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Original poster

Period etiquette. New bloke. Fucking hell.

131 replies

ChippyPickledEggs · 03/10/2019 12:25

I have a new friend. He is very new. We are still just getting to know eachother fairly casually, although things look tentatively promising.

My kids are going for a rare weekend away with their father and so he is coming to stay. We're looking forward to it. Yay.

Except my period started today. Saturday will be the second full day so I will still be bleeding fairly heavily. Personally I'm still happy to have sex but I realise some men don't enjoy it, especially with such a new partner.

When do I share this information? Expressly giving him the option not to come seems a bit Hmm - I mean hopefully we would enjoy eachothers company anyway? But then again... shouting SURPRISE! just as the knickers come off seems a bit off too...

I dunno. I've been out of the game for too long. Help me Mumsnet.

OP posts:
donethinkin · 03/10/2019 12:29

Oh god. That’s a tough one! Do you have to have sex? Is that on the cards for sure? You could always do the UTI excuse thing. If it was me I’d be up front...i would message “looking forward to seeing you this weekend but just so you know i came on today so it will be a snuggles only weekend. Are you still keen to come?” To be honest this might be a good way to see if he’s a keeper or not

Coffeeandchocolate9 · 03/10/2019 12:32

What @donethinkin said. It'll be a good test of his character, if he wants to still come or not Smile

golddigger79 · 03/10/2019 12:36

Beppy Tampons? Get the wet/lubricated ones. Amazon have them on Prime, he need never know. Getting them out again can be a pain for some women, I always used to have to sit in the bath for a bit first. Don't forget you have it in and leave it there!

Then again, he probably won't care. I have met very few men who care about this.

Otterhound · 03/10/2019 12:38

I’d just text and say bollocks my period’s just put in an appearance but I still like to see you.

It wouldn’t bother me and I would still turn up even if there was no shagging. You can still do other stuff if he doesnt fancy it.

WispyTurnip · 03/10/2019 12:39

But I think the issue is that the OP still wants to have sex, potentially, she's just trying to gauge whether he's up for it or not, at some point before she gets naked...

NaviSprite · 03/10/2019 12:41

Honestly I’m one of those women who doesn’t have any issue talking about periods so in your situation I’d just tell him.

I don’t know how well you know him or what your dynamic is like with each other, but I’ve often thought candour is the best approach.

Something like “really looking forward to seeing you this weekend and wouldn’t you know it, my period (or what other name you might use like Aunt Flo) has decided to start!” You can message him, call him, tell him in person. If the weekend is expressly because you both fancy a bit of intimacy that is.

However if it’s not been discussed that sex is definitely on the cards maybe tell him when he arrives? I’ve often used how men react to my period as a bit of a barometer for maturity.

When DH and I started dating he was a perfect gentleman and didn’t try to initiate anything but kissing/holding hands so I took the dive and prepared myself accordingly (nice underwear rather than my usual granny pants and comfy bra, spruced up a bit etc.) and on the day I started my period and was due to meet him straight after work for a drink or two before I’d suggest going back to mine or his... I was very annoyed but went for it anyway. Told him during our drinks together that my period had started so I felt a bit bloated and meh. He didn’t even bat an eyelid and so I went back to his. We kissed, cuddled etc but he said he wasn’t comfortable having sex whilst I was on my period. So we watched a movie together and fell asleep.

After a bit of education on periods (as he had only known the bare minimum) he gradually became more comfortable with them, now if the mood hits and Aunt Flo is visiting (and for me the mood hits strong towards the end) we go ahead (with appropriate contraception/condoms of course).

Original poster
ChippyPickledEggs · 03/10/2019 12:42

Sex is definitely on the cards Donethinkin - I was looking forward to that part! And personally, I'd still be happy to. But obviously I don't want him to feel uncomfortable.

OP posts:
AnchorDownDeepBreath · 03/10/2019 12:42

“looking forward to seeing you this weekend but just so you know i came on today so it will be a snuggles only weekend. Are you still keen to come?”

If you do that, you're not leaving him much room to say that he's alright with period sex... you pretty much close down the option.

Do you not just chat? Does it need to be formal? I think I told my fiance when he asked how I was... "yeah fine, came on today so starving as usual" or something, I'd imagine!

Original poster
ChippyPickledEggs · 03/10/2019 12:45

We do just chat. But we don't know eachother very well yet.

OP posts:
DiscoDown · 03/10/2019 12:46

I had this when I'd just started sleeping with my boyfriend, I still went round and just dropped it into the conversation I'd come on the day before. He wasn't bothered, we still had sex (with a towel down!), I was quite impressed with his reaction (ex was "eww, periods"). Good luck!

cultkid · 03/10/2019 12:47

Text him and say "got my period, no wonder I've been grumpy this week" see what he says
I don't know god I always have sex on my period with my husband we did from really early on I felt so comfortable with him I think he probably initiated it and I would have said I am bleeding and he said something along the lines of if you are comfortable I am too

SBD1 · 03/10/2019 12:48

When I started dating my boyfriend, I remember the 3rd time we shared a bed it was Shark Week, we hadn't slept together yet and I literally said "I'd totally sleep with you but its shark week" so we just made out like horny teenagers for a loooong time.

Second time it was Shark Week he asked me how strict Shark Week Ban was and I said, hey no Ban from me I was thinking of you! And then.....well. Sex on Shark Week!

Original poster
ChippyPickledEggs · 03/10/2019 12:50

Shark week Grin

OP posts:
AFistfulofDolores1 · 03/10/2019 12:51

If you're having sex, then you really should be able to talk about this frankly and openly.

"I'll have my period when I see you next. How do you feel about sex when I'm bleeding?"

Original poster
ChippyPickledEggs · 03/10/2019 12:53

Yeah I know Fistful - it's not like we're both teenagers anymore.

How about: "If you decide not to come I'll throw my tampon at you."

Not appropriate?

OP posts:
crappyday2018 · 03/10/2019 12:54

I think you just have to bite the bullet and tell him straight. Just text him and say "I'm really looking forward to you staying over this weekend Wink although I've started my period. I hope it doesn't put you off!"

Simple as that. Rip off the plaster and see how he reacts,

Coralfish · 03/10/2019 12:58

If it was me I would not want to tell him before hand and there is loads of potential for misunderstanding - he might think you don't want to come round/ worry that it will be bad if he still comes but doesn't have sex/ if he genuinely had to cancel for an emergency you would think it was because of the period.

I would tell a little white lie, and at some point in the evening (pre-sex!) go to the loo, and when you come back say 'bollocks, just started my period. I wondered why I was feeling so bloated/hungry/stressed.' Much easier to suss out the sex situation in person after a couple of glasses of wine.

ComtesseDeSpair · 03/10/2019 12:58

Am with @AFistfulofDolores1 on this. Don’t be coy. On our second date now-DP asked if I wanted to go back to his and I said “sure, but I have my period so as long as you’re cool with that I am”. He wasn’t at all bothered, just made a joke about a crime scene and we put a towel down. I’ve never met a man who was hugely bothered by it to be honest. But Beppy / Joy Division soft tampons as recc’ed above are definitely your friends.

TheOrigBrave · 03/10/2019 12:58

I think you need to be honest about how you feel. If he's a dick about it then he can stroll on can't he.

raspberryk · 03/10/2019 12:58

"oh bugger, my period has excellent timing as per, I feel a takeaway coming - feel free to bring chocolate"

shearwater · 03/10/2019 12:59

I honestly wouldn't say anything until there is a chance of sex and then mention it casually.

messolini9 · 03/10/2019 13:03

I don't see the need to make an awkward announcement ahead of new bloke's arrival. Surely it's much simpler & more natural to simply let him know what time of the month it is when you are relaxing together at your house, OP?

It's a 1 in 4 chance that you are going to be 'on', it's a natural occurence that you don't need to "manage for him". A casual mention as you are e.g. cuddling on the sofa will open the way for you both to state how you feel about proceeding.

It's easy to agonise over something like this as an effect of being 'out of the game' ... but New Bloke will have encountered a menstruating woman before! So I would suggest putting any worry to one side, & simply informing him as it becomes relevant He will certainly let you know when he wants to carry on. Have fun!

PepePig · 03/10/2019 13:03

I'd just casually mention when he's there that it's decided to arrive and laugh it off. Obviously, you can still do other things with him, but at least then he has the option when you're in bed together of either just sticking to oral/teasing, or he might just say "fuck it, let's have sex". Just make it clear that if you are in bed together that you really want to have sex with him, he might suggest it himself. And if he doesn't, then just wait for next time.

category12 · 03/10/2019 13:06

I like coralfish's approach. I do think there's potential for messaging to be taken as a put-off.

And personally, I wouldn't be interested in a man who is funny about periods. So good way to test his attitudes. (Not saying period sex is necessarily a dealbreaker, but if he's weird about periods generally. Don't want someone who makes you feel icky for being a woman.)

PhilomenaButterfly · 03/10/2019 13:07

I'd say "Just to let you know, my period's started." Then see what he says.