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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Would you believe him? *title edited by MN*

152 replies

Blueandlilac · 24/09/2019 07:24

So he's away for work for 3 months in the Netherlands, we werent official before he went but he's been saying we will continue when he's back he really misses me etc.
He's met a few people out there and there have been touristy pictures of him. I went on his page and saw that it was all hidden now which I thought odd but didn't think any more of.
A girl came up on my 'recommended friends' as a mutual friend of mine and his.
I clicked on her page and low and behold it says they are in a relationship. Absolutely flabbergasted, because it says they got into a relationship a week after they met.
However, he's been texting me saying he misses me and cant wait to see me etc..
I screenshotted it and admittedly sent an angry message.
He replied very calmly saying they had 'fraped' him, and claimed he couldnt log in.
I felt so stupid and apologised, and he was kind about it. He wasnt défensive or anything at all.
But it still says on her page theyre together and why is his stuff hidden :/
Do people who are almost 30 really do frapes ? Not sure what to believe, I wanna believe it's true but does it sound like a lie ?

OP posts:
Blueandlilac · 24/09/2019 14:36

Right so he's finally admitted it's true and he was never hacked. Fucking weirdo, good riddance

OP posts:
BatmanLovesTheCircus · 24/09/2019 14:50

Send screenshots of all your texts to his gf. He deserves it.

Blueandlilac · 24/09/2019 14:52

You know what, he's not even worth the effort. Im sure he will get what's coming to him soon enough.

OP posts:
Blueandlilac · 24/09/2019 17:32

Still feel rubbish :( anyone got any words of wisdom ?

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 24/09/2019 17:35

Find something to distract yourself with. Delete his number. Block him on all social media. Analysing his behaviour won’t help.

Blueandlilac · 24/09/2019 17:36

I've done all that... People are just disappointing :(

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 24/09/2019 17:40

Seems you need a better distraction then. Smile

What do you enjoy doing?

Blueandlilac · 24/09/2019 17:41

I do a lot of sport, running a 10k this weekend. Even if it wasnt official, it's crap when someone is so affectionate and sweet and then literally gets into a relationship days later with someone they have just met. It's like you never mattered at all.

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 24/09/2019 17:45

Can you put your running shoes on and go out? Lots of great music?

SherbetSaucer · 24/09/2019 18:03

Right so he's finally admitted it's true and he was never hacked. Fucking weirdo, good riddance what a shock (not)! I’d send her screenshots of the messages he sent you with the date clearly visible!

MashedSpud · 24/09/2019 18:15

A large percentage of men tell women what they want to hear to get sex.

They are sweet and kind to get sex.

They say they love you to get sex.

They make promises they have no intention of keeping to get sex.

Once they get sex it’s a countdown to them ceasing contact. If you’re happy with casual things then that’s fine but 9/10 times the outcome will be the same.

Bouffalant · 24/09/2019 19:05

I'd still screenshot his messages to you and send them to her. Poor girl is probably none the wiser either.

Blueandlilac · 24/09/2019 19:30

I dont wanna come across like psycho but tbh doesn't even matter what he thinks anymore. By the looks of it she had a boyfriend until last week too.
Fuck him anyway..
I'm done, gonna become hard as nails now 😂

OP posts:
angieloumc · 24/09/2019 19:36

You really should step away from social media, it's not doing you any good, obsessing about what he is or isn't doing and who with.

Blueandlilac · 24/09/2019 19:43

True, ive deleted him now, but it was thanks to social media that I found this out after all

OP posts:
SparklyMagpie · 24/09/2019 20:02

4 days ago you were talking about being "done" with him. You already knew it was no good so I don't see the shock here

Take a break from SM, you know now so no need to waste time obsessing

Don't feel convinced that if he came begging you would still fuck him off

carly2803 · 24/09/2019 20:03

hes lying. she has to approve the relationship at her endon facebook.

dump

Blueandlilac · 24/09/2019 20:07

I know, I just fell for his busy with work meetings crap.
Then he came back texting he missed me and everything and that he wanted to see me (whilst having already got with his girlfriend)

Oh no, Ive told him that he can forget anything with me.
Anyway, he probs wont come back he will try to be where his 'love' is.

OP posts:
Blueandlilac · 24/09/2019 20:10

Ive just never known anyone of this age to be in an 'official relationship' when they met about 6 days before, and putting it on FB. Anyway deleted so good.

OP posts:
angieloumc · 24/09/2019 22:39

With all due respect, you don't seem any more mature, what with all the social media stalking and teenage angst about what to do.

Derbee · 25/09/2019 00:19

I dread to think how invested you will get in an actual relationship Confused

BatmanLovesTheCircus · 25/09/2019 09:28

I think the op is getting a bit of a hard time.

She met a guy she really liked and who professed to feel the same, moved away whilst still showering the OP with affection every day and saying that he really liked her and they’d be together when he returned. She’s now found out he was lying to her and hiding a relationship, whilst still professing to be mad about and missing OP and excited to see her again.

I don’t really see how she’s immature and overinvested to be upset by that Hmm

Derbee · 25/09/2019 12:36

Because they’d been seeing each other for 4 weeks?

BatmanLovesTheCircus · 25/09/2019 12:38

He still lied to her.

If he’d been upfront and said “sorry but I’ve met someone else out here, so I’m ending things” then that would have been fine. Instead he persistently lied to OP and said that he still wanted a relationship with her.

OopsieDaisyB · 25/09/2019 16:13

I agree with Batman. Length of time is irrelevant to how she feels. I met my partner and fell in love on the third date, we now live together with a baby. Her feelings are no less valid because it was only 4 weeks or unofficial. I would have been hurt in that situation too!