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Original poster

Period etiquette. New bloke. Fucking hell.

131 replies

ChippyPickledEggs · 03/10/2019 12:25

I have a new friend. He is very new. We are still just getting to know eachother fairly casually, although things look tentatively promising.

My kids are going for a rare weekend away with their father and so he is coming to stay. We're looking forward to it. Yay.

Except my period started today. Saturday will be the second full day so I will still be bleeding fairly heavily. Personally I'm still happy to have sex but I realise some men don't enjoy it, especially with such a new partner.

When do I share this information? Expressly giving him the option not to come seems a bit Hmm - I mean hopefully we would enjoy eachothers company anyway? But then again... shouting SURPRISE! just as the knickers come off seems a bit off too...

I dunno. I've been out of the game for too long. Help me Mumsnet.

OP posts:
SpaceCadet4000 · 03/10/2019 13:08

I'd wait until the day but tell him early on so he knows. I had the tell my now DH this on the 3rd date- he just shrugged it off and we still had a great time.

Do you think you could manage a menstrual cup? You wouldn't be able to do penis in vagina sex, but could do other stuff.

EssentialHummus · 03/10/2019 13:12

I agree with crappy (or saying similar in person). Direct, to the point. I doubt he'll be bothered tbh.

PurpleFlower1983 · 03/10/2019 13:12

This happened to me with DH, I told him I would just be happy to sort him out as it was a bad time of the month for me, turned out he wasn’t bothered.

Original poster
ChippyPickledEggs · 03/10/2019 13:16

So the general consensus seems to be wait until he gets here to tell him? My only concern with that is he feels put on the spot and under pressure to be all cool about it when perhaps he isn't? Telling him over message beforehand gives him the opportunity to respond in his own time?

I really hope he isn't bothered. Not sure I want a bloke who is squeamish about women's bodies.

OP posts:
thisnamechanger · 03/10/2019 13:19

shouting SURPRISE! just as the knickers come off seems a bit off too

I would absolutely do this.

MyCatHatesEverybody · 03/10/2019 13:20

Why should he feel put under pressure, presumably he's had girlfriends before you?

formerbabe · 03/10/2019 13:20

You could always do the UTI excuse thing

Why is this preferable to just saying you have your period? Confused

crappyday2018 · 03/10/2019 13:22

Sorry but I don't agree with waiting until he's there but you have to do what you're most comfortable with.
If you don't tell him now, you are going to feel anxious about it (you already are) so for your OWN piece of mind, tell him now. It also means he's not put on the spot.
Obviously it should never be an issue anyway but if this is a new relationship then of course you will feel a bit awkward. personally I would be sitting all night worrying about when I was going to 'announce it' and that's not ideal.
Just message him tomorrow before he leaves and get it over and done with if its going to make your weekend more relaxed.

girlanonymous · 03/10/2019 13:22

Why do you even have to mention it to him at all? Why can't you just have a nice romantic weekend together? Unless he's expecting to get laid, don't mention it. Unless you really want to.

Original poster
ChippyPickledEggs · 03/10/2019 13:22

Yeah of course MyCat - he's a grown man and a father.

OP posts:
HolyheadBound · 03/10/2019 13:23

Not sure I want a bloke who is squeamish about women's bodies

And therein lies your answer.

If he has a problem, you don't want him anyway. Sod 'im

Hope you have fun OP Wink

Thegracefuloctopus · 03/10/2019 13:31

I'm sorry... People have sex when they're on?!! Surely that looks like scene from CSI Hmm

Sorry op, not helpful

formerbabe · 03/10/2019 13:34

@Thegracefuloctopus

You're easily shocked

SellmeyourMLMcrap · 03/10/2019 13:35

One up the bum? No harm done.

Seriously though, I'd just tell him now. If I was him I'd definitely prefer to know but that's not because I don't enjoy sex while my DP is on her period but I just think it's courteous? Maybe I'm nuts.

WhimToo · 03/10/2019 13:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
ChippyPickledEggs · 03/10/2019 13:36

Thegracefuloctupus - sure. I just wouldn't use my favourite bedding.

OP posts:
DamonSalvatoresDinner · 03/10/2019 13:37
  • I'm sorry... People have sex when they're on?!! Surely that looks like scene from CSI 

Sorry op, not helpful*

I thought it was just me wondering this! I mean, if you wanna then go for it but I've never even considered it during shark week. I can imagine it would look like the set of Texas Chainsaw Massacre if DH and I got down to it on shark week.

I could consider shower sex though....

ZuzuMyLittleGingersnap · 03/10/2019 13:40

You know, you might just have the opposite issue: some men take it as read (red?!) that a woman with period = automatic blowjobs for them, and get more than excited at prospect.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 03/10/2019 13:41

How about a text saying:-

“Random hypothetical question - on a scale of 1 to 10 how comfortable are you with period sex?”

Butteflyone1 · 03/10/2019 13:42

This seems so odd that you're prepared to have sex with this guy, something incredibly intimate however you don't feel comfortable talking to him - so bizarre.

I've been in this situation previously where just starting out with someone new but I've just been upfront with them. Explain you're looking forward to seeing them this weekend but FYI it's that time of the month.

No need to add anything more at this stage. I'd be a bit annoyed if I was the guy, and sex has been expected to then be surprised with that news. Always better to prepare. I've known guys with zero issue with it and I've known guys who wouldn't even see me when it was the time of the month (he was a weirdo but amazing sex!).

Have you guys slept together before?

EllenOlenska · 03/10/2019 13:43

I'm sure it will be fine but I'd tell him over the phone at least so you can hear his responsemail. I say this as I've never had an issue and never been with a bloke who did except for one. Upon hearing I'd come on the day before we had a weekend together planned, let out a massive stroppy sigh coupled with "for fucks sake!" then was very off with me the rest of the evening.
Told me all I needed to know. I never saw him that weekend (family emergency Wink) and I didn't hang around long after that.

SheepGoesBaa · 03/10/2019 13:45

Something similar happened to me when I first started dating my man. We were organising a weekend/hotel stay but I was due my period and I told him straight out that I'm due my period for then and I want to make the most of our hotel stay so the weekend we were originally looking at was out.

I like coral fish's reply here. Really I don't think there's any need for you to text or ring him ahead to tell him of your period. He could still come around and you two can relax, watch a movie and relax. Maybe consider anal. I think there's a menstrual cup where you can have sex while it's in but I don't know the name of it.

italianfiat · 03/10/2019 13:45

But we don't know eachother very well yet.

Maybe it's too soon for him to be staying over.

Original poster
ChippyPickledEggs · 03/10/2019 13:47

Ok, I messaged him.

He said it makes no odds.

So we're on.

OP posts:
TheQueef · 03/10/2019 13:47

I've got the painters in, being a change of clothes.
That should do it.

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