Social media ruined my relationship

[Sweet132]

Well...maybe not a fair statement.

It should be: I ruined my relationship for being so unboundaried on social media.

I was in a completely happy and stable relationship. I really was but then....joined social media and temptation was everywhere.

I have messed up so bad! All my own stupid fault!

Sparked up a friendship with someone. I actually knew this lad from an old workplace years ago.

As I was going to cross the line, I finished my boyfriend as didn't want to cheat. Had sex with said person. Which was amazing....mind blowing. Like....he was just ridiculously good in bed. There were 6 encounters altogether. When I knew him from an old workplace, there was defo a spark back then but we never did anything with it.

Then..... realised what the hell I had given up for an encounter and asked ex to take me back.

He did without hesitation....said i was lucky as I could have learned the hard way that the grass wasn't greener and doesn't see any issues. He is a great man...so handsome...tall....protective....just an amazing man. He has accepted me back without question.

Now I'm back in my stable and loving relationship......but....now I have had a taste of thrill of the chase and much better sex.....my relationship feels dull.....even though there is absolutely nothing wrong with it.

My boyfriend is very good in bed but....being in a long term relationship....the sex feels different to the first time you do it with someone you've had a bit of chase with. Like.....new relationship sex. That sex feels a lot more intense to me.

It has been so long since I had that feeling and I miss it. The chase and encounter were just...unreal.

Is there a way I can just forget it all and just be happy with the most perfect man in the world that I have now?

I think I should just shut all the social media accounts down. Alternatively...go from man to man, finishing them when the new relationship sex feel wears off and moving to the next one and just.....growing old a lonely ole bag with no secure partner.

I have access to therapy from work and plan to pick this up with them.

Does anyone have any (kind) words of wisdom? I know I have messed up and I don't need reminding of it 😥

The only thing I feel I am lacking is that thrill......which will naturally wear off in a relationship of course. But....it is still fresh in my mind I guess.

Urgh. Thanks for listening x x

I mean this as nicely as possible, but grow up.

Do you have children?

No kids. I never wanted them.

I was just thinking...when I have been single and having fun...I've often craved the comfort and security of a stable relationship.

Then when I get that....I start to miss the chase and thrill. This isn't the first time i've craved it.

🤷🏼‍♀️

Besides......think I have well and truly missed the boat with that one (I'm 40!!).

Well, there's plenty of posters on this forum who've asked about breaking up families for such. And they've been advised YOLO and life's short and "the factyou feel it is reason enough", etc.

At least you have the insight to see where it ends. That there is no relationship that can ever sustain such butterflies. That unfortunately - due to human nature and biology - it really is completely unreasonable to expect someone to passively provide this for ever more. That if they don't it obviously isn't "true love".

Most of us come to terms with this. We look back fondly on those times but take solace that though the "newness" might be gone there's soemthing just as good - if not better - that takes its place: the deep intimacy that comes from being with someone you know so well.

But if your someone who, when they weigh "newness" and deepened intimacy on the scales doesn't feel much value in the latter (or doesn't feel it much at all!) then - as you have worked out yourself - you know the life you want to choose. You cannot, alas, have both - by the very nature deepened intimacy takes time! Sounds unfair, but that's life. We made be told we can have it all but sadly reality often tends to differ on than point.

Maybe you are just not ready to settle down yet.

Either you end the relationship with your perfect man and spend your life chasing men to sleep until you feel ready to settle or you get off SM and concentrate on your relationship.

If you follow the first path bear in mind not every encounter you have will give you the mind blowing sex you experienced last time and you might tire of it and not be able to find again the perfect partner you currently have. If you follow the second path be aware that every relationship has its ups and downs - relationships can get dull but it's what you do to keep the spice in the relationship that keeps it from getting boring.
Neither path will be without its difficulties.

Tippletopple and onemorecup.

Thank you for your intelligent posts.

I've read your messages several times now.

I have some work to do. I can't lose my BF....life without him was awful....I need to get to a point where I can settle down.

Well....perhaps see if I can and then...if it really isn't possible, make some tough decisions.

Thanks so much again. So reassuring.........xx

Well you have no family commitments to worry about and one of the upsides of that is that you can pretty much please yourself. You don't sound ready to be in a steady relationship and it's not about "growing up". Don't force yourself to conform to a template if you don't want/need to.

Maybe consider broaching the possibility of an open relationship or something along those lines with your BF and see if he's receptive?

You sound very immature for 40

At 40 you're way too old to be playing the ingenue who doesn't know what her likkle heart wants. If your BF is still prepared to have you - & god knows he's likely fed up to the back teeth with you & just ready to fall for the love of a good woman who knows how to keep her knickers on - I'd be amazed.

I have considered this, Brenda....but there isn't any way BF would be up for that. And he is such a good man.....if he got away, I would regret it forever I think.

I feel I need to find a way of accepting I need to just....settle down. Come off social media, away from any possible temptation and just let go of the need for the thrill.

As per post above....I can't have it both ways!! X

Well, it sounds like you know exactly what your options are and you’re just looking for people to tell you you’re not a bad person for doing what you did and thinking what you’re thinking about doing.
You’re not a bad person, we’ve all done silly things we then go on to regret but I’m not sure you’re that remorseful because really... there wasn’t much consequence for your actions was there? You essentially had your cake and ate it too, and now you’re wanting another slice. I’m sorry but you sound really immature for 40 and I kind of feel sorry for your boyfriend. I’d say if you’re still entertaining ideas of chasing the thrill of new sex with someone else, break up with the poor guy and let him find someone that isn’t looking for something better

Come on, Eileen 😂

(Triggered or what?! 😂😂😂) xx

I don't regret taking my knickers off for said lad. Not for one second.

He was 26 too 😂👌🏼 xx

😏

Thank you.

I don't regret the encounter....I didn't do anything wrong...I didn't cheat. It was great.

It is more....now I have had a taste of the thrill....I miss it from my relationship, now me and my BF have decided to give it another go 😫

I am going to deal with this. Can't have it both ways 🤷🏼‍♀️ x

I will just clarify this.

I dont have any remorse for the encounter...because I do not need to.

I did the right thing breaking it off with my BF. I had an amazing time. I didn't cheat.
I can do what I want if i'm single. It was a lot of fun.

It's just...although I love the security of my relationship...and my BF is just so handsome...I now crave the beginning bit.

I read a thread on the wedding bee forum...a girl posted that she was due to get married and was wondering if anyone missed the same...the feeling of a new relationship.

Every woman who posted said they did but most said that they were happy to sacrifice it for the security and love of a longer term relationship.

That is where I need to be!

I don’t see the issue.

You say that you think you’d regret losing your current boyfriend and you speak very highly of him.

Why are you even wasting time lamenting over casual sex?

In fact, why not pour your energy into making your sex life with your partner better?

OK the ‘new sex’ thrill won’t be there, but that only ever lasts the first few times anyway. You can still have great sex in a LT relationship. My hubby and I have been together since 1996 and our sex life is varied, fun, naughty at times and still gives me the shivers. You are 50% responsible for crappy sex.

DBML. Me and my BF have amazing sex...

DBML ps thank you.

Sex with my BF is already amazing.

Even better. So you’ve seriously got no worry here.

🤔 thank you.

I feel....restless still. But thank you very much. I am going to work on this.

I've had a fair few casual encounters over the years and...although most enjoyable, they aren't worh losing this man over. He really is a goodun. So...I have to come to terms with settling down.

If you have a good looking, kind, understanding, forgiving, reliable and secure, gentleman of a boyfriend, who is great in bed...you’ve answered your own question.

So perhaps your thread title should actually be:
‘Social Media saved my relationship and helped me realise the worth of my bf’

Problem solved. Thank you, thank you.

DBML. Thank you 🙏🏻

You're not getting younger. Chasing men will end in frustration for you as the years advance.

Do the therapy.

You wanted a stable relationship, you got one. You got a loving and forgiving man who you don't want to lose.

Sort your hormones out and stop fantasising about other men, other encounters - or decide that actually, you DON'T really want to be in a stable relationship (which I think is actually the real problem).

You can't have your cake and eat it - either deal with your "restlessness" or let your stable relationship go, because I don't think you're actually ready for it.