How to cope with feelings of inferiority and jealousy

[lickencivers]

That's it really. I've felt massively resentful of my partners ex wife and tuts spilled into me projecting that into my step children.

I've realised it's jealousy on my part and deep insecurity and feeling inadequate.

I'm sad that she doesn't work and gets to be a sahm even though her Dc are at full time school and I have to leave my children and very small baby and work nights meaning I'm exhausted and feel constantly in the back foot and playing catch up where she gets 5 hours a day to clean and sew badges into kids uniforms and do stuff.

She's always so well put together and gets time to bake. I feel guilty about the disparity between my children, my child with DP and his children with her. There's a massive difference in finance available, time etc

I'm jealous. It's not attractive. DP won't say no to her so I feel left. Since our baby has been born she's got worse and more demanding. For example she insists he goes to hers to drop things off etc and she hasn't gone longer than 48 hours without seeing him in the last few weeks. Meaning he isn't here. He runs around after his 2 children even though she doesn't work - he does clubs after school because she can't cope doing it as apparently their Dc behaviour is too naughty for her to take them on her own.

That is paying his share of bills which is different to sharing money with you.

For example, he could earn 5k pm, give ex 1.2k, 2k to your joint account and have 1.8k to himself while you return to work while baby is a few weeks old because you cannot afford to cover the cost of your kids, car etc.

In that scenario it wouldn’t be the ex at fault but him for being selfish.

I would cut down my hours and say you need more time at home. If you aren't then eligible for tax credits then your DH will have to contribute more. I think some of your unhappiness is steaming from being over worked.

You are not his priority and he is unlikely to change because he doesn't want to.
You can change:

1. Drop hours and ask him to add more into joint account
2. Are you financially better off if you leave him? (In which case do this before a decade of resentment builds)

You just have to swallow it. My partners ex is an absolute pain in the arse and an abusive one at that.

Current main complaint with her is her constantly asking us for money to fund basic stuff (on top of the third of my partners wage she gets) but off out buying a horse.

She knows better than to sniff around us in person though because it never ends well for her. Plus she doesnt like having to lie her way out of things now her kids are old enough to talk (usually results in her looking a twat these days when she tries to manipulate them. Current efforts are being put into forcing two of the children to say they want the horse shes just bought in front of us. Because she wants to look like shes not lying when the kids tell us they actually dont like or want the horse and the eldest only ever said she might like one once to shut her up and is now too terrified to say she doesnt want it).

Also please dont class yourself as having jealousy issues. It's not you with the issue its someone behaving like a twat. She is trying to assert her and her childs position by taking up energy and being a constant presence. She is presumably supported financially by your husband in order to maintain her stay at home mum lifestyle.

Suggest he drops hours in order to accomodate her aswell as the new baby. Of course this will mean a drop in maintenance.

If this isnt agreeable to her then your husband will simply have to keep his working hours and her use the whole day she has whilst her child is ag school to organise her day to day life like a the grown up she apparently is.