He kissed and slept with someone else ...

[hattybattyscatty]

But we aren't official so apparently it's ok?
I was introduced to a guy through our mutual friend.
We have been dating /having sex and I assumed he had feelings for me.
We speak daily and get on like a house on fire.
Saturday night we went to said friends house and I walked in on him kissing a girl???
I was upset and the next day he said
"Well we are both single and can do what we want"
I said yes but I haven't been getting with anyone else because I like you..
He said "well we aren't official you know"
I asked him if he had sex with anyone else since me and him and he said he had.
Now I know we aren't official and a couple but I just think it screams no respect.
Do I keep going at this and see if we become official or what ?

Been through similar.

I was seeing a guy, we spoke one way or another every day for a good four or five months, and the last month or so, it had became romantic so we kissed n hung out a few times per week too. I was falling for him but we hadnt made it official so I didn't risk sex (learned from a prior mistake there).

Then at my cousins party (he was friends with my cuz) i walked in in him stroking some other girls leg. He was all over her the whole night and i was so hurt. I confronted him (took him asside, didnt make a scene) and he acted mad at me!

I fully expected at least a 'sorry I was wasted' bulshit text the next day. But nothing came. I just thought 'how could he be so cold?'. Eventually I bit the bullet n invited him for coffee. And actually found myself explaining to him why I was upset (!?!?) To which he just said 'OK'. And it all fell into place - he was a fake, cold hearted bastard.

Its all very well saying you weren't an item so he can do as he pleases. And yes that is true, but if he had any common decency he wouldn't have done it right in front of your face like that. Some people are just cruel.

I look back on that guy now and realise he didn't speak to me for hours each day ect... because he liked me. He did it because he needed me to like him. He was just a common variety narcissist.

Either way, the dude was a dick. And you deserve better. Don't let him back into your life. I know it sucks n you will feel really sad for a while. But at least you know now n not years from now when he was still stringing you along.

Hope you feel better soon!

Not official so dont waste your time calling him to dump him.

What a shit.

What a tosser, he did that knowing you were there, really disrespectful

I know "technically" he's done nothing wrong as we aren't together but I'm a bit old fashioned in thinking that I meant something to him.
I asked him if he had feelings for the girl he slept with and he said "I don't know what she looks like"
So not only did he have sex but it wasn't even with feelings.
It was just sex ...I would have happily had sex with him

He’s done nothing wrong in my opinion. Did he know you’d happily have sex with him?

Keep going and see if you become official ?

Are you very young? Sorry if that upsets you but how about you take control. Are you fine with him screwing other people? If not, end it (right choice) and you are, stop moaning.

He doesn't know what the woman he had sex with looks like? Oh bin this twat. He's not nice.

I asked him if he had feelings for the girl he slept with and he said "I don't know what she looks like"

At least he was honest! They always say that when someone shows you who they are, you should believe them...he is literally telling you who he is, OP.

(And please don't sleep with him)

I assumed he had feelings for me.

Major mistake.

Have you never heard of the horrible saying 'Any hole is a goal'?

I have too many male friends.

*He’s done nothing wrong IMO.

However you’re not unreasonable to be unhappy with the situation.

You sound like you’re not on the same page in terms of what you’re looking for so best to end it now.*

Exactly this.

I deffo want a relationship and it seems he want to shag around so unless he has a change of heart overnight I doubt it's going to amount to much.
I have feelings for him which is a bit shitty
I don't even know what more he wants.

If he texts your or tries to communicate with you I'd ignore him for a while. That'll get him wondering and if he really likes you or has feelings for you he won't give up.

However, if he's just using you for sex he will probably give up immediately and move onto the next girl to have sex with.

Technically no he hasn’t done anything wrong however it doesn’t bode well for a future relationship does it? He sounds like a man child

Well, I think it’s perfectly fine to date lots of people (and have sex with them too) as long as everyone knows it’s casual. Yes, you may have had feelings for him, but you weren’t in a relationship. That’s just how it works. Now I haven’t been single in well over a decade but that was certainly the norm when I was dating. That’s as long as it’s honest: if he’s lying and saying you’re in an exclusive relationship or forbidding you from seeing other people yet it’s fine for him, that’s different (it doesn’t sound like that was the case). People date casually and have friends with benefits and that can work well for people if it’s all above board.

But realistically it sounds like you want different things, so it doesn’t sound like something worth pursuing. Better to find out now than 6 months down the line, I suppose.

If he liked you he would NOT be kissing other women. When they like you they don't stop talking about you.

Sounds like the two of you want different things.

Do you want to continue seeing him knowing that he will do this again?

Personally, I think someone can do what they want unless they have explicitly promised to be monogamous.

But the kissing someone else while you were in the house is poor behaviour. I judge that more than him having sex with someone.

He is single. He can have sex with whoever he wants. Sex isnt about emotion all the time for everyone. Plenty of people have sex with people without having feelings. Him not having the feelings for that woman isnt a big deal. But kissing someone when you are there is really poor behaviour.

He’s done nothing wrong IMO.

Dont you think it's bad manners to go to a party with one person and then cop off with someone else while you're there?

Blimey, how low is some people's bar set! 😳

Hurtful. If you dont end it now he'll think of you as low value. Men are a bit shit/basic and categorise women like this.

He absolutely has done something wrong. You were both at a house party and he kissed someone else and thought that was ok because you weren't official ????

Does he not understand basic morals or social norms or decency? Imagine being in a relationship with him, all the little things he'd do that he apparently wouldn't realise were inappropriate!!

Feelings after seven weeks is a bit heavy to be fair, especially when you're not exclusive, and he isn't having the same feelings.

I think move on op, you're going to get hurt even more if you stay in.

Lucky escape for you! BLOCK!!

Id move on personally. He sounds like a bit of a shit to be honest to do that knowing you were there.

Run away, and on the way run past the STI clinic for a check. If he treats you this way now when things are supposed to be new and exciting then it doesn’t look good for the long run.

You shouldn’t need to ask. Of course you move on. You want different things ie you want an actual relationship and just wants to shag around with no commitment.

When I say feelings I mean I liked him and hoped we would end up dating exclusively.
I don't love him or anything but I do like the guy and thought we were on the same page.
I don't know whether to say we either try just dating each other or cut contact.