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Original poster

Period etiquette. New bloke. Fucking hell.

131 replies

ChippyPickledEggs · 03/10/2019 12:25

I have a new friend. He is very new. We are still just getting to know eachother fairly casually, although things look tentatively promising.

My kids are going for a rare weekend away with their father and so he is coming to stay. We're looking forward to it. Yay.

Except my period started today. Saturday will be the second full day so I will still be bleeding fairly heavily. Personally I'm still happy to have sex but I realise some men don't enjoy it, especially with such a new partner.

When do I share this information? Expressly giving him the option not to come seems a bit Hmm - I mean hopefully we would enjoy eachothers company anyway? But then again... shouting SURPRISE! just as the knickers come off seems a bit off too...

I dunno. I've been out of the game for too long. Help me Mumsnet.

OP posts:
raspberryk · 03/10/2019 15:17

I think some of you may be exaggerating with the amount of mess you'd incur but I guess you've never 'had period sex', not sure how I'd not for 5/6 days out of 26 but hey ho.
Shark week is brilliant.

womenspeakout · 03/10/2019 15:45

I think some of you may be exaggerating with the amount of mess you'd incur but I guess you've never 'had period sex', not sure how I'd not for 5/6 days out of 26 but hey ho.

You do know every woman's cycle is completely different.

Count yourself lucky. I can't even move without bleeding, so certain things are completely out of question with me. So no, it's not exaggerating, you're one of the lucky ones, many of us aren't. A bit mean of you to suggest others exaggerate it.

JacquesHammer · 03/10/2019 15:56

*I think some of you may be exaggerating with the amount of mess you'd incur but I guess you've never 'had period sex', not sure how I'd not for 5/6 days out of 26 but hey go"

Do you not understand the menstrual cycle is different for every woman Hmm

raspberryk · 03/10/2019 15:58

I did get heavy periods and it might look like a lot but it's relatively small amounts in ml, and you don't lose blood like when you're upright and moving about.

BruceAndNosh · 03/10/2019 15:59

I'm glad to read that the OP has spoken to her new bloke, but please for the love of God, if you want to tell a bloke that you're having a period, use those words!
Not My Aunt Flo is visiting this weekend
Not it's Shark Week
Not I've been invited to The Red Wedding or I've been touched by the Red Hand of Ulster or some other bonkers obscure euphemism.
Quite a few women won't understand you, so don't expect a man who doesn't have periods to know all these twee terms.

womenspeakout · 03/10/2019 16:01

I did get heavy periods and it might look like a lot but it's relatively small amounts in ml, and you don't lose blood like when you're upright and moving about.

And that's you, it's not all women.

I lose blood moving around. All the time, every time I'm on. thanks for telling me about my own cycle though........

And mine is a lot in ML. I came on unexpectantly and my bed DID look like I had been stabbed in bed.

JacquesHammer · 03/10/2019 16:03

I did get heavy periods and it might look like a lot but it's relatively small amounts in ml, and you don't lose blood like when you're upright and moving about

No, thats YOU not all women.

Ginger1982 · 03/10/2019 16:04

"you don't lose blood like when you're upright and moving about."

I do. On my heavy days my pads are saturated come morning.

womenspeakout · 03/10/2019 16:12

No, thats YOU not all women.

The sheer naivety is staggering.

To say nobody at all loses blood when standing is crazy. Why does this poster think women can't do certain activities when they have their period? Or wear white? I guess all those women are over exaggerating.

womenspeakout · 03/10/2019 16:16

Quite a few women won't understand you, so don't expect a man who doesn't have periods to know all these twee terms.

I hate them.

We need to remove the stigma from our periods, half the population of the world have them or have had them in their lives, and we're supposed to whisper about them or use a code.

raspberryk · 03/10/2019 16:17

Some of you might want to read that again.

TheRobinIsBobbingAlong · 03/10/2019 16:39

My DDs take Norestherone on occasions - usually if they're due on during a holiday. I think the idea is that you have to start taking the tablets a certain time before your period is due. They work for as long as you keep taking them. Once you stop your period starts a few days later. It can sometimes seem slightly heavier or give you more cramps, but nothing excessive.

gnushoes · 03/10/2019 16:59

Amazed by the poster who's suggested offering anal. It's a period for God's sake. Blood. Not battery acid.

Notcoolmum · 03/10/2019 17:42

Sorry for those if you who have horrendously heavy periods. And otherwise shocked at the amount of women out off my period sex. I have a coil now so my periods are incredibly light or non existent. After about 3 months my last partner asked me what had happened to my periods!

With an old bf the second time we got together I was on. I did the pre-emptivd text thing and he took it as me not being ok with period sex. We did so much dry humping that night he chaffed his dick on my lacy underwear. When he told me he next day I was mortified and said I wouldn't have minded but assumed he didn't want to. The next time he got straight at it!!

SignedUpJust4This · 03/10/2019 17:56

Just do it anyway and afterwards stare in shock at his penis saying 'thats not my blood. Its you!'

Itll test him out

Joking of course. Tell him.

NewMe2019 · 03/10/2019 18:16

I'm surprised so many men aren't bothered by it tbh. I would if I was light, but DP really won't. His choice so I'm fine with that except I'm often climbing the walls then. It just seems a bit messy.

WispyTurnip · 03/10/2019 18:19

I did get heavy periods and it might look like a lot but it's relatively small amounts in ml, and you don't lose blood like when you're upright and moving about.

I'd always had sex while having my period, but once I hit peri-menopause and before I was prescribed transexamic acid, I was having to change maximum-absorption tampons hourly all through the night (and even then, they'd usually soaked the several maxi pads I was wearing, too). It was horrendous, and made not the slightest difference whether I was upright and dashing about or lying down and completely still. I became badly anaemic and was permanently exhausted.

Once things calmed down on the drugs (and I got my iron levels back up), I went back to having sex at all times of the month.

I do agree that we should move beyond the coy euphemisms -- 'shark week'? 'Leak week'? Or the weirdly vague ones which might legitimately baffle anyone, like 'I've come on'. To which I always want to say 'On what? A pogo stick? A folding bicycle?'

WispyTurnip · 03/10/2019 18:21

It just seems a bit messy.

Sex is inherently messy, surely, and (quite often) involves one party shooting semen into the other one, who then has to decide how to deal with said semen re-emerging sooner or later, depending on orifice...?

NewMe2019 · 03/10/2019 18:24

Good point wispy. Maybe I'll point that out to DP 😆.

Crystal87 · 03/10/2019 18:25

My DH is not really bothered by it, it's me that doesn't like it. I do have heavy periods though and it gets absolutely everywhere so I'd rather not.

SinkGirl · 03/10/2019 18:33

I really hope he isn't bothered. Not sure I want a bloke who is squeamish about women's bodies

I think that’s a bit unfair. Men’s only real direct experience of periods is through previous partners. If his previous long term partner was me (not possible, I’m married) he’d take “my period has started” to mean “she’s going to be curled up in agony for three days and flooding through pads and clothes and towels really fast, and she definitely won’t want my penis anywhere near her”.

I literally can’t think of anything I would want less during a period than sex but mine are horrific and excruciating.

Whereas a man who starts dating me after dating someone with light periods might wonder why I’m so funny about it.

We can’t blame them really. Most women seem to think their experiences of periods are universal if MN is anything to go by 🤷‍♀️

Beansandcoffee · 03/10/2019 18:34

I’ve always suffered from terrible stomach ache and blood that feels like it is pouring out that sex isn’t my first thought.

SinkGirl · 03/10/2019 18:36

I think some of you may be exaggerating with the amount of mess you'd incur but I guess you've never 'had period sex', not sure how I'd not for 5/6 days out of 26 but hey ho. Shark week is brilliant.

Point proven.

It might be brilliant for you but it’s 8+ days of flooding and agony and giant blood clots every 24 days for me.

The fact that you think I and those like me “might be exaggerating” really fucks me off. Happy to swap if you want proof.

Original poster
ChippyPickledEggs · 03/10/2019 18:39

Yes, to be fair, my period is only heavy for two or so days at the beginning, and my idea of heavy is having to change a super tampon every four hours or so (so nothing like what some other women are experiencing, clearly.) I also don't experience any pain other than very very mild cramping (if I'm busy I barely notice it.)

I get horrendous PMT some months though. But that's been and gone and as soon as my period actually starts, my mood lifts.

OP posts:
Original poster
ChippyPickledEggs · 03/10/2019 18:41

When I said I didn't want a man who was squeamish about women's bodies, I meant more the kind of man who finds anything to do with periods disgusting, as though they make women unclean.

OP posts: