Child maintenance

[lifeswhatyoumakeit1]

I get £700 pcm for two kids. Plus he pays for mobile phone contract, school activities, savings for them, good presents for both kids at Xmas/birthday, takes them away on holiday, has every other weekend and always takes them out to cinema, meals out, concerts etc.

We've fallen out, it's now gone legal, CSA now say he's been massively overpaying and I'm entitled to nothing for the next 5 years!

I work, earn about £30k pa plus what he gives me.

AIBU to want him to keep paying? What is reasonable?

I don't know re the CMS for sure. Am waiting for an official response

It is very uneven the calculation, why should one parent only have the responsibility of 16% and the other 84%?
The whole system needs overhauled.

Just for the record, because it's always being trotted out incorrectly - it is NOT true that if you each have the kids 50% of the time no child maintenance is due.

I can’t see how on 50k he says he earns that he’s funding 2 homes for himself, giving you 700/mth plus all the extras. That doesn’t add up. I wonder if he has gone to CMS with his minimal SE earnings. It doesn’t sound right they’ve said nothing due to overpayment. It was an agreed amount.

Even though you’ve caused this it’s a pity he can’t separate that from providing something for his DC going forward.

That should be is perfectly entitled.

@HerRoyalNotness
SE can submit a very low tax return and it looks like they earn pennies, my eldest DDs father did this eventually then declared bankruptcy when CMS were weeks from a civil case against him, he owes them £80,000+, I’ll never see a penny of it.

So basically you've acted like a complete twat, smearing him over social media and now are scrambling. Wow op you massively shot yourself in the foot by being bloody greedy. Sounds like he pays more than you do !!

now I have no way back!
You could try apologising....

Otherwise i would get on with economising

There might not be a way back to what you were getting before, but then nor should there be, it was way too much!

But there is a way you can move forward and see your children adequately provided for by both parents, it just means that you will have to apologise (genuinely, not just for money) and begin to be much more reasonable and realistic in your expectation.

@JoxerGoesToStuttgart

I totally agree. Often the NRP can only persue their career at the level they do cos someone else (RP) has responsibility for their kids.

I don't understand this at all. CMS have looked at it from the beginning of the year, and have decided that in 9 months, he's paid enough to cover the next 5 years?

That aside, I wasn't aware they could back-date their decisions.

There might not be a way back to what you were getting before, but then nor should there be, it was way too much!

Don’t be ridiculous. A man was supporting his children with what he (their father) wanted to support them with. Who the hell are you to say he was giving them too much? Do you say the same of wealthy resident parents who give the same towards their DC?

Wow just wow. 2 children no child maintenance, no help with nothing at all. Does not see the children as per the court order, basically uses me to look after the children for his own self gain. Constantly asking me for things for the children, and it goes on and on.
You carnt rely on someone who's supplying above and beyond and then slag them off on social media with out the obvious consequences.!
I know you said you understand your mistake but I don't think you have any idea how lucky you are to have him make such a generous contribution.

I've disagreed with the OPs aviation's. But let's not start the you're lucky bullshit.

It's not luck to have a father provide for the children he created.

Well 1st apologise and then hopefully you’ll be able to have an adult discussion about what the children NEED when they are with you - I’m sure he’ll still do all the extras with them as otherwise he’s punishing the kids for your need to air your dirty laundry!

No basically, the CMS does an annual assessment based on tax returns. If that assessment is radically lower than the year below it will revise the maintenance owed. If the NRP has already "overpaid" for that period his future payments will be lowered accordingly.

Self employment, contracting, and where the NRP sets up a buisiness instead of being PAYE are notoriously difficult to get a decent amount of income from because there are many ways to "hide", eg put travel costs, office cost etc through the company. Exh paid his Dad and wife through the company once and claimed minimum wage, couldnt touch him. CMS closed some of the loopholes, but not all. Some of us have actually had a rough run of things. Im greatful now of having had over a years continuous maintenance from the CMS. The CSA never managed linger than a year without usually a 6 month break where he fell of the radar.

Frankly the OP has had a really easy run of things and behaved monumentally stupidly.

It doesnt matter that she was lucky to get so much.

It does matter that she was so selfish, she slagged him off on social media when he was paying far more than 50% of the kids living costs. The kids do not cost op £1400 per month plus all the extras he was paying for.

But her selfishness of wanting more, has pushed him to far.

Plus, no regard for the kids.

Theres nothing to slag him off for. So I am good to assume that you are just jealous he has a girlfriend and cared more about getting one over on him.

Why should he continue to pay far more than half? And just accept being slagged off when OP is having a tantrum. And them hand her more money. Likely he will keep paying for things for the kids, he doesnt seem like a cunt. But stop giving the OP so much in cash.

If pp cated about the impact on the kids, she wouldnt have done it in the first place

The fact that she wont say what it is, means its something that everyone will lose sympathy for, of she says it. Or at least thata my assumption.

Don’t be ridiculous. A man was supporting his children with what he (their father) wanted to support them with. Who the hell are you to say he was giving them too much?

In my personal opinion, it is too much to hand over to someone else to spend on children because children simply don't cost double that to raise. But it's not me that's saying it anyway, the OPs ex is obviously saying it or he wouldn't have gone to the CSA to get his payments reduced. As it's his money, it's only really his thoughts that matter once the CSA have decided he owes nothing.

Do you say the same of wealthy resident parents who give the same towards their DC?

Not the same thing at all. Resident parents don't have to go though an ex to spend their own money on their children, they can just do it and how much they spend is entirely up to them. They know that their money will only benefit themsleves and their children, and they don't have to wonder whether it really is being spent on the children or whether it's subsidising their ex. Your question isn't totally irrelevant.

Often the NRP can only persue their career at the level they do cos someone else (RP) has responsibility for their kids.

Yeah because no single parent, with no support from the ex has ever built a career on their own

I havent seen one do it without the support of parents, childcare, and/or nanny etc.

The fact is if you aren't with your child a full 24 hours a day someone else has to be else its neglect, whether thats a RP, family or paid support.

Volcanion V helpful explanation, thanks.

VolcanionSteamArtillery I know several.

Including me. I am NC with my parents and had to pay for all childcare. Still built my career.

The quote was that NRP can bud their careers cause the RP has repsonvility for the kids.

The RP can also grow their career.

OP, have you spoken to CMS yourself? Or is this what he's telling you?

The reason I ask is because you had a private arrangement. Surely, if he's going through them, they'd base it on the here and now, not what was paid before.

OP I'm hoping you know you've been foolish. The badmouthing your ex was completely childish and pathetic. No good ever comes of it.

I do not agree anyone should feel "lucky" to receive financial support from their children's other parent just because some people (like myself) get none. But I do not understand why on earth you would expect your ex to pay for your holidays!

Your ex earns more than you so his lifestyle will probably be different. Imagine if he earned less than you and expected you to split your two week holiday in half so he got a holiday too.

CMS shouldn't be saying no maintenance for 5 years if the claim hasn't been through them initially so I'd check it all with them as the children's father should still be contributing.

OP says

We always went through CMS. He went back to them recently for a recalculation