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Original poster

He hasn't spoke ...would yo bother texting him?

145 replies

sunshineonarsinyday · 09/10/2019 18:20

Guy I'm seeing it's always on his terms.
When he wants to chat I drop everything and I'm there.
Last week he was really chatty this week it's like I'm constantly chasing him to talk.
Today he didn't say a word so I text him at 4pm and he gave me two word replies so I jokingly said "ha ha man of many words"
He replied ..my battery is really low and work is manic ..
I replied .."oh no hope it flys over "
He read and didn't reply
(Has been on WhatsApp all the time so clearly not that manic )
What was his excuse yesterday and Monday.
Basically it's me most of the time initiating conversation
He finishes work at 7
Would you text again later ?
Or wait for him to text me now?

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 10/10/2019 09:32

Sometimes I think he must talk to a few girls and it's whoever gets his attention that day
Spot on OP.
He's not that into you and you are not a priority to him.
So stop making him YOUR priority.
All this angst so early on!
Blowing hot and cold.
Who can be bothered with that.
Stop being so available.
Stop chasing him to talk.
No-one likes 'needy' and 'clingy' which is how you will be coming off.
Just ignore him for the day and see what happens.
But honestly..... He's a head-fuck. Dump him - NEXT >>>>>

MsPavlichenko · 10/10/2019 09:40

Stop wondering /overthinking. Stop stalking him on SM. You'll drive yourself mad. And him too probably.

LonginesPrime · 10/10/2019 09:46

Oh, and also:

It makes me feel shitty when we have days Like this.
I feel invisible today

Why are you defining your whole existence and self-worth by reference to what a guy you've known for all of five minutes thinks of you????

??????

WeAreStardustWeAreGolden · 10/10/2019 09:48

He's playing you.

chemicalworld · 10/10/2019 09:51

Also I use whatsapp for work too as its speedier than work. He might be playing you, he might genuinely be busy. Whatever, the fact you base your existence arou d waiting for this man to text tells me you need a bit more in your life. Do your own thing, don't concentrate on him especially over thinking when he is likely genuinely busy at work!

chemicalworld · 10/10/2019 09:52

Speedier than e mail i meant!

LemonPrism · 10/10/2019 09:52

Well I don't text people at work because I don't have time. Leave him alone til after 7 in future

JoyTurner · 10/10/2019 09:53

I really don’t mean to be harsh, but you are coming across desperate. Dropping everything for him, analysing when he’s online, constant messaging.
Work on your social life and stop looking at your phone. If he wants to find time for you, he will.

AmIThough · 10/10/2019 09:57

I think you're overthinking this a lot. He doesn't need to speak to you all the time.

He probably is busy with work. He probably gets home and just wants a bath and some tea.

He messaged you first today. I think you just need conversation more than he does. It's still early days. Please don't worry.

I've been with DP 6 years and he'll talk to his friends on WhatsApp but forget to reply to me. It doesn't mean anything.

Rachelover60 · 10/10/2019 09:57

Leave him alone, he is probably not nearly as keen as you but if he is, texting all the time is a bit childish. I'm presuming you're not teenagers.

There are other fish in the sea you know.

LemonPrism · 10/10/2019 09:59

And yes you sound like a desperate 14 yo. Adults don't, or shouldn't, analyse this much just from texting. He might not be into you or he might just communicate less than you.

You won't know so just chill out. Why are you bothering at all when clearly you're not enjoying this time. It's early days there shouldn't be this much angst.

Asking if you've done something wrong or if everything's ok is manipulative and makes you seem psycho.

If he likes you enough he will show it

ODFOx · 10/10/2019 10:00

I think that you are massively overthinking this. He sends you messages randomly when he's thinking of you and is free to do so, but doesn't engage when he's busy. Isn't that actually painfully normal?
You've been on 8 dates, and are still at the casual fun stage. He's still texting just not as frequently as you.
Just enjoy his company when you are together and stress less when you aren't. Are your responsibilities very different? It sounds as if you have a lot more free time in the working day than him, which may be impacting on your perception of communications during the day generally.
Are you even at the point of being exclusive yet?

Sarcelle · 10/10/2019 10:08

This phrase is useful for many different types of relationship- never make somebody a priority in your life when you are just an option in theirs

Never chase anybody, it's forced and you are putting all the power in their hands. You are coming across as desperate and needy which can also be a turn off. But he sounds like he likes you dangling on a string. Cut the string.

Bluntness100 · 10/10/2019 10:13

Op, ignore those who are telling uou he's not into uou, they are just shit stirring, they have no way of knowing his thoughts.

His behaviour is totally normal. You've only had eight dates. You hardly know each other, he doesn't need to be texting all the time.

The issue here is your behavuour. It is desperate. Are you like this in every relationship or just this one? Do you understand why you behave like this?

He is clearly aware there is an issue, sending pics of his battery life is not normal, it's like he is having to prove it to you. Same with the pic of him at his desk. Like you need to know what he's doing and why he's not responding to you and he knows it.

This will push someone away. No one likes that kind of controlling needy behaviour. As said, you need to try to be more breezy, or pretend you are, and to try to understand what's behind your reactions.

Idontwanttotalk · 10/10/2019 10:27

Why the heck are you texting him when he's at work and told you he's busy? He told you work was manic and his battery was low so you made a comment and you then still expected him to reply to that. You don't listen to what he is saying.

"Last week he was really chatty this week it's like I'm constantly chasing him to talk.'
Constantly chasing someone to talk will not be endearing you to him. It's a bit intense.

"Basically it's me most of the time initiating conversation"
Then back off and see if he contacts you. It all sounds so juvenile.

How old are you both and how often do you see him?

TetherEndReached · 10/10/2019 10:32

Agree with Mermaidsinthesand
If this were a man doing what the op is doing, others' replies would be very different.

Idontwanttotalk · 10/10/2019 10:37

He has sent you a screenshot of his battery being low and this morning sent you a picture of him at his desk? Wtaf?

Clearly something has gone on where he feels he has to prove to you that he is telling the truth. He shouldn't feel he has to do that.

You do come across as very immature and I think you should just back off and leave him alone.

This isn't going to end well.

Original poster
sunshineonarsinyday · 10/10/2019 10:49

@Bluntness100 my last relationship I wasn't like this,then he ghosted me after 6 months.
It's no excuse but now if he doesn't text I think "oh god he's doing the same"
So I text to make sure he is still there.
I really don't know why he sent me a pic of his battery low..that was a bit weird I thought.

OP posts:
Original poster
sunshineonarsinyday · 10/10/2019 10:50

@Idontwanttotalk I really don't know why he felt the need to screenshot his battery low.
Maybe to prove he was telling the truth.
I didn't say I don't believe you.
I thought that was odd

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 10/10/2019 10:51

Guy I'm seeing it's always on his terms

Read that again and again until it sinks in, OP. Why would you want a relationship with someone when it's always on his terms? You can do much better than that. There are decent men out there and they won't mess with your mind like this one does.

Original poster
sunshineonarsinyday · 10/10/2019 10:52

@be@Idontwanttotalk he always texts when he's at work and because he is always on WhatsApp I didn't think anything of texting him.

OP posts:
chemicalworld · 10/10/2019 11:14

Is he messing with her mind though, or is he just exhausted from having a demanding job and working till 7pm?! I got home last night and could barely muster a hug for my boyfriend and he was right there. Like I say, I also use whatsapp for work as it is so much easier.

You are 8 dates in, I dont think this is right for you really, or him. You also need to have a bit more going on in your own life I would say. I'm not meeaning to be harsh but it's not ideal to be overthinking like this. Don;t invest so heavily initially around a man, what else do you have going on?

HollowTalk · 10/10/2019 11:20

He didn't start work until 11 am, @chemicalworld.

chemicalworld · 10/10/2019 11:26

and? He's quite entitled to do whatever he might need to do in that time. They aren't in an established relationship.

Original poster
sunshineonarsinyday · 10/10/2019 11:27

It was a 11am start and not one text between 7am and 11am then if I hadn't text him at 3pm it would have been nothing.

OP posts:
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