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Original poster

He kissed and slept with someone else ...

139 replies

hattybattyscatty · 17/10/2019 16:28

But we aren't official so apparently it's ok?
I was introduced to a guy through our mutual friend.
We have been dating /having sex and I assumed he had feelings for me.
We speak daily and get on like a house on fire.
Saturday night we went to said friends house and I walked in on him kissing a girl???
I was upset and the next day he said
"Well we are both single and can do what we want"
I said yes but I haven't been getting with anyone else because I like you..
He said "well we aren't official you know"
I asked him if he had sex with anyone else since me and him and he said he had.
Now I know we aren't official and a couple but I just think it screams no respect.
Do I keep going at this and see if we become official or what ?

OP posts:
CuriousaboutSamphire · 17/10/2019 20:18

Stop! have a rethink. He's a happy shagger, no intentions of settling down.

You want a relationship.

Neither of you are in the wrong, you just don't meet each others expectations!

Yeah, he's a twat, but he made no promises so you won't get any sensble explanation out of him, so don't bother asking. Chalk it up to experience and move on!

Dazedandconfusedmostdays · 17/10/2019 20:18

OP, when they’re into you, you know it! They tell you and show you. You need to walk away from him, you can do better than him.

WWYD737 · 17/10/2019 20:19

Off he fucks OP.

You’re worth more than this tossed.

TooTrueToBeGood · 17/10/2019 20:20

I'm with RitmoRatmo but maybe I'm an out of touch old duffer. When exactly did this concept of formally going official or explicitly being exclusive come into force and how? was there a referendum that I missed? When I was young enough to be dating (and I'm pretty sure it was the same for every previous generation) if you were dating someone, even if it was just the first date, there was an implied assumption that you weren't seeing anyone else. Anyone breaching this protocol was classed as a "two-timer" and treated with contempt.

RitmoRatmo · 17/10/2019 20:25

@TooTrue Yes! Completely this! Were we the last generation to date in this way tho? Seems millennials take an approach that I always used to see in American TV series and be a bit Hmm about. It seems dating has become Americanised like everything else.
Eeh, when I were a lass, it were all fields round these parts Grin

nomoreclue · 17/10/2019 20:26

Wow. The decent thing would be to let you know he’s putting it around so you could make sure you’re safe. That’s selfish and disrespectful. I’d dump for that alone. Have boundaries. You deserve somebody who is so into you he’s not interested in anyone else. If he’s not that bothered now during the “honeymoon phase” then he won’t be bothered when life gets tough will he! Not a good bet

SignedUpJust4This · 17/10/2019 21:29

I havent rtft but its only ok if you say its ok. Dont lower your standards for anyone

Original poster
hattybattyscatty · 17/10/2019 21:39

That's what I want,he should want me enough not to want to sleep about.
I deserve better than that,everyone does.
I've noticed with him,when I'm out with my friends he will be quite chatty,as if to say I'm still here,to try and put me off meeting others.

OP posts:
PumpkinP · 17/10/2019 21:41

Yeh you definitely need to have a talk about whether your official or not, too many men out there will happily sleep with you but don’t want commitment and will just tell you wht you want to hear whilst sleeping with and seeing others as “you’re not together” can’t believe people don’t know this?! My friend had this for 2 years with a man who was sleeping with her, seeing her all the time spending Christmas with her but then whenever it suited him he would say “but we’re not together”

Original poster
hattybattyscatty · 17/10/2019 23:23

Yeah we deffo aren't official
Far as he is concerned he is single

OP posts:
Kisskiss · 17/10/2019 23:31

Um the obvious thing to do is NOT CONTACT HIM. If he wants to and actually cares enough about you to think about it, he’ll get why you were upset and get in touch to try and make amends. If he doesn’t then obviously what you feel for him isn’t reciprocated and you should try and move on

PumpkinP · 17/10/2019 23:36

Yeah we deffo aren't official
Far as he is concerned he is single

This is why it annoys me when people make fun of “making things official” because the thing is a lot of men just want the gf experience without the gf so sure they will talk to you daily, be affectionate, take you out and act like a boyfriend but in their head they are still single and if they want to shag someone else they will. This has always been a thing as far as I’ve ever been dating, that unless you have had the talk then you aren’t in a relationship. Sleeping with someone doesnt equals a relationship (he might have thought you were FWB)

SonataDentata · 17/10/2019 23:37

Who cares if you’re technically officially or not - that’s a shitty thing to do to another human being, and anyone would know that. Don’t let him bullshit you. He’s shown his true colours early on, which is a blessing in disguise.

Jenasaurus · 17/10/2019 23:39

So he took you to a party and got off with someone else in front of you. That is so cruel, I know he can technically have sex and see who he wants but it sounds like he wasn't clear when you met that, that is how he wanted it. I couldn't deal with that and it sounds like you cant either. I am sorry Op but I really wouldn't waste any time on a man that just wants to get his end away and not even know what the woman he is shagging looks like.

Banaleaf · 17/10/2019 23:41

Oh not you again but under a different username? I apologise if I am wrong but this is so similar to another thread on here from the weekend?

Bouledeneige · 17/10/2019 23:44

How old are you OP? I'm not asking aggressively but It makes him sound likes he's 17.

I really dislike this thing now about being official or not. My DD who is 19 was discussing it with me, and we both agreed that its not good. Some of her friends pretend to be cool with not being official but actually end up getting pretty hurt by the blokes freedom to sleep with other people. (Of course they had the same freedom, but DD's friends tended to really like the guy and not want to mess around). My DD's last BF didnt bother with any of that - they were official straight away.

Honestly OP I'd walk away. Its only been 7 weeks true but you need to find someone who isn't go to play that game. Its hurts.

MashedSpud · 17/10/2019 23:45

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Banaleaf · 17/10/2019 23:49

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LellyMcKelly · 17/10/2019 23:49

One thing you do know now is that he’s not that mad about you. It’s up to you what you do with that information. It’s only been 7 weeks.

LadyGAgain · 17/10/2019 23:54

Oh @hattybattyscatty . You sound like me 11 years ago. And maybe at the time he "just wasn't into me" but, then he was. Two kids and a marriage later and never could have been happier!!

Interestedwoman · 18/10/2019 00:04

'Yeah maybe I shouldn't of said I was getting feelings for him.
I didn't help myself there did I'

@hattybattyskatty nothing wrong with saying you were 'getting feelings' if that's what you said. Did he reply? I don't think you said anything wrong there, it's not like you said you were desperately in love with him or anything like that.

I disagree with the poster who said at least he didn't lead you on. I know it's only been 7 weeks, but I would feel led on if someone had kept quiet about seeing other people etc, which would've made it seem like there was just us having a relationship, and it had more chance of some meaning.

Interestedwoman · 18/10/2019 00:08

@LadyGAgain did he get off with someone else in front of you while he was seeing you, though?!

SimplySteveRedux · 18/10/2019 00:08

Yes, you may have had feelings for him, but you weren’t in a relationship.

Sounds like the OP was openly displaying her feelings to him, and obvious to the twat. To kiss a girl in that scenario shows a lack of integrity, sincerity, morality and respect. He's a disingenuous, deceptive, twat.

I'm so happy I'm not in the dating game anymore.

RedWineAllMine · 18/10/2019 00:09

What does he want? A signed contract to make it official?
Don't waste any more feelings on this guy. If he respected you he wouldn't have done it. He's a shit. He doesn't need anything to make it official, his feelings or respect for you should be enough to not do shit like that. He doesn't respect you, neither did he respect the girl he slept with. He has openly said he didn't know what she looked like! WTF? Yet he stuck it in anyway? Don't lower your standards.

RainbowBlanket · 18/10/2019 00:11

Don’t waste your time. Bin him off

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