To come home and find...

[sashadik]

NC...you never know who's watching

Been with DP for about a year, not long I know but things have been good and we've moved it along. I'm well aware of his habits when it comes to relieving himself and to be honest I've always been fine about it, it's his private time and what he does with that time is his business within reason of course. Sometimes he's been know to take a viagra for a bit of fun when we have sex plus our sex life is pretty good and very regular. My thing is recently I've noticed he has some viagra and they kind of went missing, I believe he has just moved them so I don't see that they are being used when I'm not around. But today, after he had spent the day at home and I at work, I got in, see to my DC and then went upstairs to get cups etc. I noticed some white chalky stuff on the bedside drawers, didn't think too much of it but then moved his trousers and well, half a viagra dropped out of his work trousers. So clearly the white chalk was in fact where he'd cut the tablet in half. I'm usually pretty easygoing when it comes to wanking and watching porn but today, after finding that and knowing it's not the first time I'm struggling with something and I can't quite place what it is that isn't sitting right with me. Not to mention I just have this image of him whacking off all day and really preparing for the moment whilst doing fuck all else around the house which is in fact quite a mess. Of course, I did't mention anything to him but I certainly made him know that I was upset about something. I don't really know what I want from this post so any views will be well received.

timshelthechoice - Harsh but absolutely spot on.

I could have left it another year or even 5 and this issue still have cropped up
You can keep repeating this but it isn't true. You do get to know someone better the longer you know them. You also have more conversations about acceptable behaviour and deal breakers.
Like a PP, I'd think he was cheating rather than using it for porn.
fwiw your 'heart of hearts' means nothing. Start ignoring your heart of hearts and start thinking instead.

"because, this aside everything else is really good."

So this is worth putting up with?

Bloody hell.

If he has used cam girls before as you say above..... I’d be thinking that’s why he needed the viagra.
My ex used to ‘work from home’ sometimes, when we had toddlers. I soon realised that this was bs and in the ‘office’ he was online, wanking and doing I think poppers (?) something that had a vile chemical smell. I was wrapped up with 3 under 5’s at the time. Yes, dear reader I did LTB!!

we'd become a little family unit

I'm sorry but someone you've known less than a year is not part of your little family unit & it's downright irresponsible & selfish to force this onto your child who is no doubt too young to express their thoughts & have them taken into consideration.

He doesn't sound like someone I'd want to be part of my little family unit & certainly not someone I'd want as a role model for my children.

Unfortunately when you set your bar so low only slugs can get under it that's what you get - selfish, lazy, useless gits.

Honestly, people on here complain about their husbands' hobbies, but I'd rather my husband went off on a bike ride than took viagra and wanked all day.

I thought Viagra was a blue pill? Is it white inside, then?

I'd be wondering if the 'white powder' was something else.....

Dealing with the upfront issue here - have you asked him why he needs viagra? Especially for wanking? You say that his job is high stressed and he needs relief, but Viagra is kind of creating the need for that relief. So isn't it a bit like thinking 'I fancy a day wanking, better get some help'? Because then I'd worry about what other chemical stimulants he may decide he needs to perform ordinary tasks.

A one year relationship, one month living in his home and you've already had to have a previous discussion about webcam women?

What the can I do??

You can accept or leave.

Man masturbates shock- I am not sure who some of these Mns are but if they think their partners don't indulge then their in for a bit of a shock.
He was having some private time, we are all allowed that.
Maybe he should have cleared it up better, but to be honest I am unsure what the problem is

Ptumbi
I also thought that, immediately.

I have a different view, clearly a minority one. But basically he had a wank when everyone was out. I dont see a problem.
Ok he took part of a viagra to do it, I dont know much about viagra so maybe that's the bit I dont get. I assume he needs them to get hard so ok. If he wants to wank he has a bit to help with that. What's the issue?
I dont see how that immediately translates into hours of porn use in a drug addled haze. How messy/dirty was the house? I could easily prioritize masturbating over the dishes when the house is empty. Can do the dishes any time

It's white inside. I've checked. And have learned a few more tips about it too.

A fair few men do a thing called 'edging,' which is keeping themselves on the verge of orgasm for as long as possible, then supposedly the orgasm when they do come is stronger.

They can use Viagra as part of this. Maybe the Viagra also means they can more quickly come again.

Wanking while working from home is supposedly classic- there was a Mitchell and Webb sketch about it.

This doesn't excuse him not doing the stuff round the house of course.

What last time round said!

@HollowTalk the outcome is the same whether it is a full day of wanking, or hours of bike riding. Theyre not contributing to the running of the home.

That’s very funny. Close to home....

• the clip

Cheeseandwin5 - I totally agree and I'm normally blasé about anything like this, but for some reason though on his occasion it's not sitting right. Maybe it's just because I'm creating a whole scenario of what he was doing in my head.

How do you know they’re not contributing?

From what the op has said it’s the first time it’s happened (that she knows of) it’s not like he’s sitting home all day every day .

She said he does all the shopping and cooking, maybe there was no shopping or cooking that needed doing?

And it’s his house!

the outcome is the same whether it is a full day of wanking, or hours of bike riding.

At least wanking doesn't annoy any drivers, and it doesn't risk a life threatening accident.
And those tight cycling shorts aren't good at all for fertility.
Wanking is also cheaper, unless he abuses viagra.

I had an exbf who used Viagra and I later found out it was because he used to use cocaine.

Lasttimeround - he doesn't need viagra and to be fair the house wasn't exactly pig sty.

I think some of you posters need to calm down

Let’s remember that this guy had a day off, was completely alone and so he decided to have a few wanks in his OWN house. What is so wrong with that? Why, does taking a pill, automatically make him a sleazebag? Even the tablet.. I think there’s more chances of pigs flying than the OP’s child finding half a tablet in this mans trousers don’t you? I mean.. do your kids go into other people’s bedrooms and search through other people’s trouser pockets? If so I suggest you start teaching your kids some ground rules

Besides I’m pretty sure if this was a woman enjoying private time several times a day while she was home alone you would all be saying she’s entitled to do it

The only thing I’d be pissed off with is the evidence lying around that he’d been having a wank. That’s just unhygienic

I also don’t understand the cam girl situation from what I gather you’ve only ever had a conversation where you said you wouldn’t be okay with him doing that and he said he wouldn’t do it anyway. So why the automatic assumption that’s what he’s been doing? Unless he has history for watching and paying cam girls I don’t quite understand..

Loveablers

I think some of you posters need to calm down

I agree. But it makes for an interesting read how venomous people can be.