Child maintenance

[lifeswhatyoumakeit1]

I get £700 pcm for two kids. Plus he pays for mobile phone contract, school activities, savings for them, good presents for both kids at Xmas/birthday, takes them away on holiday, has every other weekend and always takes them out to cinema, meals out, concerts etc.

We've fallen out, it's now gone legal, CSA now say he's been massively overpaying and I'm entitled to nothing for the next 5 years!

I work, earn about £30k pa plus what he gives me.

AIBU to want him to keep paying? What is reasonable?

so CMS told him he was over paying and not to pay you for 5 years?

If you start a claim now it will be with a clean slate? Once he is in arrears they will pursue him. I have never heard of them looking at what he paid in the past?

We always went through CMS. He went back to them recently for a recalculation

Oh and just to add their dad never offered to pay anything extra, nor paid or seen them the first 3 years at Christmas or birthdays let alone offered to help me. I’m fact he never took them on holiday in 4 years and took them for the first time in the summer for 4 nights to Disney Paris but requested an immediate reduction due to him suffering from Financial hardship. In fact CSA called me as they were driving to the airport.
Yes struggling very much when you go on your 7th holiday in 6 months.

Have you apologised to him?
Also does he have the children 50/50?

Use the CMS calculator. But can you confirm you have them 50/50 as if so he doesn't have to pay anything at all for the time you have them. If this is right then I would just ask for half the activities, school uniform etc and you should cover the rest

Omg youve behaved like an idiot. Grovel. Seriously thats by far and away your best option. Swallow your pride and grovel, for your kids sake.

Cms won’t look at what’s been paid in the past only what needs to be paid from the day you claimed. I suspect that they’re saying nothing owed due to the 50/50. He doesn’t have to pay anything if that is the case unfortunately

Apparently they are looking at this from the start of this year and have told him not to pay

No he has them two nights out of 14

And no, I've not said sorry.

I know I've behaved like an idiot.

Maybe start with that.

What do you think is fair though? Clearly I can't lose this money but I need to show how I've come to the amount that I think I need from him on a monthly basis

Going with a list of demands of what you think is due to you is about the most unreasonable stupid entitled thing to do right now. Swallow your pride and apologise.

The reality is that if he is not being forced to pay then you can show him 99p and he doesn't have to do anything.

You've screwed yourself over.

The first bloody thing you should do is write out a sincere and comprehensive apology.

Do you know his rough income?

You can lose that money cos without the goodwill of you're kids father you will lose that money. Thats a fact.

I think he was being very fair before and you would have ended up with a higher income than him. With him paying after school stuff, phones, holidays plus £700 to you. Why did you post nasty stuff about him and why did you ask for more? The same thing happened to a friend's boyfriend. His ex who was getting thousands every month (as well as the house etc) for more and more demanding so he had enough and took her to court. He ended up only needing to pay her £15 a month.

Are you sure he CMS told him that he doesn’t have to pay because of what he paid in the past? Or is that what he told you?

Why don’t you contact them and put in an application yourself?

What on Earth did you post about him?? He's sounds decent enough to me! Were you bitter about his latest holiday being better than yours in he Algarve?

I think you need to give a sincere apology but also point out that such a huge drop in maintenance will adversely affect the children's quality of life too. (And get them onto gifgaf phones! )

Also if you're taking them on holiday he can choose to give them some spending money if he wants but you should be funding that alone.

He can choose to take them on holiday.

I posted some nasty stuff on social media about him (which he was extremely unhappy about). Then asked for more money for other stuff

Is this a reverse?

Are the ex or the exs new partner.

Because surely you cant be stupid enough to think I you can publically slag him off then ask for money when he already pays alot more than he has to plus pays for lots of extras?

I am betting this isnt the first time either. I bet he he is fed up of playing the game of trying to be decent while you do what the fuck you want because you think the money would never end?

He’d have to be on around £80k to be paying you £700/month for 2 DC when he has them 1/7th of the time.

Apologise and use the CMS calculation with a bit on top as to what is fair. But I don't think you should rely so much on this money to be honest. He could lose his business or he could have more children with his new partner and you will lose more money. It is dangerous relying on such a high amount of child maintenance.

If the CMS have said he doesn't have to pay anything, there is absolutely nothing you can do. Even coming to a figure won't change anything. Only thing you can do is apologise and explain how this will adversely affect you. But if he doesn't accept that then you would have to go to court to try and change the CMS decision.

You're right. I do need to swallow my pride and apologise. I just thought he'd see it better if I could back up what I'm suggesting is reasonable
No, this definitely isn't a reverse! Had to think about what you were going on about for a second there. I just wanted to check I'm being reasonable etc.