Would you believe him? *title edited by MN*

[Blueandlilac]

So he's away for work for 3 months in the Netherlands, we werent official before he went but he's been saying we will continue when he's back he really misses me etc.
He's met a few people out there and there have been touristy pictures of him. I went on his page and saw that it was all hidden now which I thought odd but didn't think any more of.
A girl came up on my 'recommended friends' as a mutual friend of mine and his.
I clicked on her page and low and behold it says they are in a relationship. Absolutely flabbergasted, because it says they got into a relationship a week after they met.
However, he's been texting me saying he misses me and cant wait to see me etc..
I screenshotted it and admittedly sent an angry message.
He replied very calmly saying they had 'fraped' him, and claimed he couldnt log in.
I felt so stupid and apologised, and he was kind about it. He wasnt défensive or anything at all.
But it still says on her page theyre together and why is his stuff hidden :/
Do people who are almost 30 really do frapes ? Not sure what to believe, I wanna believe it's true but does it sound like a lie ?

He’s totally in the wrong. But PPs are saying the OP has had multiple threads about the same guy, and it’s only been a few weeks. Just seems a bit intense.

It may seem intense to you but we don't know the extent of his messages or how frequent they were. After 4 weeks of continuous signs of affection and promises it was going somewhere of course she will be upset to have been lied to. I also think regardless of whether she may be being intense people should support and help in a kind manner. I'm not sure being harsh towards her will help at all

Actually feeling a lot better today, just thinking what a loser he is with his 'Facebook hack' story and then letting me apologise for his lie lol what a muppet..
It said she had another boyfriend at the time she got together. He would have surely seen/known this and pursued her anyway. Anyway so glad i've seen what he is really like.

Yeah he is a loser. Bet you're glad you found out now though instead of being with him for ages and then finding out!

Exactly 😁😁

You guys might say im intense but she's changed her profile pic to them two and wrote an emotional status about missing him when they have been in a 'relationship' for 2 weeks now and known each other the same amount of time roughly.
I will forget it pretty soon, part of it makes me laugh, it just shows though that people go for what they want, there won't be any excuses, if someone wants to commit they will.

Wonder if she knows that what he wants is an open relationship!

Have you still got the open relationship text? If it was me I’d message her “you don’t know me but your BF has been messaging me. Last one he sent a few days ago asking for an open relationship. He’s been texting me the whole time you’ve been together. You need to be careful because he’s not trustworthy” guys like him get away with stuff because women never put them. There should be a list for arseholes like him!

So I did it and I got a reply from her simply saying 'this is unhealthy'. Maybe I shouldnt have, but oh well, leave them to it now, will be fully out of my mind soon.

She’s right. It is unhealthy.

I think it's good you told her. I would want to know if I was her. Of course what she does with the info is up to her, and clearly she has chosen to ignore it.

Just send her screenshots. I would.

Yeah as long as she has the screenshots (with his number visible ideally) then she can make her mind up for herself. Either way though at least you've said so she'll be keeping an eye out for dodgy behaviour from him now.

However, for future reference, when someone claims to want something with you, hides part of their profile from you - they are being deceitful. When someone puts in a relationship on fb with another girl whilst still flirting with you - they are being deceitful. When someone acts really into you and strings you along only to tell you they want an open relationship - they've been deceiving you. All of this really should have been obvious to you and I suspect it was...your boundaries just weren't where they should be so youve put up with way too much nonsense! Step back from dating and work on your self esteem, boundaries and knowledge of how to spot narcissists, players and general wronguns, otherwise you'll keep finding yourself in similar situations with these sorts.

He's just called me to apologise, not sure if that was in relation to what I sent or not.
Yeah if she wants to live in denial her choice. He didnt deny she had a bf when they met and she cheated/he pursued her knowing she had one. Classy and not someone id want to be involved with at all.
Hopefully the apology wasnt just to relieve his own guilt. Ill be getting an sti test because he's shown himself as dishonest.

Block his number. Chances are she's doubting him now so he's trying to get you back in his good books.

Google narcissistic hoovering (when they try to come back)
And narcissistic triangulation too (when they play you off against another woman).

Std test sounds wise. But get him blocked in everything.

Maybe, but he's probably just trying to do it for his own guilt so he can get on with his New one in peace.. I will forget it soon enough anyway ! Just the massive lie and hiding stuff shows that I probs couldnt believe other stuff he says !

OP, sorry you had to deal with this lying cheater. Read what MashedSpud said multiple times because it is true.

Men lie. If you start dating someone new, you have to assume they are lying until they prove otherwise.

They can say all kinds of nice things what they know women want to hear, but actions don't match up.

If you want a relationship, never accept together but not official, It just means he is still looking but expects you to be there for him. It's just a lie to give you hope.

He probably told this other girl you're a crazy ex who won't leave him alone.

He's no prize. He's lying to her and I'm sure he'll find someone else to shag on his holiday and he'll still be a liar and a cheat.

Yeah who knows really ! He was probably expecting me to be like 'it's ok dont worry !! 😊😊' well no not at all. But tbh I now see that it would not have worked out even if he hadnt gone away for work, because hes dishonest, sleazy and a user.

No OP, he’s phoning to apologise to try to minimise the damage that can now be caused to the other woman. He’ll be hoping that by apologising you won’t take it further, ie. send her evidence. These men are crafty manipulative assholes.

Urgh, no idea to be honest. Hearing his voice set me back a little :( he actually had the cheek to tell me he still really liked and missed me ! Stop saying that ffs, it's cruel and clearly not true.

Op he’s said that because the other woman has now dumped him after seeing your text so he’s trying his luck with you again hoping you’ll forgive him as he misses you and really does like you 🤮🤮🤮

Don’t engage with him anymore. Block, delete and put it down to a bad experience. No good will come of this if you keep texting and speaking to him.

Looks like theyre still together. She messaged saying 'sorry this happened' and I said it wasnt her fault. If she wants to be in denial about him though fair enough. Anyway Ive told him what for and now onwards and upwards ! Bit of a setback yesterday after him saying that to me but i'm gonna be fine today

Jeez OP you need to block them both. Dunno why you haven’t already.

FFS block them

It's done now. Back to feeling anger and thinking that he makes me sick. If he's able to have a relationship 5 days later it's clear I meant absolutely nothing. I want to forget he exists.