To come home and find...

[sashadik]

NC...you never know who's watching

Been with DP for about a year, not long I know but things have been good and we've moved it along. I'm well aware of his habits when it comes to relieving himself and to be honest I've always been fine about it, it's his private time and what he does with that time is his business within reason of course. Sometimes he's been know to take a viagra for a bit of fun when we have sex plus our sex life is pretty good and very regular. My thing is recently I've noticed he has some viagra and they kind of went missing, I believe he has just moved them so I don't see that they are being used when I'm not around. But today, after he had spent the day at home and I at work, I got in, see to my DC and then went upstairs to get cups etc. I noticed some white chalky stuff on the bedside drawers, didn't think too much of it but then moved his trousers and well, half a viagra dropped out of his work trousers. So clearly the white chalk was in fact where he'd cut the tablet in half. I'm usually pretty easygoing when it comes to wanking and watching porn but today, after finding that and knowing it's not the first time I'm struggling with something and I can't quite place what it is that isn't sitting right with me. Not to mention I just have this image of him whacking off all day and really preparing for the moment whilst doing fuck all else around the house which is in fact quite a mess. Of course, I did't mention anything to him but I certainly made him know that I was upset about something. I don't really know what I want from this post so any views will be well received.

I tend to do the cleaning and washing but he does the cooking and shopping.

You’re in his house a few weeks and already you’re doing the cleaning and washing. Would you ever wise up!!!

Wildorchidz...but what if I'm happy for this set up??? Just because it doesn't work for most MNers doesn't mean it doesn't work for anyone.

I don't really know much about viagra. But he used something to help him mastubate. I'm dont feel particularly ick about that. If a woman used a vibrator would that be so awful? Hes alone at home, so he has a wank. Masturbation is often not about being horny but more about stress. Sometimes you need a shortcut to help you get off. That's fine in my book.

Leaving a mess I'd be annoyed about. Cant go leaving spunky tissues about. But maybe you came home unexpectedly? The housework I cant get too arsed about. Theres always time for housework. You can do it with other people around. I assume he does his share. I'd prioritise some private time over housework any day tbh

Sorry op I hope I'm not sounding irate. I'm just a little on the back foot on thinking so differently.

Lasttimeround...not irate at all, I really appreciate your comments and it's refreshing to read this kind of comment.

Why does he need viagra for a wank?!

So - OP you are 'happy' to do most oft he wifework, you don't mind him having a wank, you aren't fussed by finding tablets in his trousers, and white powder around, spunky tissues left for you to clean up, (more demeaning wifework) you don't see any problem with moving into his house after knowing him 5 minutes (with kids) ....

Why are you posting?

Simplekindoflife - personally, I don't know enough about viagra to be able to answer this but I'm confident that is all he is using it for, call me a mug or deluded that's up to you but I know.

Loveablers I think OP says above that he has used cam girls before? And agreed not to since?

Ptumbi...honestly, I'm posting to hear the more rational comments from the people that share a similar view to myself and help me calm down instead of overreact.

Zzzexhaustedzzz

Used before me...never whilst we've been together as far as I know, my only fear that he may have on this occasion was the use of the viagra. But that of course is my mind running away with itself and winding myself up.

to hear the more rational comments from the people that share a similar view to myself

The rational views that agree with your own rational views. 🙄

Juells...I think it's more about being on the same page and understanding where someone is coming from more than being agreeable.

Was your child at home when he was having his alone time?
If so that would really concern me. I wouldnt want any one highly sexually charged and aroused in sole care of any child

However if he was completely alone at home thats quite different. You need to talk to no and he needs to be honest with you.
Like others have said this should be the honeymoon period so please think carefully about where things are at
I really hope you get the answers you want and that things work out x

Er I dont get where the op is a doormat or how this guy is a waste of space. He does housework in a split they've agreed to and it's not just the "mans jobs" of lawn mowing and bins. Hes got a job - hes no layabout. Hes had a wank in his home when others are out. OP has moved in with him but shes got resources to move out if she need to so that's not making herself dependent. So that's ok. And I think 1 year into a relationship isnt rushing it. Plus I dont think you find out sometimes wanking habits unless you live with them in most cases. It's only ever been my weirdo loser boyfriends who wanted to discuss their masturbating with me.
The only real issues are: he needs to clean up the dust from pill cutting more carefully with kids about. And he lied to op about using viagra to wank. I'm.not sure what I make of the last one. I'm not sure I feel I have to tell my partner what exactly I do when I mastubate either.
But op:despite the outraged tones on here. I think this is very much grey zone, depends how you feel.about it, sort of stuff.

Oh my, some of the judgemental comments on here are crazy!!

Man masturbates - goodness do none of you/your husbands ever indulge???

He was alone at home, poor man if you can't do it then when can you!!

You need to chat to him about the cam girls. My ex did it, I didn't like it. I told home that, he ignored it and now he is my ex ( more complex reasons). Also ask why he took viagra. Also cutting a pill doesn't make much white residue so are you sure it was just viagra. Many people who take cocaine also take viagra as it interferes with your performance?

I hope you chat to him and find the answers xxx

to hear the more rational comments from the people that share a similar view to myself and help me calm down instead of overreact.

So basically you want posters to validate your choices & to confirm that you're right to stay with this man that you've known for a year & forced your child to live with

I wish they'd get Nethuns back up & running

Are you sure he's not a porn addict? They struggle to maintain an erection due to their addiction. Maybe he needs them all the time to get hard and/or stay hard?

Aside from the fact he is now living with a child and has very poor boundaries- viagra falling out of pockets and "clean up" evidence- absolutely vile - the biggest issue you have here is that you've made a classic "but it felt so right" move.

Moving your kid into some blokes home after a year? The comments aren't meant to hurt you, they're pointing out the obvious.

But there is a lot of overreaction on here. The guy had a wank when everyone's out. Suddenly hes a layabout wanking for hours at a time. He has a job. Plus hes a peado - sexually aroused in charge of a child. Er cos hes doing the school run later? And the house has gone from being s bit of a mess to crack den proportions of squalor. And the op demeans herself because she cleans while he cooks.
Really this is nuts

What’s nuts is that she has moved herself and her child into his house.
When they split she will have to move herself and her child out again.

Moving into his isnt ideal. But I think whether its nuts depends on lots of factors. Sounds like shes got the finances to move herself back out if needed. But I dont think a year into a relationship is horrifyingly short. And all moving somewhere new isnt always an option or even the best option.

Natalie

You seem like a very angry person because someone doesn't conform to your ideals.

I'm not after validation for anything, people who have similar views to me will obviously come across as making more sense and making me feel better about the situation. Which IS what I want; I don't want to end my relationship because my partner has been wanking, my god, if we all did that we'd all be single forever.

For the record, I am not intending on moving myself or my child out of the house therefore the comments regarding this I'm finding pretty irrelevant. My child is safe, loved and happy.

@sashadik not angry just astounded at the lackadaisical way some mothers allow men they barely know into their children's lives because it suits them without any consideration for the impact on their child(ren)