

Hahaha or you could say “sure I’ll meet you. When?” Let him organise it and then stand him up lol

MarianaMoatedGrange · 17/10/2019 20:52

Or view from a distance!

This thread is bringing out the naughty in me.

HUZZAH212 · 17/10/2019 20:54

Don't agree to meet and stand him up. You wouldn't want to run the risk of him changing his mind and you looking like you were desperate to reunite.

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