To come home and find...

[sashadik]

NC...you never know who's watching

Been with DP for about a year, not long I know but things have been good and we've moved it along. I'm well aware of his habits when it comes to relieving himself and to be honest I've always been fine about it, it's his private time and what he does with that time is his business within reason of course. Sometimes he's been know to take a viagra for a bit of fun when we have sex plus our sex life is pretty good and very regular. My thing is recently I've noticed he has some viagra and they kind of went missing, I believe he has just moved them so I don't see that they are being used when I'm not around. But today, after he had spent the day at home and I at work, I got in, see to my DC and then went upstairs to get cups etc. I noticed some white chalky stuff on the bedside drawers, didn't think too much of it but then moved his trousers and well, half a viagra dropped out of his work trousers. So clearly the white chalk was in fact where he'd cut the tablet in half. I'm usually pretty easygoing when it comes to wanking and watching porn but today, after finding that and knowing it's not the first time I'm struggling with something and I can't quite place what it is that isn't sitting right with me. Not to mention I just have this image of him whacking off all day and really preparing for the moment whilst doing fuck all else around the house which is in fact quite a mess. Of course, I did't mention anything to him but I certainly made him know that I was upset about something. I don't really know what I want from this post so any views will be well received.

I don't understand the cam girls part. Why did you have a conversation about that, is it something he's done in the past?

Sorry but it all sounds a bit seedy. I don't like the sound of him living with you and your child but having grim habits like this as his hobby.

(random aside, you can buy very good pill cutters for a few quid on amazon).

Count, when you're in the situation things look a lot different to those on the outside...it was the right thing for us all and it felt right. I'm sure I could have left it another year or even 5 and still not known the depth of this until we had moved in...as they say, you never truly know a person until you live with them.

Chevalier - I'm not sure anymore.

If you and your DC live in HIS house - that's a real problem. He'll be all "my house I do what I like"

Do you do all the cleaning cooking, shopping etc; ? Were you expected to clear up his wank tissues or whatever?

Morriszapp

I don't understand the cam girls part. Why did you have a conversation about that, is it something he's done in the past? It's something he has done in the past.

(random aside, you can buy very good pill cutters for a few quid on amazon - I'll let him know

Mariana you're totally right.

I tend to do the cleaning and washing but he does the cooking and shopping.

I don't just allow anyone into my child's life believe me.

Not trying to be nasty, but you did :(

I'm a big believer of it something doesn't feel right it usually isn't. The fact he's leaving pills/pill powder around when you have a child is shocking. I know it's been said before, but are you sure this is being used by him just to masturbate?

Juells, I thought I knew enough, I thought I'd done everything right.

Djft84 - again, in my heart of hearts I don't feel there is anything else going on aside him pleasuring himself.

Why do women do this!

You've been with the guy a year & moved into his home with your child - wanking issues aside I'd be more concerned about the fact that you've placed yourself & your child in a position to become homeless if when this relationship goes tits up.

He thinks it's acceptable to lay about in bed all day having a viagra & porn fuelled wankfest while the house is a shithole - sounds like a catch

I've been with my boyfriend over a year, no kids involved and the moving in conversation has only just come up. How long were you with him before you moved in?

Natasha, why do women do this...because it felt right in this situation , we'd become a little family unit and are happy (this issue aside). I would also in no way be homeless if it didn't work out. to reiterate I could have left it another year or even 5 and this issue still have cropped up.

" I also found the evidence of the clean up operation which again wasn't exactly discreet."

Yuck!

He doesn't sound great, Op-why stay?

How long have you lived in his house?

Diddl - because, this aside everything else is really good.

Annelovesgilbert

Just over a month

You moved you and your dc into his home after knowing him less than a year?

Okkkaaaay.

I also found the evidence of the clean up operation which again wasn't exactly discreet.

So he's been wanking all day (sorry, just been sick in my mouth) and can't even clean up after himself? And he's propritised his wanking (how long does it take??) over doing anything useful like cleaning, and has left it all for you to do.

I'd just feel really icky about my partner taking Viagra to wank. Sounds like he is a bit obsessed with wanking. Grim.

And you've been together a year: this is meant to be the honeymoon period when everything is wonderful and you're both on your best behaviour.

I wouldn't be in a relationship with a bloke like this. He's already lied to you. Clearly his wanking is more important to him than being truthful to you.

I think in your shoes I would have to have a mental tally of how much this bothers you, how much his laziness bothers you and think about all the other things that bother you or not as the case may be. A sort of list of pros and cons if you like but ...overriding this would be how you feel about him as a person. It doesn't sound like he's 'the one' quite honestly.

You can ask him to move out because you just don't feel on the same page anymore. You don't have to go into any more detail than that. You are allowed to change your mind OP and you do not have to explain to him why. Be as vague as you want.
I started a relationship and within a month it went from feeling brilliant to completely wrong. The reasons were similar to yours. I kept having the words, "He's not the man I thought he was", playing in my mind. I was vague and disentangled myself. I see him now and again and he comes up with some bullshit about me being the one that got away. Had I told him the exact reason...well let's just say I wasn't prepared to do him the favour of the benefit of my experience!
Get free. He's not for you OP.

You'll come home one day and find your DC wiping his face with a wank tissue, or something equally disgusting.

Do men really take viagra to have a wank? Surely they only have a wank because they're already feeling randy? Otherwise it sounds like an addiction to porn, if you have to have help to whack one off.

I don’t think there’s anything majorly wrong with him having a day where he does nothing except have a few wanks, it’s his house, he works, he had nothing else to do, so what?

I also don’t think that there being a child living there is an issue, if the tablet was in his trousers then presumably your child doesn’t go rummaging spring in his trousers? My kids don’t come in my bedroom at all unless it’s to ask me something, they certainly don’t just come in whoever they feel like it and go through dirty washing!

The only thing I can see here is that he lied to you about that he bought viagra, did he tell you he lost it?

He sounds like a waste of space, sitting around taking pills and wanking and not bothering to even tidy up? Get rid.

Tweetingmagpie...thank you for this. This is pretty much the page that I'm on. It's the lying and a little to do with he had all day to do something that needed to be done but didn't bother.

the viagra could mean that he is not getting turned on as easily by the porn, so needs a chemical helping hand. This is concerning because it signals that he is heading down the porn addiction route and, if the viagra stops working, is likely to go searching for bigger thrillls in order to get aroused.
It also means that it is likely that your sex life will suffer as a result. Either death grip issues, so he cant finish, or erectile dysfunction or needing you to push your boundaries.
There is alot of evidence of the harm that compulsive porn use has on men and their ability to connect intimately / lose empathy/ become sociopathic as a result to the increasing sensitisation to ever more explicit material to get the porn high.

But practically ?? To have left a disgusting mess, as well as not having addressed the state of the house, is horribly disrespectful. Im not surprised that his planned day of wank to the expense of equal responsibility for the home doesnt sit easy with you.

Fucking hell, some peoples' low standards never fail to amaze me. You barely know this guy, who turns out to be some sleazy porn-addicted wanker (literally) yet move you and your child with him (it felt 'right') and he hangs round watching porn and using Viagra and you're still kind of okay with all this (because you have no intention of leaving)? That's so many shades of fucked up it's unreal.

You're not a 'little family unit', you don't know this guy and now he's showing you he's a sleazebag.