Husband going to the cinema with female colleague

[notacoolmom]

My husband decided once he got to work today that he was going to go to the cinema alone with a female colleague when he finished. We've been having a hard time recently and I was under the impression he'd want to spend the evening with me. This girl is constantly messaging him, I have been introduced to her/said hello to her several times at his work and she has flat out ignored me. I'm not convinced he has other intentions, but I think she might. I have told him I don't like her repeatedly but also reinforced the fact that I want him to make the decisions on what he does with his life whilst taking my feelings into account. I also looked up how long the movie lasts and it should have finished half an hour ago but he's claiming it's still on so I dunno.

I'm really not comfy with this and he thinks I'm being unreasonable. I will never 'forbid' him from doing anything I just wanted him to make the right decision. Sorry needed to vent

Playing cool girl (despite what some might say) won’t get you anywhere. Just make sure you have a male date night sometime soon (that’s not your husband

What will you say to him when he comes back off this date? He's insane if he thinks you're going to be OK with this.

My take is that he's sending a clear message you and your relationship are not his priority.

He's taking you for a mug. Don't let him do that anymore.

I would be furious in this situation. Might be time for a very straight talk eg. 'I'm obviously not going to say what you can and can't do, that is in your hands. But if you ever cross the line into infidelity either a physical or an emotional affair then it is 100% over with us.' - if that's how you feel of course.

It may just be an ego boost for him but I would be speaking very plainly at this point. Do you have children together? Hope you are okx I'd be so stressed 😩

No no no. This is so not ok.

He's taken someone you've already expressed doubts about out to the cinema? Just the two of them?

Confront and make it clear what your expectations are or the floodgates will open.

I would be asking very specific questions about the movie...

He's kissing her in the movies and all the rest. Are we clear now. When he gets home - throw him out.

I nearly spat out my tea reading this

No.fucking.way

Full stop.endof.whataloadofbollocks!

plain as day he is cheating. sorry OP. Especially as she has ignored you.

I do think this is bizarre and crosses a lot of lines.

It's not inconceivable that work friends may want to go to the cinema together, maybe it's a relevant film or was being discussed and so was suggested as a work outing. However I'd expect it to be arranged in advance and explained like that, not just casually thrown at you on the day. And also it's a bit weird to be one on one.

I have lots of male work friends and will catch up with them over coffee, a drink or grab food but I would find this really uncomfortable and inappropriate.

Sorry hun....This is not ok. At all.

Red flags are flying galore. He's a dick. She's even worse.

On MN, with posts like these, I never know whether posters will be up in arms or not! Seems like most think this is dodgy but I imagine on another day that it would have been OK and the OP would have been deemed to be over reacting.

I had one who ignored me too three times. It's not a good sign op. Lack of respect towards you.

Well, my friendships are virtually all newer than my marriage (DH and I got together very young), and going to the cinema with a male friend still isn’t a ‘date’ any more than it is when I go with a female friend.

But why is the cinema different to dinner or drinks @smoresmores?

Sounds like narcissistic triangulation to me. When narcissists play you off against another woman (eg: their ex or 'just a friend') by doing things like this.

It obviously isn't OK for him to go alone with another woman to the cinema (exception being maybe, maybe if she was a loooong term pal).

But he's going with a woman you have told him you are uncomfortable with too. Is he cheating? Probably. He has likely told her you two are on the rocks.

But the fact that he is telling you about it points towards him doing it to spite you, to hurt you. And that is the really fkd up part.

Bet he tellsyou you are crazy/over reacting/oversensitive/controlling when you say you have a problem with it too.

Kick him out, he isn't just a cheat, he's a fecking narcissist.

Poignet but it's more about the husband knowing that his wife isn't happy about this (mostly because the other woman has ignored/refused to interact with the wife) and yet has still gone. It's total disrespect.

@never
Of course "she" is not worse

But those longterm friendships have to start somewhere, @Pinkbonbon. Some time there will be the first time a pair of friends who go and see a film together, or for a drink. Surely you’re not saying that any new friendships after you’ve married or coupled up can only be same sex?

Honestly, @Honeyroar, I’d be far more suspicious of a friend who took a lot of trouble to be terribly, terribly friendly to me.

If you want to form a new friendship like that when you are already married, you introduce that person to your partner and get them to be pally too. Otherwise you only hang out as part of a group or not at all. It's basic respect.

You dont continue to pursie a friendship with someone who is rude to your partner. Let alone go out alone socially with them alone, to dark rooms. Especially when said partner has said she isn't ok with this.

Er.... no that's not ok.

Sitting in a dark room hand to hand basically.

Lying about film still being on.

Clearly elsewhere carrying on their date.

Back some bits in a bag for him and leave it on the doorstep

It’s the dark room that makes the cinema a ‘date’?

I think it’s quite mad (and unrealistic) to think that your spouse or partner’s friends can/should automatically be yours. Sure, DH and I have some mutual friends of both sexes, but he has friends of both sexes I don’t like, and vice versa. My closest male friend and I bond over obscure arthouse cinema and books, and work in the same field. DH’s closest female friend is a quite well-known sports journalist, and they bond over their shared obsession for a football team, which bores me rigid, and he has another woman friend I virtually never meet because she’s based in a European city he regularly visits for work.

I’m not going to make friendships just to police DH’s relationships.

He's gone to the cinema with the woman who constantly messages him ?! eh okay