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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Would you believe him? *title edited by MN*

152 replies

Blueandlilac · 24/09/2019 07:24

So he's away for work for 3 months in the Netherlands, we werent official before he went but he's been saying we will continue when he's back he really misses me etc.
He's met a few people out there and there have been touristy pictures of him. I went on his page and saw that it was all hidden now which I thought odd but didn't think any more of.
A girl came up on my 'recommended friends' as a mutual friend of mine and his.
I clicked on her page and low and behold it says they are in a relationship. Absolutely flabbergasted, because it says they got into a relationship a week after they met.
However, he's been texting me saying he misses me and cant wait to see me etc..
I screenshotted it and admittedly sent an angry message.
He replied very calmly saying they had 'fraped' him, and claimed he couldnt log in.
I felt so stupid and apologised, and he was kind about it. He wasnt défensive or anything at all.
But it still says on her page theyre together and why is his stuff hidden :/
Do people who are almost 30 really do frapes ? Not sure what to believe, I wanna believe it's true but does it sound like a lie ?

OP posts:
ThirstyGhost · 24/09/2019 09:29

I really wouldn't message the other woman. He'll just say that you were never going out or that you're some random who was stalking him or similar and she'll accept him at his word. It'll achieve nothing and you'll be wasting yet more of your time and energy on this monkey-clown.

fruitbrewhaha · 24/09/2019 09:30

Onwards and upwards OP.

It's disappointing when you meet someone and think it has legs and then they turn out to be a twat. But he is a arse so you can move on knowing he wasn't the guy you hope he was.

Blueandlilac · 24/09/2019 09:45

He's literally just got in contact saying all he wants is an open relationship.
I dont think it's a frape because it's not been taken off yet.
I replied saying that's fair enough if you do but sadly I do not so let's go our seperate ways for now, all the best.
He just put 'ok, I understand :('

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 24/09/2019 09:47

How about stopping using that word now?

mummmy2017 · 24/09/2019 09:53

Well after his update he has admitted it.
So now as you said , just move forward and forget him.

BrightonRox · 24/09/2019 09:54

@Blueandlilac well there's your answer. Walk away and find someone else now.

Blueandlilac · 24/09/2019 09:55

Yeah :) im relieved in a way, dont have to waste another minute.

OP posts:
Butteflyone1 · 24/09/2019 09:58

Are women really this naïve? You were not in a relationship with this man, yes he may have lead you to believe he liked you but he has not cheated on you as you are not exclusive.

As for everyone saying tell the girl, why? They've only just got together and whilst he shouldn't be messaging another girl, if he wants this open relationship then perhaps she is also game for it.

You would look a fool to contact her. Rake it up as experience and move on.

Blueandlilac · 24/09/2019 10:00

Yeah i'm not planning to contact her, or him again. He was snakey to message me whilst hiding this and then to make up this lie about Facebook being hacked. I will get over him.

OP posts:
LemonPrism · 24/09/2019 10:04

No babe he's in a relationship with her and you're being strung along.

FizzyGreenWater · 24/09/2019 10:05

Nasty word to use which really doesn't make you look good!

LemonPrism · 24/09/2019 10:05

Just say hacked.

Blueandlilac · 24/09/2019 10:07

Apologies I will not use it again. Yeah in any case he's shown himself as a liar which puts me off him x1000

OP posts:
MashedSpud · 24/09/2019 10:13

Block him, remove him from fb and block. Block him on every platform and lose his #.

AgentJohnson · 24/09/2019 10:18

Move on already and stop using that damn word, it’s offensive in the extreme.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 24/09/2019 10:28

Thingsdogetbetter

Thank you for the explanation - I had never heard of this term before.

I agree with others that it is absolutely vile!

angieloumc · 24/09/2019 10:38

Awful expression, and you just keep using it 😳

KevinKlineSwoon · 24/09/2019 10:57

You can't just add a relationship with someone on Facebook as a joke. The other person has to accept it.

Everafter1 · 24/09/2019 11:01

He's at it. I wouldn't take this one lying down.

It's harder when you're in the situation I know, but if he's to be believed there would be no reason for any of it to be hidden from your sight.

If someone had seriously done that to him then they're not going to go to any lengths of damage control for him. It's a menacing thing to do. It would be done to cause him a bit of a panic for their entertainment, they wouldn't go into settings to hide from anyone.

I clicked on this post because my first thought was "is that still a thing?" He's lying & you don't need that.

SleepingStandingUp · 24/09/2019 11:06

Wrong page but he's unreasonable for using the f word and you're unreasonable to keep repeating it. At most he was hacked. If you need a special F so we all know it was on Facebook he was facked.

GabsAlot · 24/09/2019 11:51

If its on her page then he hant been hacked has he!

NameChangeNugget · 24/09/2019 12:17

Struggling to see what he’s done wrong here

Derbee · 24/09/2019 12:30

@NameChangeNugget errm, he’s decided without the OP’s knowledge that he wants to date other people. Instead of being straight about it, he’s lied and pretended that his account has been hacked? He’s also blocked her from viewing photos of what he’s doing behind her back, and pleaded ignorance?

What he’s done wrong is lied. He’s entitled to do whatever he wants. But when you lie and manipulate people, you’re always in the wrong

Vilanelle · 24/09/2019 12:38

next stop, STD test!

CatsGoPurrrr · 24/09/2019 12:47

Arghhhh! Another thread on this loser?
Delete and block
But you won't.
See you again in a few days.