Social media ruined my relationship

[Sweet132]

Well...maybe not a fair statement.

It should be: I ruined my relationship for being so unboundaried on social media.

I was in a completely happy and stable relationship. I really was but then....joined social media and temptation was everywhere.

I have messed up so bad! All my own stupid fault!

Sparked up a friendship with someone. I actually knew this lad from an old workplace years ago.

As I was going to cross the line, I finished my boyfriend as didn't want to cheat. Had sex with said person. Which was amazing....mind blowing. Like....he was just ridiculously good in bed. There were 6 encounters altogether. When I knew him from an old workplace, there was defo a spark back then but we never did anything with it.

Then..... realised what the hell I had given up for an encounter and asked ex to take me back.

He did without hesitation....said i was lucky as I could have learned the hard way that the grass wasn't greener and doesn't see any issues. He is a great man...so handsome...tall....protective....just an amazing man. He has accepted me back without question.

Now I'm back in my stable and loving relationship......but....now I have had a taste of thrill of the chase and much better sex.....my relationship feels dull.....even though there is absolutely nothing wrong with it.

My boyfriend is very good in bed but....being in a long term relationship....the sex feels different to the first time you do it with someone you've had a bit of chase with. Like.....new relationship sex. That sex feels a lot more intense to me.

It has been so long since I had that feeling and I miss it. The chase and encounter were just...unreal.

Is there a way I can just forget it all and just be happy with the most perfect man in the world that I have now?

I think I should just shut all the social media accounts down. Alternatively...go from man to man, finishing them when the new relationship sex feel wears off and moving to the next one and just.....growing old a lonely ole bag with no secure partner.

I have access to therapy from work and plan to pick this up with them.

Does anyone have any (kind) words of wisdom? I know I have messed up and I don't need reminding of it 😥

The only thing I feel I am lacking is that thrill......which will naturally wear off in a relationship of course. But....it is still fresh in my mind I guess.

Urgh. Thanks for listening x x

You are a child.

What the fuck is going on

This is nothing to do with social media, it's about you OP and the choices you made.

You don't think that you did anything wrong because "we were on a break!". However, you left bf to have a fling (maybe knowing bf would take you back?) and therefore hurt the man who obviously loves you. You say you have a loving relationship, but you don't talk about him with love. From what you say bf sounds like a decent guy, and personally if I didn't think I could stay faithful to my partner (and atm you don't) I wouldn't be putting them through that again and would leave for good. You may want a stable relationship, but that stability has to come from both of you. You are the one rocking the boat.

If this had happened the other way around and you were on here posting about your bf doing what you have done, there would be a chorus of LTBs.

Agree 100% with Mothership4two

Make your relationship more thrilling ... the usual stuff (if you want, and if your bf will "play" along...

texting, role play, meeting somewhere and role playing etc

Re-frame your view of long term relationship sex, it is thrilling in it's own way, it's being comfortable to push the boundaries, being safe knowing you can trust that person, knowing that only you get to be this intimate with someone, knowing that they know what you like, you know what they lik, and no one does... etc

"going from man to man" well, there is nothing wrong with that, but what happens when THAT becomes "boring?" Which it will. The thing with chasing thrills is that they need to get bigger and bigger in order to satisfy us, you are just chasing a temporary "high" that won't last.

I don't regret the encounter....I didn't do anything wrong...I didn't cheat. It was great.

If my dp dumped me so he go fuck and ex co-worker, the decided he wanted to come back to me because while that sex'was mind blowing' he also wanted the comforts of being in a relationship with me......whilst lamenting about all the causal sex he was missing out on......I would think he was doing something wrong.

And honestly, are you saying you just innocently chatted with this man before your broke up with your boyfriend?

Social media has nothing to do with this. Thousands of people use social media everyday and manage to not get in touch with ex and leave our partners for a casual shag.

I suspect you will do this again. And thi k it's all ok, because you finish with your boyfriend before having the casual sex.

Ita not really. Decide. Relationship or casual sex. It seems you mainly decide on wanting a relationship because your boyfriend is a good man and you dot want to be alone when you are older.

Be with him if you want to be with him. Not because he is a good option. He deserves to be with someone who wants to be with him because they want him. Not someone who is afraid of being alone, but sat they wishing they could go shag other people.

You sound unhinged and emotionally immature.
It wasn't social media that was your problem. You have much deeper and much more serious issues. I suggest you get your off to some very good counselling.

I have never felt any of the feelings you are feeling. Ever.

When you are with the right person. You don't have regrets or feel bad about 'settling down' like it's some sort of compromise.

Because it IS no compromise. I have NO desire, ZERO, to be with anyone else, other than Dh.

So, BF clearly isn't the right man for you. You aren't in the ' right place' emotionally, to make this, or possibly any relationship work right now.

Does your boyfriend know why you left him and that you shagged this other guy?

He was 26 too 😂👌🏼 xx

Yeah...I wouldn't be proud of that vom

The only thing I feel I am lacking is that thrill......which will naturally wear off in a relationship of course. But....it is still fresh in my mind I guess

You are still too lacking in life experiences to be in a long term relationship it seems. Set your poor boyfriend free (therefore allowing him to be snapped up by someone who will appreciate him), and just go off into the world to shag who you want. Nothing wrong with that - but you seem like you just aren't ready yet for any LTRs.

You don't think that you did anything wrong because "we were on a break!". However, you left bf to have a fling (maybe knowing bf would take you back?) and therefore hurt the man who obviously loves you. You say you have a loving relationship, but you don't talk about him with love. From what you say bf sounds like a decent guy, and personally if I didn't think I could stay faithful to my partner (and atm you don't) I wouldn't be putting them through that again and would leave for good. You may want a stable relationship, but that stability has to come from both of you. You are the one rocking the boat

If this had happened the other way around and you were on here posting about your bf doing what you have done, there would be a chorus of LTBs

^^THIS.

Yeah, your DP sounds like a pushover here. I hope he has a good friend who will be telling him that his relationship with you is bad idea.

You sound beyond irritating and very attention seeking. Feel for your boyfriend tbh. Poor bloke.

He was 26 too with a thumbs up sounds like something a 40 year old man would say.

I sort of understand where you are coming from, Sweet; sex doesn't have the same thrill when you've been with someone a long time and an 'affair' is more exciting.

However you are a grown up person and must know that 'flash-in-the-pan', wonderful sex does not last whereas what you have with your partner does. Also you say you have a good sex life with him, you might not have had that with the other chap after a while, never mind all the other good things you have with partner..

(You're not quite too old yet to have a baby btw, plenty of women have them at just over 40; I'm not in any way advocating it and you've said you never wanted children which is fair enough.)

You have to decide which you want most. Single life or a relationship. You can’t keep breaking up with him so you can have sex with someone else and expect him
to take you back when you’ve had some! That’s such a terrible thing to do and it’s not fair on him!

The guy you’re with sounds awesome and you’re extremely lucky he took you back this time. I’m the long-run the single life will probably wear you down. Not every guy is going to be good in bed, in fact you’d probably be disappointed more than you’re satisfied. You said you and your BF have amazing sex anyway so I’d work on things with him. Then you can have best of both worlds.

If you break up with him so you can sleep with someone else again you have to let your boyfriend go. It’s so cruel!

You did cheat on your BF though. Maybe not physically, but certainly an EA which most posters on this board consider just as harmful.

I’d also ask whether your BF knows exactly what happened with this guy? I take it you’ve not been transparent with the amount of messaging you must have been doing, up to the point you decided you just couldn’t keep your knickers on any longer?

Would you be so arrogant about this if it was your BF who’d chatted up a 26YO, dumped you out of the blue to go and shag around with her, and then tried to resurrect your relationship? Like fuck you would.

How long have you actually been with the boyfriend?

Honestly, this sounds like it's been written by some sleaze. I am sure your arent.

But you worked with the man 'years ago'. So how old was he when you met?

If a man was saying 'yeah wanted to shag this woman I knew 6 years ago, so I tracked her down on social media, sent some dirty texts and then snagged her a couple times. She is 26 👍👌😂, it was great. But I did have the decent to dump my girlfriend when I knew she was definitely gonna shag me. The sex was great. But you know mu girlfriend is a decent person and I quite like having the back up of a decent person hanging on while I shag about. So gonna go back to her. Still wanna shag around though'

No one would be saying they understand. People would be saying you are taking the piss out if your partner.

Oh come on people.

Yawn

You have “no regrets and no remorse” for having dumped your kind, handsome and forgiving DP in order to pursue the thrill of the chase and sex with a 26yo.

Your DP then took you back (genuinely astonishing) and still all you can think about is “poor me, I miss being on the market for casual encounters”.

You are seriously missing empathy, gratitude and a moral compass here. This is the sort of attitude naive selfish 20yr olds have, not people of 40 FFS! You sound extremely emotionally immature and self-centred.

Your poor DP has “mug” written all over him if he sticks with you. Please set him free and get that therapy to work on your core values and what you want out of life.

OP some of what you say I identify with. It sounds like you have extremely low self esteem so you're always chasing the high of someone finding you attractive.

Additionally you self sabotage because subconsciously you don't believe you are deserving of a real loving relationship.

You need to seek help because you are always going to fall back on these negative coping strategies if you don't deal with them

You need to pull yourself together. I have known people like you who constantly long for the excitement and electricity of a new relationship and go from partner to partner (casting aside some really quite decent ones in the way). The trouble is, one day you'll be too old and saggy to attract new partners and you'll be left sad and alone. What will you do then?

Lol thanks everyone. I have had a read and sadly can't reply back to everyone. But...I appreciate the input.

I have come off all social media this AM. Other than an account that just has family and friends on.

I filled out the form for therapy and submitted it!

Fingers crossed, I can settle down now with BF. I've had a lot of fun with casual encounters over the years...but...they wont give me what I have now from BF.

I am blessed with that guy, I'm telling you. Everyone keeps saying...I can't have it both ways and that is right.

It's either the thrill of casual/new sex or the love and security of my BF.

I remembered a therapist saying to me...years ago....perhaps you are a woman who needs to have several men at the same time (was seeing him in relation to something else and relationships came up). Not gonna lie, I quite like that idea....so much variety.....but...I cannot have my cake and eat it and those types of encounters are never built on love and security so I'm gonna have to get to a point of being satisfied with what I have.

My sex drive at 40 is raging....been waiting for it to settle down and it's getting worse 🤔 Being this age comes with a lot of confidence and, although I have always taken care of myself, I have never felt and looked as good as I do now. I don't think that helps....but I need this to be for my BFs benefit only. Is it always at the back of my mind to look hot so I can be attractive to men? Something wrong there.

Thanks again everyone!

Love your life the way you want, but don't destroy your partner in the meantime.

If you're not sure, break up with him until you know what you want then at least he can find someone to be happy with.