Third (and final) thread - C nonsense

[JaysusWept]

Unbelievable that this is the 3rd thread and still nothing has been resolved.
I wasn’t going to start this one but if anything good comes out of this shite it will be a Glasgow/Scotland MN meet up!

I know folk laugh at all the ‘DAILY MAIL MAY NOT USE THIS’ stuff, but here’s me giving the scummy DM permission to use this 👋

Yes it makes for depressing reading.

I'm no expert and I'd go with whoever has experience and been through this shit. But I think I'd be tending towards grey rock.

Yes you want to clear your name. And yes it hurts that she's 'got away with it'. But she's already shown she's a loose cannon. Back her into a corner. You think she's going to back down? Or double down even more?

She's not above hubby leaving her, victimising ops dd, getting others involved in her gossip. I wouldn't put anything past her. She's batshit

And it's true. The genuine people who really matter and whose opinion counts. They aren't going to listen to this batshittery. No one here has. If people want to listen to the gossip mill at the school gate it says more about them than the op.

I’d send a message to the wa group reiterating my innocence and disappointment in them all, then drop them all completely.

PP here are stoking this drama just as much now. They seem to be forgetting that this is someone else's life.

The local PPs who have kindly extended the hand of friendship to OP at a particularly rotten time for her have restored my faith in human nature on this thread.

Some of the advice above would be actively harmful to OP, should she take it. OP has clearly and unambiguously stated in previous posts what her intentions are; seems people are not seeing or reading this.

I'll say again: the moment you start engaging with this stuff and 'defending yourself' you've lost. You've been reeled in, they've got you, and the cycle perpetuates itself ad nauseum. There is only one way to make it go away: disengage. Starve it of oxygen and cut it off.

OP is acting with dignity and good sense and will no doubt continue to do so. Of course it hurts, we are all human. But it doesn't matter a twopenny damn what other parents in the playground think. In any event, people who engage in gossip and rumours are definitely not friend material. As a PP put it very well above, the people who matter won't mind, and the people who mind don't matter.

Can I just say I am not actually that bothered about op, she will cope with silly gossip and amateur dramatics, she is a fully grown adult, a lovely one at that, and will make great new friends.

My biggest concern is for ops dd. This is where it will get very ugly indeed.

I’m really sorry OP. I’d be tempted to shag C’s dad and thereby become her evil stepmother.

@RumpoleoftheBaileys

Omg I love you

If you have had no experience of people like c then for you possibly it is a matter of riding it out with dignity.

However people like c never stop at just hurting people like op. She has already proved she is perfectly content to go for dd, and that is precisely what she will do next. Weaponise the children.

All the dignity in the world will not help the eight year girl that will end up in the middle of this.

The easiest way to really hurt her child is to go through dd. If this had not happened to us I would never believe someone could be as cruel as this, or sink to such a level, we are not dealing with normal are we, we can’t rely on decency and it all go away. It’s likely to go a number of ways, and the path of decency and compassion is unlikely to be one of them as far as C is concerned.

I think you’ve handled it fine so far, I’d continue with the approach you’re taking. Don’t give her any ammunition to twist things, stay dignified and she’ll eventually be found out for the utter tool that she is. Remove yourself from the WhatsApp group, don’t get drawn into trying to get other parents on your side and people will soon work out who’s telling the truth.

Just out of interest have you had direct experience of this marie?

Do not react sit on it. See what the week brings.

Doing nothing may make you look guilty. No smoke without fire.

And another fire related one

Stop poking it it’ll get bigger - starve of oxygen.

Sorry op you will just have people telling you two opposite things, but if you link threads there’s no going back. If you don’t your dd could still be ok in all this.

If Jaysus is indifferent about other school parents and what they think, if dd is an independent sort and relaxed about invites and play dates, do nothing. Dignified silence
Block them all.

If Jaysus would like school friends and for herself and dd clearing her name in some form is probably going to be necessary.

Sorry this is so awful for you.

Dd has already been excluded from a weekend sleepover. I don’t think that’s okay, and doesn’t bode Wells

It’s not op prodding the nest. She has done nothing to deserve this.

well.

It takes time but ime if you do ignore and detach when it eventually moves to the next victim people will start asking you why you moved away.

You can be nonchalant. Just say C waged a war and made false allegations. I didn't want to be involved as I knew I was innocent. I'm not one for gossiping and certainly not being the subject of gossip.

You will then attract lots of people. They will realise you're trustworthy and not a gossip monger.

Ok, the bit in between will be tough. But it's short term pain for a much longer term gain.

I don’t think she is finished with you yet either. Not by a long shot. Might be better to stand up to the bully. Remaining silent may read as guilt and fear.

I agree doing all school runs, remaining breezy is essential. That won’t unfortunately stop her though.

I’d be looking at a new school for dd. This just would not be an environment I would feel comfortable sending my dc into every day.

@dancingonamonday

So you’d rather uphaul your daughters entire school life because some adults aren’t getting along ? Instead of learning that these things happen, but they aren’t permanent ?

Do you run away from all your problems ??

I would like to endorse youarenotkiddingme's post from 12.46 today. Detaching yourself from that unfortunately poisonous group (C has injected her venom into the others) is the best approach in the long run. It will be painful in the short term, but showing that you will not give oxygen to malicious, toxic, nuclear gossip like this will give you the best result in the long term. The short term is also a very serious issue though. The possible involvement of OP's daughter by the malicious parent and her (now) sidekicks may very well be very difficult to handle. I can only echo the suggestions of pps that you broaden DD's circle of friends and range of activities, roping exH in where needed. Don't blank people - be civil and brisk. My feeling is though, that what has really happened will not take very long to come out in the wash, not least because DH of C will still be on the scene in some way (school gate etc), and he's unlikely to want to allow the misinformation to want to go on for too long, not least because of how it makes him look. I can only hope that there are a few other decent parents of DD's classmates who can suggest activities and who OP could engage/chat with when around the school.

Sorry you are going through this- absolutely ridiculous behaviour. Am guessing C must believe in it to an extent.
Are you still having lunch with K today?

So long story short -

C sent a message meant for L to you slagging you off saying you were flirting with her husband?

C and L tried to back track or sort the situation by inviting you out for lunch etc probably in the hope you'd stay quiet? But you never engaged

They then left the group probably in disgrace that they were caught out bitching and C would look massively insecure

The others in the group started quizzing and gossiping and once they eventually caught up with C, she said that you were messaging her husband and this is the reason why she sent that message because she believes you were chasing after her husband? But the messages don't exist, it's just a made up story to try and eliminate her looking gossipy and insecure?

Her husband is now backing her up? She's obviously said to him she sent this message to you by accident and to keep up appearances that she isn't a gossiping insecure twat, her husband must go along with this story that you were messaging him trying to get in his pants?

Everyone now believes her because why would she make this up and why would her husband go along with it? She's claiming the messages got deleted?

If this is what has happened, I would get the other 3 together and show them the message that accidentally got sent, the following messages from C and L inviting you for lunch and ask why on earth they would want to get together with you if you had been messaging C's husband? Then I would go round to C's house with someone and say you want to see these messages you apparently sent and ask why on earth she is doing this and if it carries on, you'll be contacting a solicitor about defamation of character and suggest she see's a GP because her behaviour is mentally unstable and she's done all this because she's insecure over her husband talking to someone for a few minutes at her gate and can she seriously sleep at night knowing she's caused you all this trouble then look at her husband and tell him he is just as bad and you won't be lying down and letting them do this to you anymore and you're thinking about actually going to the police so these apparent messages can be recovered

Good point about the dh not wanting to prolong playground gossip when he's in the middle of all the allegations.

I agree with what’s been said about the posters who have shared their experiences - there’s been no apology or happy endings, and disengagement seems to have been the way to go.

I’m on phone so can’t look back to namecheck but whoever asked if C’s husband had checked in anywhere on FB - I’ve just gone and had a look for his profile. It’s mainly private but his profile pic is set to public and he’s just changed that picture on Friday afternoon to what looks like a picture from their recent holiday - one of him, C and DD together. C has love reacted it and there’s lots of comments from others about ‘lovely picture’ etc

But it’s not just between the adults.
C had already proved she will weaponise the children involved.
The adults can go to hell - shit happens - and this is a massively unjust nasty thing to happen to the op.
But the op has to think about how it may effect her dd, the games have already started - I doubt they’re about to stop.
My c sent an email to my partner stating that life at the school my kids attended was going to be made difficult for me.
That’s how batshit some people are.
Sending op it’s a horrible feeling.