Husband going to the cinema with female colleague

[notacoolmom]

My husband decided once he got to work today that he was going to go to the cinema alone with a female colleague when he finished. We've been having a hard time recently and I was under the impression he'd want to spend the evening with me. This girl is constantly messaging him, I have been introduced to her/said hello to her several times at his work and she has flat out ignored me. I'm not convinced he has other intentions, but I think she might. I have told him I don't like her repeatedly but also reinforced the fact that I want him to make the decisions on what he does with his life whilst taking my feelings into account. I also looked up how long the movie lasts and it should have finished half an hour ago but he's claiming it's still on so I dunno.

I'm really not comfy with this and he thinks I'm being unreasonable. I will never 'forbid' him from doing anything I just wanted him to make the right decision. Sorry needed to vent

Why couldn’t you go too ?

Was it a genre of film that they are into and discuss in work and you don’t like ?

I would not be happy with this at all especially if he just announced it as a done deal with no discussion

She's not the problem, he is. Your marriage is on the rocks and he's taking a woman that he knows fancies him to the cinema.

You can't flog a dead horse, why are you accepting so little? Maybe you need to think about expecting more for yourself.

So he took a woman on a date?

For me personally this would be 100%. Unacceptable. If he wants to go to cinema etc with other women then he could go permanently

Do you have kids OP? If not, break lose now

He’s doing it to spite you. It sounds like she’s super keen and he can use her to make you jealous.

Yeah he basically took her on a date
This isn't ok

Your husband is playing with fire, and this situation is totally unacceptable. Stop being a doormat and ask him what the fuck he thinks he's playing at. He's taking you for a fool.

Ew he’s taking her on a date. He’s a dick by the sounds of it, sorry OP

You were right not to forbid him but he has made a stupid choice likely intended to hurt/upset you. I would rethink my relationship.

Call the cinema and ask when it finishes. Mind you, he may never have got that far.... sounds awkward / slightly suspicious to me. Absolutely agree that he's entitled to have female friends to hang out with but of things are a little rocky between you at the moment, if he talks to her about you, if she ignores you, if the cinema isn't in fact still showing (or he's elsewhere), then it's time for an honest chat.

This is not okay!

He is NOT respecting you!! This is actually out of order.

Get your ducks in a row. Red flags everywhere.

He should be taking you out and spending his time with you! If my dp went to the cinema with another women alone that wasn’t family I would be rethinking the relationship. In a group with friends/colleagues yeh whatever that’s all good, but not on a bloody date with another woman.

Definitely not ok. As PPs have said he has basically taken another woman on a date.

There are situations that this would ok eg if your relationship was solid, if the woman seemed like a trustworthy platonic friend, if you got plenty of quality time together and had no interest in going to the cinema.

This is none of those. Horrible behaviour from him.

Ring the cinema. They’ll tell you if it’s finished. But you already know that. I’m sorry.

Sigh. xref to "green flags" thread where one poster's positive story is "I said I was off out for the evening and cinema with male friend, and he said have fun"

And here we have the inverse.

Look, only you know your husband and your specific situation, but I’ve gone to the cinema several times with a male colleague/friend. We’re not groping one another in the back row, we just both like the same type of French film, and can often make an early evening showing after work. If I thought my husband was checking the film running time to see if I was concealing something illicit, I’d think he was having a psychotic episode.

Cinema isn’t necessarily a ‘date’!

Meeting someone new and going to the cinema with them while married is a major red flag! If they were friends before you, that may have been a different thing. This is too intimate to be platonic! Its inappropriate at best. It doesn't seem like he cares much about how you feel. How would he feel if you did the same thing- Went out to dinner or cinema with a new bloke from work or something?

I agree @Poignet. My DP has several women friends who he meets up with on his own sometimes - though usually the pub not the cinema. I'm fine with it. We've been together for a long time, have a good relationship and I trust him.

I guess context is everything and under the circumstances OP has described I can see why she's feeling upset. I hope you can talk it over with him OP.

Awful. He is taking the piss! How would he feel if the shoe was on the other foot?!

Bloody hell, he's dating?!