Hi
Two years ago my husband had an affair which resulted in the end of our marriage.
Fast forward 3 months and I became involved in a sexting relationship with a former colleague over Facebook.
This continued daily for for many months and I became emotionally attached to this man despite knowing he had a history of cheating on his wife several times over the years. He openly told me about his conquests. For whatever reason that wasn’t enough to put me off.
We met up and started seeing each other in person and I ended up pregnant with twins.
I told him about it and he said we couldn’t continue to be involved if I went ahead with the pregnancy. For weeks I went back and forth and kept changing my mind about what to do. My biggest fear was that he was lying to me and was involved with someone other than me and his wife as he had previously mentioned he had an affair that went on for years and years and said that woman had been in touch to meet up again but he declined. He came to my house, held my hand and looked into my eyes and promised me it was only me he wanted and there wasn’t anyone else and hadnt been the entire time we were I involved. He swore on the lives of his adult kids and grandson and in the end I had a termination but by this time I was 14 weeks gone.
On the day of the abortion he was at a family wedding and he did check on me that before morning but I was angry with him so he didn’t contact me again the rest of the day.
He said he hadn’t been on his phone the whole day.
Things got difficult for me after that, I was filled with regret and terrible guilt. I was open with him about my feelings. He seemed fairly supportive at that time.
I felt we had gotten closer due to it all and became more attached to him and felt like I loved him.
Something felt off, I can’t explain why but I asked him who the woman was that he had the affair with for years and he refused to tell me. That made alarm bells ring because I thought maybe he’s worried I find out something he doesn’t want me to know. After I pushed him he told me who she was and I knew of her but didn’t know her personally. I messaged her on Facebook and asked her if she was still in contact with him and stupidly I told him I was doing this.
She said she wasn’t but asked me a lot of questions which made me suspicious.
2 weeks went by and she messaged me and showed me pictures he has sent her on the day I had the abortion, so he had been on his phone and was busy sending her messages as I was bleeding out his twins. She also told me dates they had been together and send me copies of messages.
He came to my house and I said I can’t believe you lied to me and I believed you. Why that wasn’t hard for me to believe I’m not sure as he had been lying to his wife for 30 years so why would I be an exception to the rule?
He begged for forgiveness and apologised said he ended it after the abortion. For a few days I went along with it but I became ill with anxiety. I didn’t sleep for 4 days and couldn’t think straight.
In mid August he had just left my house after we spent a lovely evening together. The other woman messaged again and showed me new information where he instructed her to lie to me and told her I was nobody and he didn’t love me he loved her.
I snapped and got ready and walked round to his house, knocked his door and he answered. I said I couldn’t listen to his lies any longer it was too painful and I had to tell his wife because if I didn’t he would somehow manage to talk me round into forgiving him again and that would only led to more pain. He then got in his car and drove away and his wife came to the door and I told her the truth. That he’s lied to her for 30 years.
I haven’t heard from him since. I deleted my social media.
I’m absolutely distraught over it all, I feel like such a fool and the guilt is killing me. I have terrible nightmares and my anxiety is crippling. I can’t go on like this. I’m in therapy but it’s going to take time.
I feel ashamed that given I was cheated on I entered a relationship with a married man and even more ashamed I aborted two innocent babies to continue to see him and now it’s all been for nothing.
I think every word he ever said was a lie. It’s all so confusing. I just cry all day. Don’t go out and go over the messages time and time again trying to make peace with it all or find answers.
I would love to sit down with him and get some closure but I know that won’t happen.
He’s totally broken me and I have no idea where I go from here.