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Original poster

New BF weird about surprise sleepover

123 replies

anotherglass · 07/10/2019 15:51

I have been seeing a guy for 2 months now and we will a fair distance apart, so do not have the opporutnity very often to stay with eachother during the week. Last week I had a work trip where he lived and was late in the afternoon allowed time off that the next day.
During the evening I said that I could stay overnight with him. He was a little taken aback but said OK and I stayed over and had a good night and morning. We agreed to go out for dinner this week to celebrate his birthday. However he can be quite funny about gifts and just texted me to say 'no presents and no surprise sleepovers". I am a bit taken aback by the suprise sleepover and am not sure how to respond. Anyone have suggestions about why he may have said this? We cannot speak properly until later this evening.

OP posts:
BarbarAnna · 07/10/2019 15:54

Oh dear. That sounds a bit worrying and not sure what to make of it.

Bluntness100 · 07/10/2019 15:55

Well clearly he doesn't like you sleeping over at your request.

Do you often stay, or was this a one off, does he stay at yours?

Original poster
anotherglass · 07/10/2019 15:56

This was a one-off. I happened to find out very late in the day that I could spend the night.

OP posts:
PatriciaHolm · 07/10/2019 15:59

Hmm. I would be assuming there are things at his house he hides when you come round (stuff belonging to another woman maybe?)...

Ilovefishcakes201 · 07/10/2019 15:59

Have you tried to ask him with why no ‘surprise sleep over’?

CuriousaboutSamphire · 07/10/2019 16:00

Text back...

No dinner... no celebration.. no relationship... bye!

After 2 months he should be delighted at a surprise sleepvoer or be able to explain why he isn't in a much more adult manner than that!

Does he actualy want you to travel, have diner, maybe get a little drunk and then go home - on his birthday!?

Aquamarine1029 · 07/10/2019 16:02

There's another woman. I would be binning him off and getting an STI check if I were you.

Original poster
anotherglass · 07/10/2019 16:04

We just had a little text exchange. He says it was a lack of notice. He doesn't want suprise sleepovers.

OP posts:
CuriousaboutSamphire · 07/10/2019 16:06

Really? Please rethink this! After just 2 months he shouldn't be pushing you away!

Aquamarine1029 · 07/10/2019 16:06

Red flags are waving for me. Other women, controlling, or both. You can do better.

Bluntness100 · 07/10/2019 16:07

So you don't usually spend the night together?

AutumnCrow · 07/10/2019 16:09

Maybe he needs time to tidy up / tidy himself up / hide incriminating evidence

DoctorAllcome · 07/10/2019 16:10

Personally, if I had a bf of 2 months, I would think it cheeky if he just showed up one afternoon and expected to stay the night. I happen to like my privacy and time to myself.

TheQueef · 07/10/2019 16:11

Sleepovers?
He sounds 12.

Original poster
anotherglass · 07/10/2019 16:14

"Personally, if I had a bf of 2 months, I would think it cheeky if he just showed up one afternoon and expected to stay the night. I happen to like my privacy and time to myself."

I didn't just show up. We were out for a meal and at the end of the evening I said I could stay over, if that was convenient. I did not demand to stay. He agreed.

OP posts:
chipsandgin · 07/10/2019 16:15

‘sleepover’ = weird, unless he’s 12 in which case that’s the least of your problems! As for his attitude, it’s odd - he doesn’t sound that into you or he’s got issues which are showing themselves early. I’d be running for the hills personally & finding a man who was spontaneous, fun and didn’t come up with odd rules two months in!

BlockedandDeleted · 07/10/2019 16:18

I said I could stay over, if that was convenient. I did not demand to stay. He agreed.

So you put him on the spot and now he's just making sure you don't play the same trick?

I'm with DoctorAllCome, my space and privacy is very important to me and I would want to be with someone who respects my boundaries.

I think you need to respect his, two month is only a few weeks.

Ilovetea33 · 07/10/2019 16:19

I had a boyfriend like that once. Turned out he was seeing another woman at the same time.

ComtesseDeSpair · 07/10/2019 16:19

But if sort of out him on the spot in a position of having to say yes, even if it wasn’t convenient or he wasn’t in the mood.

I know we have this societal assumption that all men are always up for sex at the drop of a hat and that any man who wouldn’t want an unexpected nighttime guest must be already married or gay; but it’s entirely possible he’s telling the truth here. Whether it’s the sort of dynamic you want in a relationship is up to you - it’s fine if you aren’t and choose to end things as a result.

CatPunsFreakMeowt · 07/10/2019 16:19

Most men would be overjoyed at the chance for you to sleep over. I’d maybe consider looking for someone kinder and more into the relationship.

NameChangeNugget · 07/10/2019 16:21

Some people don’t react well with spontaneity and need order and rules.

Maybe you’re just unsuited?

Pinkbonbon · 07/10/2019 16:21

Was his house messy when he showed up?

I was tempted to say 'he's picked a gf that lives far away from him and doesn't want any surprise visits because he has another woman or two on the go too'.

But if it were me, I woulnt want some guy I had only being seeing two months turning up at my place out of the blue or on short notice. Firstly because I would want to tidy the place (and beautify myself too) first and secondly, because personally I need a lot of personal time and space and although I'd care deeply for a partner, that wouldn't change. Some days I just don't feel like seeing anyone (or sharing my comfy bed haha) it's nothing personal.

I say just ask him. Has he confirmed you two are exclusive? Have you met any of his friends and fam?

Pinkbonbon · 07/10/2019 16:22

*when you showed up

Original poster
anotherglass · 07/10/2019 16:23

He had a late night the evening before our date and told me he was not up for any action, as he wanted to go home to sleep. He said that I had put him on the spot and he was awkward. We went back to the flat and we read then went to bed.

OP posts:
thesunwillout · 07/10/2019 16:26

Sounds joyless