Child maintenance

[lifeswhatyoumakeit1]

I get £700 pcm for two kids. Plus he pays for mobile phone contract, school activities, savings for them, good presents for both kids at Xmas/birthday, takes them away on holiday, has every other weekend and always takes them out to cinema, meals out, concerts etc.

We've fallen out, it's now gone legal, CSA now say he's been massively overpaying and I'm entitled to nothing for the next 5 years!

I work, earn about £30k pa plus what he gives me.

AIBU to want him to keep paying? What is reasonable?

Tbh im not convinced the OP has got an entirely certaingrip on whats going on. I only say that bevause the CMS "reassessment" that everyone gets has landed on doorsteps this week. It might not be directly prompted bybthe ex at all

I suspect also the way CMS is calculated complicates matters. I cant find the information properly online but my guess is that:

The CMS calculates maintenance owed based on the previous years tax return. So if the previous years tax return was high the next years calculation will be also be high. If the next tax return actually shows the income was significantly lower and the actually maintenance due was halve i think they would then adjudt furture payments to reflect this. I suspect that is actually whats happened in the OPs case

Life is indeed what you make it!
So make this right going forward.
Delete everything off social and apologise. Don't tie it in with the money request.
Only communicate about the children and keep your emotions out of it.
Contact the CMS yourself.
He sounds like he was happy to provide for his children before so I doubt that will change once he calms down. And he should still help provide for them irrespective of what he paid before. Just keep it all about the kids.
Housing 200 YES
Clothes 100 As and when needed.
After school activities 50 YES
Social activities ?
Food 200 YES
Holidays 100 NO - he can take them with him. He doesn't have to pay for yours.
A simple text a while after your apology:
Dear Ex, the cms have decided you don't need to pay me any money however I do require your financial help to provide for our children. I do appreciate you used to give me more than expected. I am free to discuss this whenever it suits you.

I think you've been very lucky to have had all of that money and other expenses paid. My daughter's dad left when she was 18m old, he's paid me £125 per month since then, she's 14 years old now and he's on £35k+ per year. I've never asked for any more as I'd rather my daughter have a good relationship with him. The kids come first in my eyes and as long as they are cared for and fed then the money isn't relevant.

Sounds like he has been paying for everything and now it's your turn to dip your hand into your own pocket.

Very wise of him to contact Cms, you earn enough money to provide comfortably

i really wouldn't send that text. Maybe without the I do require, but if i was the ex that i require would finish me off full stop.

I require a holiday to florida every year, a bigger house and private physio for the kids. Doesnt mean im going to get it

I'm going to get what the CMS decide is due. In the OPs case thats nothing without the ex's Good will.

When the CSA was alive and kicking you learnt very quickly to match your baseline expenditure to your income excluding maintenance. In fact the CSA actively told you had not right to rely on maintenance. Its good practice.

Otherwise it tends not to be a good idea to bite the hand that feeds you.

I think he’s wised up and good for him.

Your housing and bills, holidays etc are down to you to pay. He should be contributing to the children only so food/clothes/agreed hobbies.

In my personal opinion, it is too much to hand over to someone else to spend on children because children simply don't cost double that to raise.

Child support doesn’t exist purely to meet the essential costs of raising them. If it did all children would receive the same amount. It is to give the children the same standard of living as their NRP has. So if the father is earning enough to voluntarily pay £700/month then he is earning well and his children’s standard of living should reflect that even though they aren’t living with him. It’s not just about covering the essentials.

Surely it kind of matters what the social media stuff was about? He may have been paying, but he could have been a complete arsehole and the OP was well in her rights to spout off if she so felt. Yes, that has had consequences, but doesn't necessarily mean she should be grovelling an apology.

Op . You need to apologise and not discuss the money. You appear to know you you were out of order yet not prepared to apologise.

The cms . This isn’t a new case . However I would call the cms see what they have to say but doubt it will be £700.

I get £7 a week from my ex . So actually you just have to make it work with the money available.

This is why it's probably best ex "only" gives me £100 a month. I know I'd survive easily without it as mostly I rely on me. I'd be scared to get used to that £700 for fear something happened, e.g he lost his job, dropped dead, etc.

Have CMS really said he doesn't have to pay for the next 5 years? I'd thought if people pay over it's between them, but doesn't impact future payments?

My friend was certainly told that the 7 year underpayment could not be recovered in any way.

My ex earns around the same as yours and pays £500 a month. He is underpaying by about £80 as it should be £580. It would be more but he gets a reduction as he has his gf's children living there. I don't think £700 is the huge amount that everyone has been saying here and can't see how he has overpaid that much.

The extras sound considerable- a second home big enough for the kids to have a bedroom each and all the extras could easily be £1000+
While Dads obviously pay for entertainment when they hang out with the kids, the rest (bar the saving for the kids) is usually covered by maintenance.

Sorry OP but it sounds like you have been rinsing him....you're own salary is £30k - which in itself is a decent wage . and then another £700 a month from your Ex.

You sound greedy as there is very little mention of your children or their relationship with their father - just a concern with the missing thousands you're missing out on yearly. Do you have other benefits, working tax credits, housing benefit...and are they aware of the large amount of CM you get monthly?

£30k a year with the extra £8400 - would be a wage well into the mid £40k's and any other benefits...

I can't tell if this is a wind up or if you really are being genuine - either way you need to put your children first and focus on their wellbeing.

@Optimistic123 CM is not taken into consideration when calculating benefits.

OP earning well doesn’t mean her ex doesn’t have to support his children too!!

I don’t think anyone’s suggested that he shouldn’t support his kids.

If DC weren’t involved, I’d say she’s got her just desserts for slagging the poor bloke off on social media though.

As it is, I’d echo PPs in saying she should offer a heartfelt apology, wait for a week or two and then ask him if he could please compromise and continue to pay something, not stick with the CMS decision.

I think what you earn is irrelevant. Sounds like he’s been paying a fair amount to me