She used to finish with me all the time - so I took control and she flipped

[Jasonmd]

So I am 50 (M) own my own house have 2 Boys (1 x 19) lives with me and a 15y (M) dual custody - Relationship would of been 7 years this month - I have faced the make up break cycle for the last 7 years ( I never knew about this cycle until now) The last time was recently when she said it was over again - and then asked me the following day if I wanted her to stay the night - I said do what you want- I had reached my tipping point - I felt numb inside - Now looking back I can see the damage the make up break up cycle does in a relationship - you go up and down the scale -
My GF had been living with me in the house for the last year and paid no rent no money towards bills - my fault I know - Our wages are so different that I could afford to do this -

The crunch came was when she asked me - "What happens if you die?" out of the blue - Possibly becuase a married friend of hers with children the husband passed away at an early age. This got her thinking.
I was numb when she asked all I could answer was the truth - I have a will and the house goes to my boys - "well what about me was the answer?" I seriously could not answer it as I was so stuck down-
I tried in vain to find my own solution to keep her happy give her the security she needed - (BTW she has no assets - is now back at her mum and dads and does not pay rent there either)

I was asked several times again - what happens if you die - I still had no answer - only later did I come up with a solution which would of been extra life insurance to help her move or buy a place if I died.

It reached a point after she stayed away two nights that I packed all her stuff up and took it back to her Mum and Dads - her mum was cool and understood. I then emailed her to tell her that as you had broken up with me and I was going away on business for over a month. I have moved your stuff back to your mums...

You can imagine the voicemails I got -

Since then we have been back in communication and I do love the good bits of us - However the main question I want to ask is

Security? It means something different for me becuase of my childhood and I will protect my children first. This was part of the reason I moved her stuff out - as I really did not want my 19 yr old have to face being with her whilst away.

Am I being unreasonable in what I did?

I know she had some money saved for a flat once and spent it partying or the excuse I got was she lent it to an ex and he never re paid her - I dont know what to believe about it this one now as I only found this out from her mum?

So I am confused?

If we did get back together she is saying she wants to get married now?

I would only do this with a pre nup now?

Or should I just walk away and think as much as I still love her - I have to protect my children and my own mental health-

Holidays -

WOW Yes when I took the boys away over xmas and new year - as it was my time to have them, she dumped me again via phone whilst at the airport. I have just remembered this - as this was already about the 4/5 th time I just ignored it - turned my phone off for the whole holiday and had a completly great time with my two sons. BUT the aim was to make me miserable on holiday - Sorry that is not going to work - even back then - the make up break cycle had already lost its own power by then as I never knew if she really meant it.

Thanks for taking the time to write - its easily missed as you end up wieghing the good things over the bad - but the selfishness and jealousy I now see looking back over my relationship with my two sons is evident.

Funny even throwing teddies out the pram when I was organising a party for the boys - causing a scene or saying she would not be around and a lot of the time she went back to her mothers.

So I am usually left to clear up another party by myself but the boys friends were so good they generally helpes - SO what was the big issue again? Attempting to make me feel like shit...

I seriously dont get people like this at all?

Tantrum - it was more her choice of words - thats it we are over - I cannot handle you and the boys .

Wanted her cake and everyone elses looking back -

Luckily I guess the boys never really took to her and probably thats why there has never been a bond between them.

They have had some good times but we have done nothing as a unit ever - not that I can remember probably one or two meals in 7 years.

Anyway its good to look back and see and hopefully this can give others strength that it is not healthy and it can become toxic in the end.

You sound really sorted OP but I will still say this. In a month you will look back and wonder what the hell you were thinking. I was you. I went through similar for four years. The only time the relationship had any value was when we had just got back together. Once I had realised there was a proper cycle and it wasn't me driving it, I sort of took a step back and observed. Me stepping back made him realise he was losing his charm for me and he became abusive and I left but the whole thing was abusive in reality. The to and fro wrecks your melon. A few weeks later, I was looking back and wondering why I had tolerated it for so long. It took me a long time to feel normal though. I now have zero tolerance of dramatic people.

Thanks for that and I really didnt know about the whole make up break up cycle and its devasting affect it has on the other person.

I just knew in my heart one day I will know when I have had enough and did - and look what happened - she flipped - she lost control of our relationship -

Not only that I ,moved her stuff out - I am a pretty laid back guy and so far its not wrecked my melon - or I dont think it has????????

Maybe my melon was wrecked anyway?

I think we tolerated it for so long because other things were good - hard to say - make up break sex -

Anyway thankyou for sharing