He kissed and slept with someone else ...

[hattybattyscatty]

But we aren't official so apparently it's ok?
I was introduced to a guy through our mutual friend.
We have been dating /having sex and I assumed he had feelings for me.
We speak daily and get on like a house on fire.
Saturday night we went to said friends house and I walked in on him kissing a girl???
I was upset and the next day he said
"Well we are both single and can do what we want"
I said yes but I haven't been getting with anyone else because I like you..
He said "well we aren't official you know"
I asked him if he had sex with anyone else since me and him and he said he had.
Now I know we aren't official and a couple but I just think it screams no respect.
Do I keep going at this and see if we become official or what ?

@Banaleaf yes it’s the same one. Two of her other usernames have included the name Harriet and it’s the same writing style and grammatical errors/typos.

I’m not even sure this situation is happening anywhere other than her head.

Dmthanks @MashedSpud

Sorry meant Thanks lol

What? Is this a bollocks thread then??

Even so, I came on to agree with others that I feel like I have stepped 100 years into the future and don’t recognise modern relationships at all. What is this “official” and “exclusive” thing that people are talking of?

In the 90s when I was early 20s you might have “got off with” someone at a club or party. If they were interested in you they’d ask for your number. You would give it if you were also interested (or a digit out if not interested and a chicken ), then arrange to go for a drink somewhere.

If that went ok, you might have a snog and arrange to meet again. By date 4 or 5 so you’d probably have a decent idea about whether it was going anywhere and then have a jokey conversation about whether you could consider each other boyfriend and girlfriend yet. It would be pretty clear how each felt by their answer. Once you’re both referring to each other and introducing each other to friends as “my boyfrien/girlfriend” that’s the point where you would consider that they would not be dabbling with anyone else. If they DID, you’d fuck ‘em off quick. It was NOT ON.

Does no-one have a straightforward boyfriend or girlfriend anymore? You have to have a conversation (probably over text, right, not in person? ) about whether you’re “in a relationship” and “exclusive”?

Things sound WAYYY different to how they used to be and im only mid 40s!!

It all sounds very “Love Island”

I am honestly agog at the «he’s done nothing wrong» posters. He took her to a party and then fucked someone else while she was there! In what universe is that not wrong??? Ffs!

He's a total nightmare. I wouldn't let him touch me with a barge pole.

This is just the tip of the iceberg with him. He doesn't know the meaning of respect. He's knowingly trampled your feelings, and spoke awfully about the girl he had sex with (doesn't know what her FACE looked like?!).

I wouldn't ever contact him again. You really don't need this. It will get so much worse. Nip off. Quick.

Bin him off. We've all had feelings at some point for knobs like him. The important thing is we squash those feelings way way down, set them on fire and stamp the fuckers out. Then we move on and meet someone who isn't a wanker.

I don't think this is non alcoholic beer guy is it? He seemed to be working pretty hard to assure her that he was where he said he was. I'd be surprised if he then snogged someone in front of her, unless he's trying to dump her.

This needs no more thought. If he was that into you he would want to see you and you alone. Don’t lower yourself and accept this scrap from him. It hurts but move on.

I don't think I'm going to continue to see him in any capacity.
Like I said technically he hasn't done anything wrong but if he liked me enough..he wouldn't be doing what he's doing.
Also I haven't actually posted before to those who have said it all sounds familiar
It wasn't me

Why didn’t you discuss the rules of the relationship? Far as I can see he has done nothing wrong.

Sleeping with someone else when you're not actually together is what it is. Not ideal for you and clearly an indicator you're not on the same page, but in reality not breaching any trust.

Kissing someone else at a party he went to with you is just incredibly bloody rude and that would tell me enough about him to end it immediately. It's completely disrespectful and hurtful, regardless of whether you're officially together or not. It's one thing to be dating other people, quite another to be doing it so blatantly under the nose of your date for the night.

Bin him off, you'll be much happier for it. Sorry Op

I think snogging someone at a party he'd gone to with OP is bloody rude even if 'technically' he hasn't done anything wrong. Twat.

Good decision!

Yeah technically I guess he didn’t do anything wrong by today’s dating ‘rules’, BUT if he liked you enough, he’d have cared that he’s hurt you and cared enough to talk to you about your ‘feelings’ for him & where he was at, so you both knew where you stood. Modern dating ‘rules’ don’t precluded being a decent human being!!

If you have a wobble - remember this that you posted earlier...

I think it's when you realise you mean nothing to someone

You’ll meet someone who you fall in love with & who falls in love with you and all the ‘rules’ will be irrelevant because you’ll only have eyes for each other. Corny maybe, true definitely.

He didn't even discuss the fact I had feelings for him,all he said was "this is why you don't get feelings"
"Feelings complicate things"

So what's happening now? Let me guess, your messaging him loads. We've all been there & done that. As you get older you become wiser. You sound young, how old are you?

You’ll meet someone who you fall in love with & who falls in love with you and all the ‘rules’ will be irrelevant because you’ll only have eyes for each other. Corny maybe, true definitely.

Agreed :)

He thinks he's a Player.
Congratulations on finding out sooner rather than later.
You did nothing wrong, nothing to deserve this. Bin.

Actually, thinking about this again, I think if I had walked in on him kissing another girl then I would have just walked straight out again, and no more contact whatsoever. His actions stated loud and clear exactly what you mean to him, and that is precisely zero, so why hang around? I don’t get it!

Stop with all this talk of the “rules”, people! There aren’t any, you just need to watch and listen, no silly games, and have respect for yourself and others. That’s all the “rules” you need. Don’t fall for the Love Island shite.

He’s a prick, and you deserve better! Don’t contact him again or answer his calls. Someone much better will gone along.

There’s always been rules for as long as I’ve been dating and I’m in my 30s

'He didn't even discuss the fact I had feelings for him,all he said was "this is why you don't get feelings" "Feelings complicate things"

So, he was treating you as a 'Friend with Benefits' effectively, but without telling you what he was doing.

He was using you for sex :( :( :(

Sorry OP, but if he has been sleeping around while sleeping with you, you need to get yourself off to the clinic and get yourself tested PDQ.

Good to know that you have canned him, you deserve better than this. Just ignore him in your group of friends and get on with your life, waiting for him to text or call is pointless.