Child maintenance

[lifeswhatyoumakeit1]

I get £700 pcm for two kids. Plus he pays for mobile phone contract, school activities, savings for them, good presents for both kids at Xmas/birthday, takes them away on holiday, has every other weekend and always takes them out to cinema, meals out, concerts etc.

We've fallen out, it's now gone legal, CSA now say he's been massively overpaying and I'm entitled to nothing for the next 5 years!

I work, earn about £30k pa plus what he gives me.

AIBU to want him to keep paying? What is reasonable?

Reasonable I assume is what is calculated by the regulating authority?

I'm not from the UK so the amount you're referencing is definitely on the higher end of the cap here.

If you've had a personal agreement and it's coming to an end, I'd assume you should begin to receive what they assess.

My ex husband and I have a private agreement. According to the assessment I should receive $1800 monthly. I dont think this is fair to him. If he chooses to remarry and have other children, that's a large amount.

So he pays me $1000/ month and we don't go through the agency.

If it went badly, it's be a minimum of 3 months before they'd act, I'd never be able to claim the underpaid amounts. I'd receive the amount they assessed going forwards.

So would you not still be e titled to whatever they assess? Regardless of the previous private agreement?

It does sound like he's paying a huge amount, £700 a month plus all the extras is massive. It wouldn't be too much for him to pay if he's a very high earner, but if the CSA say that he's been overpaying I'm assuming he isn't.

Is there anyway you can get your co parenting relationship back on track so you can talk to him about the money you actually need to be able to provide for your children? If he's been paying that much then he must be vaguely reasonable and realise that if he doesn't pay anything it will be detrimental to his children. I think in your position I'd try to work out something fairer. Suggest that you both contribute half each to school activities, uniform and mobile phone, and then work out a reasonable contribution to their day to day living expenses while they are with you. What each of you spend on holidays, meals out etc is irrelevant, but personally I think how much maintenance is given should reflect whether or not the NRP is providing a proper home for the dc when they stay there. The CSA doesn't take that into account though, they are pretty useless and unrealistic.

The NRP provides a good home for them, own bedrooms, large garden in a lovely area. Home is all set up and geared towards kids so it is a home from home

Basically he works away so has a home near work and keeps the big house just for the kids which is close to me/our kids

Woah! That's a lot of money for 2 children! Either he earns a fortune or he's been overpaying way too much.

For context, my ex earns £35k a year and pays £245 a month for one child. If we had 2 children, I don't think I'd get double, but I can't be 100% sure.

He's self employed so takes the minimum for tax purposes then pays himself a dividend. In total he earns £50k pa

Self employed through the CMS is notoriously difficult. How bad is the falling out is it retrieval?

In short your not being unreasonable asking but i dont youll get it now if the CMS says hes overpaid and wont enforce.

I'd be grovelling tbh

He's overpaid to the tune of about five years based on his current earning estimates!

It drives me mad though.

He now has a new DP and is getting re married. They're off on holidays regularly (fairly exotic ones) whilst I had to make do with two weeks in an apartment on the Algarve (I know, poor me!)

What do you think?

Should he keep on paying? If so how much is reasonable?

Im not sure theres much should about it. Or thats an overly helpful approach to the problem. The CMS sets what "should" be paid, (regardless if whether thats reasonable or not). You really want to be deescalating the situation because atm if the CMS say in writing no money is due you will only get anything through his good will.

Its a jack sparrow moment, there's things you can do and things you can't, the morality of the situation is kinda irrelevant.

What is reasonable?....

Is this a reasonable budget to ask him to pay half of?

Housing 200 / 2400
Clothes 100 / 1200
After school activities 50 / 600
Social activities 100 / 1200
Food 200 / 2400
Holidays 100 / 1200

£750 pcm for both children of which we share 50/50 so he pays me £325?

How did contacting CMS come about?
Did he spontaneously cease all support after a fall out? Or did you throw a strip and contact them to try and spite him?

I posted some nasty stuff on social media about him (which he was extremely unhappy about). Then asked for more money for other stuff

Nobody spends £100 a month on clothes for kids.

We used a maintenance calculator. I pay £100 and so does my ex. Our DD goes to after school clubs because we're both work full time. It does only seem to cost £200 per month to run her! If it costs more on some months, then I pay as I earn more. £700 does seem excessive.

But did he stop paying? Why did you go through CMS?

I think I've perhaps pushed it a bit far and he's called CMS as he's had enough

What people think is irrelevant here though really. The CMS say he has to pay nothing so there isn't much you can do. As for his holidays, he will have a different standard of life to you if they are both high earners, that is just how divorces go unfortunately.

All you can do is try and work out what you have fallen out over and make a private arrangement. He will likely continue to take the kids to the cinema etc, but must see there will be a downgrade to their day to day if he pays nothing suddenly. Do you think you can work out the disagreement?

No, he's always paid in fairness to him

Sorry my understanding is it was never through those CSA they cannot claim over payment. My husband and I split up 4 years ago June 2015. He agreed to pay me an amount as he is a high earner. He paid once and never paid again. Myself and his family tried everything to make him be responsible. I was hesitant to ever go to the CSA and in the end I applied April 2016. They did the calculation and I shortly received a letter stated what he had to pay a month but only from June 2016 so exactly a year after we split. There was never even an option to claim arrears as they only calculate from the date you apply from.

I’d suggest you contact them again and tell them that. What you guys had was a private arrangement and he agreed to pay you a decent enough an amount for his 2 children. He clearly could afford to.

You posted nasty stuff on social media? Ok well any sympathy I might have had has gone now.

I think youre missing the point still. What contraception said.

If he has them 50% of the time he doesn't pay any maintenance though, so you were already pushing it a bit. I think posting the nasty stuff was a really bad idea unfortunately

He paid that much as he was a high PAYE earner, now he has gone self employed so official earnings are much lower.

Am interested in know what you think is fair so I can show him how I've come to this figure