Social media ruined my relationship

[Sweet132]

Well...maybe not a fair statement.

It should be: I ruined my relationship for being so unboundaried on social media.

I was in a completely happy and stable relationship. I really was but then....joined social media and temptation was everywhere.

I have messed up so bad! All my own stupid fault!

Sparked up a friendship with someone. I actually knew this lad from an old workplace years ago.

As I was going to cross the line, I finished my boyfriend as didn't want to cheat. Had sex with said person. Which was amazing....mind blowing. Like....he was just ridiculously good in bed. There were 6 encounters altogether. When I knew him from an old workplace, there was defo a spark back then but we never did anything with it.

Then..... realised what the hell I had given up for an encounter and asked ex to take me back.

He did without hesitation....said i was lucky as I could have learned the hard way that the grass wasn't greener and doesn't see any issues. He is a great man...so handsome...tall....protective....just an amazing man. He has accepted me back without question.

Now I'm back in my stable and loving relationship......but....now I have had a taste of thrill of the chase and much better sex.....my relationship feels dull.....even though there is absolutely nothing wrong with it.

My boyfriend is very good in bed but....being in a long term relationship....the sex feels different to the first time you do it with someone you've had a bit of chase with. Like.....new relationship sex. That sex feels a lot more intense to me.

It has been so long since I had that feeling and I miss it. The chase and encounter were just...unreal.

Is there a way I can just forget it all and just be happy with the most perfect man in the world that I have now?

I think I should just shut all the social media accounts down. Alternatively...go from man to man, finishing them when the new relationship sex feel wears off and moving to the next one and just.....growing old a lonely ole bag with no secure partner.

I have access to therapy from work and plan to pick this up with them.

Does anyone have any (kind) words of wisdom? I know I have messed up and I don't need reminding of it 😥

The only thing I feel I am lacking is that thrill......which will naturally wear off in a relationship of course. But....it is still fresh in my mind I guess.

Urgh. Thanks for listening x x

You're basically a drug addict. Research has found new relationships stimulate areas of the brain similar to areas stimulated by cocaine (google it). And sex releases powerful biochemicals in the brain, different kinds of endorphins, vasopressin, oxytocin, and more. But like with any high you build a tolerance hence your desire for promiscuity and novelty.

But really there's no reason you can't have thrilling and exciting sex with your partner, you just have to have some discipline and channel your energy into that bond, and use your imagination, creativity, and erotic intelligence. No reason why you can't have stability and novel excitement with this man, you don't necessarily need to outsource the latter to randoms.

Do feel sorry for your partner though, who likely wouldn't want to be with you if he knew the truth. If you wanna behave in thought and deed like you're single that's your prerogative, but in the context you're in your actions and your blase attitude I find quite repulsive. How would you feel roles reversed? If you can't find fulfilment in monogamy then find a man who has the same mentality and desire for promiscuity as you, and be in a relationship that is at least honest.

I've triggered a lot of women off on here. Not my intention but...if you do not like yourself or your life...change it.

I love being me. I just....wish I was not craving the thrill you get at the beginnung of a relationship.

I've had a taste of it again..after being so long in a relationship and ita made me think....i miss that and I miss sleeping around.

I am going to get there though.

This is in a way a midlife crisis perhaps. Part of what you're finding hard could be the thought of, if you stick to this relationship for life as people expect you to, never having that thrill again.

I think I would have a word with my boyfriend, if this thrill is important to you.

Yes thank you re: addiction. I'm on it.

It isn't a midlife crisis, I'm afraid. I wish it was as that would be easier.

I've always been like this. I went years in casual relationships because I enjoyed the thrill. Never settling down because i liked a lot of men and the variety and thrill.

But i cannot go back to that. I just cant. Too much to lose.

I just...love the variety of men (single ones that is....never went with a man who was taken. Actually...no man who has a wife or GF has ever pursued me in that way...wouldn't have gone there any way)

This probably has already been said, but social media didn't ruin your relationship. You ruined it by choosing to shag someone else. Social media can't force you, for goodness sake.

People can have open relationships where they have a main partner and can have others on the side. A poly lifestyle for example.
If everyone is honest, then crack on.
This current guy doesn't seem right for you so just be single until you find someone who suits you better. No need to have therapy to convince you of something.

My DH behaved as you describe .Got involved in online EA affair and met up once.
I guess when he crossed that boundary , and got away with it , he felt perhaps " entitled " to do it again
But I found out .And am currently in the process of separating. The reality of what is now happening has him now saying that he would do anything to go back and never do it. Not worth the outcome for a cheap thrill.
You will lose your BF . No way will he continue to forgive .And it will change his respect and feelings for you irrevocably .

Let me guess.

Male. Basement flat, couple of housemates. Going round to mums for dinner later?

Also , in my angry mood ....

What gives you the right to indulge your own selfish desires at the expense of another person's happiness and well being ?
So , what makes you so special ? And lastly , who the fuck do you think you are ?

Lighthearted.Kinda .

I've triggered a lot of women off on here.

Don't kid yourself . People just think you're a bit of an idiot.

How about spicing up your sex life?

yep, absolutely, live your life however you choose. But please god none of my male friends or my DS end up with a woman like you.

Did you have a good relationship with your parents? If not, this is why you maybe feel 'chasing' for affection is the only decent kind. When it's given freely, you think it's boring and weird. People that had to do things to get attention from their parents, often end up in toxic situations as adults where they love the chase and don't see anything else as normal

I've triggered a lot of women off on here

Don't flatter yourself. As someone has already said, it's hardly a challenge to get a man into bed. The majority of women on here, and elsewhere, could go out today and have sex with a new man, hell, maybe even a 26yo, before the sun sets. You're pathetic and slightly ridiculous.

There's nothing sadder than a 40yo woman deluding herself she's a femme fatale.

Although the theory you're a basement dwelling neckbeard holds water...

You sound 16

You dont have to stop sleeping around mate. Noone cares about that. They just think you shouldnt lie and fuck over the man you profess. To love and literally begged to take you back.
Just be single. Its ok to be single. You can be as promiscuous as you want then. Have a different cock every night and noone gets hurt and you all know where you stand. Monogamy isnt for everyone.
Have you ever heard of the book "the ethical slut"
I suggest you take a read. There are ways to get your excitement but without wantonly hurting those you say you love.

If you dont want to do this then id suggest youre actually getting some of your thrills precisely because youre cheating, not because its new and fresh, but that the deceit turns you on, and if that's the case then no point advising you because its kind of sociopathic and narcissistic

I've triggered a lot of women off on here. Not my intention but...if you do not like yourself or your life...change it.

Your use of the word 'triggered' in this sentence makes me think you are either a teenager or desperate to appear younger.

Also the fact that you think people are saying things because they just be unhappy, shows immature thinking.

Also your desperate attempt at telling everyone how confident you are, doesnt ring true.

People happy with themselves, confident in their own skin and in happy relationships, do not dress to attract attention. They dress for themseleves.

Well adjusted people dont dump amazing partners to fuck someone else.

I think, you thought people would be so jealous of your ability to shag a 26 year old, so you posted here. Truth is, that's not that difficult. Go on an online dating site when you are over 35 and loads of younger men will message you.

I divorced at 34. Attracting a younger man took no effort at all. Its not my bag though, so didnt take any of them up on their explicit offers.

Women should be able to fulfill their sexual needs, assuming their are legal , but treating your partner like shit isnt. Using them for stability, isnt ok.

No one gives a shit who you shag.

If op is 40 then I’m Boris Johnson

The way you talk about these men reminds me of creepy predatory man would talk about women.

Jeez 🙄 if you were a box of chocolates, you'd eat yourself. You sound like an overconfident, entitled brat.

I love being me

I don’t think this is true. Whichever of these applies to you, people who love themselves don’t feel the need to try and convince themselves of that in every post. They also don’t get validation purely from shagging strangers, and they don’t troll Mumsnet threads.

The way you talk about these men reminds me of creepy predatory man would talk about women.
OMG I know, right? I was thinking the same. Euuggh.