Habit of ignoring

[ApplePie99]

Hi! I'm just after a bit of advice really. I've been with my DP for just under three years. We don't live together, but do spend as much time as we can together (as much as work, kids, activities allow). Both have kids (not together). As far as a partner goes, he is great. I won't list his qualities but he's never given me any problems! Amazing with my kids too.

I'm just a little confused about something that happens now and again. If I can think back it probably happens about 3 or 4 times a year. We never argue, but on occasion he hasn't liked something that has happened and then decided to just ignore me. When I say something that has happened, I mean a bit of a disagreement on something (which like i said, doesn't happen a lot).

On the occasions when this happens, I don't hear from him, so I will usually end up texting him and trying to sort things out. Which normally works. These silences have lasted between a few hours or a week or so.

This has happened today after a minor disagreement last night . I haven't done my usual texting him first to try and get things back to normal, but have instead text him and said along the lines of text me when you decide to grow up because I can't be doing with people that have tantrums etc.

I'm now wondering whether I shouldn't have text him this, as last night could have been my fault (who knows, I wasn't expecting to fall out over such a little thing)? This doesn't happen a lot so maybe I shouldn't have said anything like this? I'm just confused and thinking maybe I should apologise for sending that message

@AutumnCrow Yes one of the plane tickets has my name on it, everything was just booked by him

@eddielizzard I think he'd think I was joking if I asked him to get the food as a thank you! And once he realised I wasn't, Ive no idea what he'd do! Sulk probably

Get the boarding pass and let him start talking to you first. If he doesn't, go on holiday with, or without him....

Really agree with PPs.
You've got a selfish, controlling fucker in the works and you are pandering to him. Selfish for expecting you to provide food and cook for him. Controlling because he manipulates you with his sulks and silences; and you are letting him.
It'll be a lot worse if he moves in with you.
Do not give up your financial security for this man.

Your children haven't seen you argue but they have seen you treat a selfish man as if he were a god.

There's an old piece of advice that used to be given to girls: If you want to know what a man is truly like, say no to him then don't back down

For a start, stop cooking the selfish man man's dinner for free for him.

Yeah cool, I never saw my mother and her disgusting choices of boyfriends/husbands argue in front of me either, but I certainly absorbed the gaslighting, stonewalling, hissed contempt, walking on eggshells, rage, feeling unsafe in my home, pandering to some dude, trying to protect my mother, being sexually abused by a man from infancy onwards, made to know that accepting abuse and garbage behaviour is What We Do. Not arguing in front of them is the least of your worries. At best, you’ve forced some shit abuser into your kids life to show their developing brains what relationships look like. But hey, let’s analyse your boyfriends words and holiday details, that’s the important stuff? You can at least keep your relationship with your stonewalling boyfriend entirely separate to your kids, that should have always been the case.

He has a boarder line personality disorder. Can't stand confrontation or being told he is wrong. He will never stop doing this as they never see anything they do as wrong. Otherwise lovely people.
Been there done that.
Get out while you can it will never get any better, and if you live with them it gets worse and worse.
Read up about BPD. But my advice is leave otherwise you will have this the rest of your life. Life is too short for this.

OP, I don't think you want to hear what is being said here.
As a complete outsider, it's very difficult, no, impossible to see what he brings to your life.

Personally, I feel life is too short to be dealing with an adult who tantrums to get their own way. We get one shot at life. Is this really how you want to spend yours?

What matters to him is that you have learned your lesson

^ this with bells on.

@GormlessLeech

Well she said 👍

He won’t change. Just get rid and stop exposing your children to this abusive man. Try the Freedom program

I'm not sure why you are with him. Every time he doesn't get his own way, he ignores you until you cave in and then he acts as if nothing happens. He never contributes to your food bill (apart from the odd takeaway) and never cooks for you at his using 'it's not his house's as an excuse. Sounds like a tight arsehole to me.

Never had a thread resonated me more

OP you may actually be dating my ex

Please put your sanity and happiness before this sully child x

Bangs head on wall

He won't contact you before the holiday if you don't contact him. In his mind, you losing out on your holiday is punishment for whatever misdemeanour he thinks you've committed. If you apologise to him before you go on holiday, he will act as though nothing has happened, because - as I said in an earlier post - he doesn't think he's done anything wrong.

This will keep happening - honestly, I've seen it time and time again. You need to break the cycle.

Sending you good thoughts and strength though. I know it's not easy

It sounds like you know there's no future on this relationship. How long do you want to keep being used?

"He has a habit of getting moody if I bring up anything to do with his 'behaviour' so I don't usually"

Can you elaborate on this @Fuzzyplant100? You shouldn't ever have to justify your behaviour on account of him, although I get the feeling you do?

Zombie

My friend's grandfather did this to her grandmother for 2 years straight. She had a complete mental breakdown because of it.

I'm sure he's not that extreme but beware.